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TOPIC: lost friendships because of swinging
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We've talked to those who say the only person you can count on is yourself. No partner, no spouse, no friend, and no family can be truly counted on. That's the far end of the argument of who you may count on in life.

We've experienced true friendship that you can "count on" and we've experienced its loss. We've experienced spouses we could count on, and their loss. We've experienced family we could count on, and their loss. To say that no one in life can be truly counted on and that there is no ultimate and perfect relationship in life is only stating that life is change. It is, and nothing is perfect.

But to limit trust and who you can count on, to set boundaries of trust, may feel safer but also limits life. We count on each other to a degree we count on no other. But there is no guarantee that it will last our lifetime. Previous relationships haven't. And it doesn't preclude counting on family and friends. What it means to us is to be open to help from friends and family and to helping them. Real friends and close family come through far more than acquaintences. But we've also experienced acquaintences coming through for us and even strangers. To cut that off because of a preformed boundary cuts you off from some of the finer experiences of life. Our experience is that having those artificial boundaries of who you can trust doesn't protect you from having trust broken. Being open does not mean being gullible.

We don't expect trust. But we will offer it until it is demonstrated it is not honored. And we will be open to trust from anyone. Friendships, deep friendships, can offer some of the most beautiful trust in life.

Enosburg Falls VT
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Mr. Sim and I have the same view on friends. We both have lived in many places and found very few people we would consider friends. 99% are people we know on some level of acquaintance. Through the years we have found most people cannot be depended on and rightfully so, because your spouse and children come first and foremost. That justified selfishness interferes with your friends being able to "help" you in the time of need many times (if they live a full life). So, we never depend on friends in a crisis. It's not fair to them. We rely on each other and if we need more - then we seek our brother or sister but even those have their own lives and needs that always can't be dropped at a moments notice either. Everyone has limitations of some sort so.... we rely and lean on each other and thats it. We don't lean on friends....they have their own problems to deal with as priorities. Plus, I have never liked putting a "friend" in a position of letting me down. I won't do it.

Sandy OR
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Dand... I agree with you. Good friends-- not acquaintances -- can be rare and when you do find them they should not be taken for granted.

Also, I never put my husband in the same category of my friends. There is never a choosing between him and our friends. And none of my friends would assume that they could wedge themselves b/t my hubby and me.

Lansing MI
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Splash was fun. Would've been alot more fun if you, M and delina had been there.

Lake Worth FL
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Karen is my best friend, I know she'll be there for me. Everyone else are just people we know. We only count on each other. I don't even count on my family.

"friends" change, their needs change or they just get sick of you. Personally i tend to keep "friends" at arms length.

Lake Worth FL
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"My husband is my best friend in the world.. **he comes first**"

What a jerk. :)

Rochester NY
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Family means different things to different people as do friends. Some here couldn't imagine friends being more family than sibilings. Some here understand all too well how that can be. Coming from a large family I understand both how family can be there for you, and how they can be so not there for you. Family is not a simple warm embrace. Each member can be as different as day and night.

Friends, if you truly value and invest in friendship, can be closer than family because you choose them, you grow with them, and that bond is chosen because you fit with them in some special way.

Enosburg Falls VT
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Annie; sounds all too familiar, maybe we are related...lol

thus why I feel many of the friends I/ we have are like family to me

Middletown NY
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There is never a question that my hubby and I come first in our relationship. And friends and family do not come between us. I think when anything terrible happens and I am not talking about a stub toe all support is good. Of course, your husband is going to be there going through it with you. However, family and friends are their to help and it is a shame you don't feel comfortable leaning on them. Maybe I am high maintenance as you say. But I will tell you my friends and family know that in a crisis I will be there to help, whatever that may be. Heck I flew out to Vegas b/c my girlfriend had her baby way too early. And she needed help with her other child. Yes she is married but the stress of it all they needed help. So I flew out there where I took care of their other child, cleaned house, made the meals, basically became their live -in for two weeks until a family member could come out to help. Yes, I had to take time off work at my expense etc. but for me that is what friends are for.

I guess everyone is different and I am glad I have found many friends that will be there for me as I will be their for them.

A

Lansing MI
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scorp.. friends don't ever take the place of my spouse and it is a given at least for us that we really on each other. But friends are there to help through the event too. Well all I can say that god for my friends they very helpful in my recovery.

Lansing MI
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TOPIC: lost friendships because of swinging