A Situation That Came Up: Swingers Discussion 63667

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TOPIC: A Situation That Came Up

Created by: ohio1337cpl Original Starting post for this thread:
My wife and I attended a lovely swing club this past weekend and had a great time. Great atmosphere, really kind and friendly people all over the place. However, our first time there was soured a great deal, I'd like to throw this out here if you'll let me vent? We had talked to a couple on SLS a fews times, they were kind and helpful and considerate offering advice and niceities. When we found out they were going to be at the same club at the same time we were eager to have a chat and a drink with them. We met them, sat down for a few, sipped a drink and parted ways. All very pleasent. Later that night, we ran into them again, once again exchanged kind words, and while my wife and I were sitting there, their female half told my wife, " Take Your Hair Down." There was no "please, we'd love to see what your hair looks like down", nor was their any kindness about it. It was a declaritive statement, not a question. My wife quietly objects that she doesn't want to take her hair down. The poor woman spent over an hour getting ready, make-up, hair, ect. She shudders if I bump it, heh. In her words, once it goes down, it never goes back up right again. Anyway, I'd expect after my wife being told to take her hair down and politley objecting, it would be dropped. However, at this point the woman replies to my wife's objection with , " We don't care." What does that mean? The only person who should care if she takes her hair down is my wife? "We don't care??" Weird..... After this, I spoke up and said somethign to the effect of "wait a sec guys, she spent an hour getting her hair ready, she doesn't want to take it down." I said that directly to the woman. Her response to this was? "We don't care" AGAIN? At this point I felt like she was just being rude, abbrasive, and very pushy. I will not allow my wife to be ordered around. So I took the hard road. I chose to stand up for my wife, and maybe to my detriment I got a little loud. I just told them up front that it was rude, her relagating my wife's objections then mine with ,we don't care, was out of line. I explianed that my wife was too polite to object further then her initial grumblings, and a that point she was being taken advantage of. So at this point an argument ensued, they painted me out to be the biggest prick in the world and they did their best to belittle me as the jerk. No one, especially us wants any sort of drama or confrontation, so the whole thing to us, on our first time out, was very very regretable. What made things even worse was their friends there who told me that if we want to be successful in swinging we have to learn to be nice. lol. I thought being nice and being someone's rug were two different issues. So tell me, collective brain trust, what should I have done? Taken one for the team and let my wife take orders despite her objections, or spoke up and unfortunetly had a confrontation. Either way we loose? ; (

Created by: ohio1337cpl
Original Starting post for this thread:

My wife and I attended a lovely swing club this past weekend and had a great time.  Great atmosphere, really kind and friendly people all over the place.  However, our first time there was soured a great deal, I'd like to throw this out here if you'll let me vent?

We had talked to a couple on SLS a fews times, they were kind and helpful and considerate offering advice and niceities.  When we found out they were going to be at the same club at the same time we were eager to have a chat and a drink with them.  We met them, sat down for a few, sipped a drink and parted ways.  All very pleasent.

Later that night, we ran into them again, once again exchanged kind words, and while my wife and I were sitting there, their female half told my wife, " Take Your Hair Down."  There was no "please, we'd love to see what your hair looks like down", nor was their any kindness about it.  It was a declaritive statement, not a question.  

My wife quietly objects that she doesn't want to take her hair down.  The poor woman spent over an hour getting ready, make-up, hair, ect.  She shudders if I bump it, heh. In her words, once it goes down, it never goes back up right again.    

Anyway, I'd expect after my wife being told to take her hair down and politley objecting, it would be dropped.  However, at this point the woman replies to my wife's objection with , " We don't care."   What does that mean?  The only person who should care if she takes her hair down is my wife?  "We don't care??"  Weird.....

After this, I spoke up and said somethign to the effect of "wait a sec guys, she spent an hour getting her hair ready, she doesn't want to take it down."  I said that directly to the woman.  Her response to this was?  "We don't care"  AGAIN?  At this point I felt like she was just being rude, abbrasive, and very pushy.  I will not allow my wife to be ordered around. 

So I took the hard road.  I chose to stand up for my wife, and maybe to my detriment I got a little loud.  I just told them up front that it was rude, her relagating my wife's objections then mine with ,we don't care, was out of line.  I explianed that my wife was too polite to object further then her initial grumblings, and a that point she was being taken advantage of.  

So at this point an argument ensued, they painted me out to be the biggest prick in the world and they did their best to belittle me as the jerk.  No one, especially us wants any sort of drama or confrontation, so the whole thing to us, on our first time out, was very very regretable.  

What made things even worse was their friends there who told me that if we want to be successful in swinging we have to learn to be nice.  lol.  I thought being nice and being someone's rug were two different issues.

So tell me, collective  brain trust, what should I have done?  Taken one for the team and let my wife take orders despite her objections, or spoke up and unfortunetly had a confrontation.  Either way we loose?   ; (

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User Details are only visible to members.	Ok, you all heard what mental said. I wouldn't mess with this guy.
Pittsburgh PA			Username hidden (1153 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	This must be that drama we all want to avoid.
Ft Wright KY			Username hidden (107 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	After reading both stories, I will say the same thing that I say about every story. Each story has 2 sides, each side has some truth and some BS. No one can tell how much truth or BS is actually involved with each story. Perception is about 95% of reality. At this point, one person has been perceived of being an ass, and one person has been perceived of being pushy. Each side should now take a look at theirselves and determine the best way to change that perception. But what do I know, this is just my perception of this situation. Mr.
Four Oaks NC			Username hidden (43 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Someone told me, not sure if it's true or not, but something about a make up gangbang? Any truth to this!? ; )
Canfield OH			Username hidden (42 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	lol--it all comes back to sex doesn't it.
Tyler TX			Username hidden (262 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	That's all I'm chalking it up to now, a misunderstanding. Agreed. = )
Canfield OH			Username hidden (42 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	You're right, sensations. It's really no big deal at all. Like i said I was just feeling bad for having a confrontation. Despite what it was about, it was the fact that two people had an argument that no one enjoyed. That's all.
Canfield OH			Username hidden (42 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	WHAT EVER, IT'S JUST HAIR.................................... WHO'S NEXT?????!!!! seriously, it seems unimportant and blown out of proportion to me.
Utica NY			Username hidden (493 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Ouch, lol, told that way, sure they think I'm a jerk. I could sit here and go tit for tat at each and every point they made with a different version, but I won't. It would not fair to them, let them take comfort in their version, no problem. ; ) I will reinforce our version though. Looking back now, it's no big deal. Just made me feel bad, so I thought I'd post here for some positive reinforcement that I did the right thing. The post wasn't meant to call them out at all, just to comfort us. I've went almost 15 years without a cross word to any person. Last time I had a heated exchange was in high school. I doubt my wife has ever been in any situation where she had to confront someone. Thank goodness! So why then, this night, do they think I'd all the sudden become someone I am not? Provocation, of course. Our version of the story stands on it's own. The actual words that were exchanged are irrefutable. Simple fact. Now their meaning , that of course is relative to who's saying it and who's hearing it. Maybe she actually meant it in a kind way it just sounded different to us. All we know is if we had the gull to give someone an order we'd better know them and trust one another very well. The very second she told my wife to take her hair down and my wife objects, it should have been over. Simple as that. But to declare "we don't care" to an objection, well, right there you went further then you should no matter what her meaning was. To make it worse to then excuse my ojection with another, "we don't care" is just too far. So after that point, it's a simple he said she said. I'm sorry for my part, it was a no win situation. I either let my wife be taken advantage of, she simply didn't want to take her hair down. Was objecting to that twice not enough? Or I do the hardest part and speak up. BTW, my wife did see her in the bathroom. She did console her, anyone with a heart would. But please don't act as though my wife was in there apolgizing for me or went in specifically to seek her out and comfort her. She simply had to pee and saw her there. Lord knows we, myself included, didn't mean to upset her that much. To cry over this is very regretable. We don't begrudge her or dislike her, but we'd simply point out that when meeting people you don't know, it's far easier to get what you want, by being kind and considerate, not agressive and pushy. If the unnamed couple reads this, or if your friend conveys this to you, know that we're sorry you got upset . Know that we wish no confrontation would have occured, but we also ask that next time, you consider our feelings too. It's not only that you got upset, consider how you made us feel is all we ask.
Canfield OH			Username hidden (42 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	It's interesting how situations can be viewed in such very different ways. Makes you wonder what really happened...
Tyler TX			Username hidden (262 post)

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TOPIC: A Situation That Came Up

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