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FORUMS General Discussions Soft Swinger why does it always seem guys have to be involved
TOPIC: why does it always seem guys have to be involved
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SOMEHOW, I had a feeling you might say that! lol

We'll see...M and I actually had been talking about vidoetaping ourselves, or having someone else video us....videoing the shower wouldn't be too much of a stretch if we go that route...I'll have to check with my girlfriend that I'm planning it with, but I have a feeling she will be game.

Atlanta GA
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You are very welcome, let us know how things progress.. And send video of the shower. lol

Youngstown OH
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Nic, Nic, Nic, Nic..... THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

I think M and I are so totally on the same page now! I'm so happy.

A girlfriend of mine and I are tentatively planning a little shower show for our men...we'll see how it turns out...

Atlanta GA
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I think the conersation could start like this:

"I know you are really excited about the prospects of swinging and I will admit, I have some fantasies as well that I would like to expore together. However, I get the sense that you are ready to jump straight into the deep end of the pool and I would prefer to dip my toe in and see how I like it. I have read about couples in similar situations and the best advice seems to be, always proceed at the rate of the "slowest" person and since that's me, I would like to make a suggestion.

I have read about hard and soft limits and a hard limit is something that we agree in advance that we will not change in the heat of the moment. I have to know that if I tell you I will not be with another man that you will respect that and not ask me to change my mind if we happen to meet a hot couple at a club. Can you do that for me? Now hard limits can change but only when we are talking about it away from a sexually charged situation. I am not saying I will never want the same things you do but you have to allow me to start slow and build up to it. It may not ever happen but I can tell you, if I feel forced or coerced into it, I will will stop altogether. YOU are more important to me than any fantasy and I need to know you feel the same way."

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

BTW, I have met several couples whose husband got them started but once the wife became comfortable and realized this LS can strengthen a good relationship, she was willing to explore more and more together.

Youngstown OH
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Nic, you give wonderful advice. I love my man, and I've been willing to meet him part way with this, that's how we wound up on SLS to begin with. We haven't even done anything, and I feel like all of a sudden part way isn't enough for him. I really hope I'm wrong. We do need to talk and haven't had the opportunity due to work, etc.

I agree with you wholeheartedly about not wanting to wind up doing something under pressure that I would regret later. This is supposed to be something that might be fun and adventurous that we can do together, so how do I broach the subject of hard limits and soft limits? Any suggestions, anyone? I'm cool with girl/girl play, but if I wanted a different dick, I wouldn't be with him. That's just the way I roll, I guess.

Atlanta GA
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Wow, it seems that I have finally found others that share our dilemma. We also go into the lifestyle to satisfy me (the wife). I was comfortable enough with my husband who had a FMF long before me. I always knew I found women attractive, just didn't have the nerve to "act" on it and frankly didn't know how. So we have had women that we have been with together. But often we find that if the other woman is part of a couple, the other man expects to "play" also, even if its just the women playing. I just figured it's a racial issue, we were going to have to travel or MOVE somewhere else to find more bi women that are cool with being with me alone or both of us. We are not unattractive people, not pushy, and have very pleasant personalities. So if anyone has any insight, advice, or interest LET ME KNOW!!!

Cordova TN
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Not sure how long you two have been together but maybe a long heart to heart is in order. You profile sounds like it reflects your desires (maybe adjust the Tame/Moderate/Wild bars) but he is hoping for more and if that is the case, you may feel pressured to go too far in the heat of the moment and regret it. Hopefully you can get him to agree to take it slow and not to exceed your boundaries at the time you are meeting someone and that if, in the future you want more, you make plans ahead of time.

I don't have advice how to convince him other than to say if he can't stay at your comfort level, maybe you need to back away completely.

Good luck!

Youngstown OH
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Can you please tell that to Daddy? I'm game for the whole let's try this out, and I'm willing to go that far....but he keeps talking to full swap people that I feel like a 5th wheel, because I'm not going there.

Will I ever? I don't know, but shit! Give a girl a break. If I'm willing to go so far, appreciate it and let's see what happens. Love the man to distraction, but I've tried several times to be clear and in every other way he is SOOO attentive and listens/focuses so well.......any suggestions? I can't believe I'm sounding off to a bunch of people I haven't met, but I assume y'all know where I'm coming from with this.....how do I help him meet me in a happy medium range? I think he's just so happy and blown away that I'm game to try it, but 2+2 doesn't equal 17. I love him, I want to keep him happy, but I want to set clear boundaries that we are both cool with.

Atlanta GA
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not to be rude, but it's hard for me to believe you're actually asking this question. you honestly don't understand why guys in the lifestyle want to be involved? i'm going to say it probably started somewhere around the first time a caveman saw another caveman having sex with a cavewoman and said, "yup, i think i'd like to get in on that." not much has changed in all these years. have you been around many heterosexual men? ;-)

hang in there. like someone else said, they're plenty of them out there. come visit cocoa beach. christ, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a g/g only couple.

Orlando FL
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The beauty of "the lifestyle" is that there's something for everyone! There are couples that allow the ladies to play alone and there are couples that allow the guys to only watch/participate with their own partner. But as someone pointed out "We got involved in the lifestyle to enjoy it together". I commend my wife for only wanting to play with another woman, as neither of us has any interest of seeing her with another man (we're just not wired that way). But just because only the ladies play together doesn't make me feel left out in the least... I've got a front row seat to the Greatest Show on Earth!!

Fairview Heights IL
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TOPIC: why does it always seem guys have to be involved