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ADVICE NEEDED FOR NEWBIES OF LIFESTYLE : Swingers Discussion 169033
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TOPIC: ADVICE NEEDED FOR NEWBIES OF LIFESTYLE
Created by: add2ourpleasure The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Just my two cents,

Has the guy ever heard of Cialis??? No need to wait 12 hours if he is afraid he wont have enough after playing with his wife...just 15 minutes!

Of course, he must be able to take it in the first place.

Steve

Rowlett TX
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@JaiDawn

It can be a hygiene issue if they are not using condoms. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not go down on a new playmate I just met and find out the hard way that I'm getting a faceful of "sloppy seconds" ;)

It's the least we could do as a courtesy to whoever we meet up with that night.

Franklinville NJ
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If I were the Op I would step out of swinging( WITH husband) all together until this issue is settled. If she feels this insecure watching her husband enjoy another woman, swinging will not make it go away. It will only intensify .

Augusta NJ
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I am glad y'all figured out who was who...I read it twice and was like what the hell? And I do agree, we all have issues. We all have triggers and insecurities. Some have them with others, some with ourselves (ME)...and some with both. It is how we deal with them...that is what matters.

San Marcos TX
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I have a feeling that the lack of full on sex is what sparked the insecurity ~ and I think that's reasonable. I just don't see playing as being something that's going to ehance a couple's sex life if a good, frisky romp is nixed 12 hours b/f going out is nixed and I didn't read any mention of them having time alone after this incident, so there wasn't even make-up sex (which after this drama is all it could have been.) So, where's the fun? 24 hours of focussing on the possibility of sex w/ someone else, rather than having fun w/ each other and maybe someone else does not sound enjoyable to me. AT ALL.

New Orleans LA
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Yeah, a few hours may be one thing, but 12hrs?!?

Panama City Beach FL
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It isn't about hygine, if he is refusing for 12 hours before they even go out. I guess some people just haven't heard of showers.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Totally agree with everyone that has responded. I don’t think the girl is being selfish and the guy doesn’t seem to be listening (or hearing). Yes, she’s feeling insecure, but I’d probably be more concerned about someone who has NO feelings at all when starting out. We’ve been programmed to feel that recreational sex is a bad thing, so don’t feel ashamed that you’re having feelings.

Insecurity can be complex, but it can generally be boiled down to feelings of personal inadequacies and/or distrust of your mate’s psyche. Time, experience and (most importantly) open, honest, and effective COMMUNICATION are the keys to getting through the insecurity issues. He seems to be the dominant/aggressive one in the relationship. In my experience, many of these guys use dominance as a means to suppress their insecurities, which will often surface upon seeing that the lifestyle has plenty to offer to their girls - something they really hadn’t fully thought out! Once their girl is having mind-blowing sex with another guy, they often lose it, which will materialize in erectile dysfunction, items being thrown across a room, or them grabbing their girl and leaving the room in tears. Yes, I’ve seen all this happen before.

The point here is that, while the girl may have some insecurity now, his may materialize later. Regardless, insecurity will only be cured by developing trust in each other via experience and communication. You have to move at the pace of the least secure person.

Good luck!

Oh, with regard to having sex before going out, it really depends on WHY he wants to refrain. Is it hygiene, or does he want to *save* it for someone else?

Panama City Beach FL
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No, the female is NOT being selfish. The male, who is not listening to her and doesn't seem to care about how she is feeling, is the one being selfish. Of course she has insecurities. Most people do when first starting out in the lifestyle. It is having an understanding partner, who will help you through your feelings (not blaming), that will make this a success. IMO, this is a train wreck waiting to happen unless something changes.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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I honestly can't tell if the man or woman wrote the original post.

It sounds to me like a lot of new things got thrown together all at once and that created a problem. She wants to have sex ~ full on sex, not oral ~ with her partner and that doesn't happen b/c their may be play w/ another woman later. Neither have experience swinging ~ from their profile. He pays a lot of attention to the potential playmate. She feels ignored ~ and maybe she was. She gets feels insecure.

Sounds to be like rather than it being an issue of "Who's selfish?" it's an issue of not communicating well. It sounds to me like she didn't realize that the "deep gazes" were going to be an issue until they were ~ and that's reasonable, given that this is all new. Add to that her feeling rejected, which I'm sure wasn't intentional on his part and it's a recipe for disaster.

Talk to each other about it ~ and listen. Then talk and listen some more. Then do it some more. If you don't talk, you can't figure out what the issues *really* were about and how to fix what can be fixed and avoid what needs to be avoided in the future. This can't be just about what one of you wants ~ either of you. It should be about what you both enjoy together. That can take some time to figure out. I'd skip involving anyone in your sex life until you do figure it out. It may be that this isn't for you. There's nothing wrong with that.

New Orleans LA
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TOPIC: ADVICE NEEDED FOR NEWBIES OF LIFESTYLE