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anyone had trouble with full swap and decided to switch to soft : Swingers Discussion 371741021
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TOPIC: anyone had trouble with full swap and decided to switch to soft
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I am seroiusly considering going from full to soft. Only becasue I am getting so tired of the "I want to F...you, but the wife does not find your man attractive" shit. We did not get into the life because I need more sex, heck, I get all I want at home. We got into the life in order to get what we don't have at home. We love to full swap. However, because most females are not attracted to my man, (it takes a hippy to love a hippy), I find that most of the male halves of the couple want to play alone with just me, or a 3some. So yea, we are having trouble with full swap. As a matter of fact, we have even been considering going to parties and clubs only, and to heck with meeting just couples. And trying to find a solo female, is about as hard as finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. So all you wonderful people out there, what should we do? Stop playing, become people we are not, or just go out of town? (Travelling by the way is almost prohibited due to our work).

Monterey CA
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This is a thread that I have returned to, because lately we have begun contemplating doing this very thing. Nothing on our part, we just cannot seem to have any luck with couples. So, its either bring in singles or stop attempting full swap. I think we're going to try singles before we take the leap to soft, but thank you for your ideas. Other than simply liking soft, what was the main reason why y'all decided to go from full to soft swap? Thank you in advance for your answers. Shelly


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Destin, i cannot agree more with you. If we are all honest, there are times when you get emotions in the lifestyle that you have to work on...and thats in a STRONG marriage. You take a weak marriage, or one that needs fixing, and you have got some serious trouble. Shelly


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Yep, anytime a couple says they got into the LS to help their marriage we run the other way. We aren't marriage counslers.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Amen Lost, you may become good friends, but we are already committed to each other.

You know I think lost in all this someway is the fact swinging will not repair/renew/help a less than great marriage. If you are prone to "getting involved" with others or are not mature and committed to you marriage, swinging will hurt or destroy what you have.

Time to enter swinging is NOT when your sex life is boring, marriage needs help, you are newly married, already cheating or looking to change spouses. Those that last a long time in the Lifestyle are generally the "committed couple" with a strong tie to each other and what they have to look forward to the rest of their lives.

Destin FL
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LOL. I don't know. On the one hand, making friends is great...but I have seen how emotions get stirred and the boundaries become blurred....and then, I love the feeling of the "new".... so we definately let couples know that we may come back, but are in no way committed to you at all. Shell


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yep "Casual encounters were great, but once we get to be good friends with a couple it's hard for me to deal with the emotions" is a scary thought!! Our first thought of a couple like this is RUN far away!

Destin FL
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Exactly. Nothing makes swingers scatter like jealousy, drama and emotional attachment LOL. Shelly


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It's not likely that "how" you swing will make much difference if you are developing an emotional tie with other couples that is creating your jealousy issues. Whether soft, full, or anything in between, you have to remember that swinging is the most non-exclusive, no strings attached, relationship you can ever be a part of. To have feelings of jealousy toward other couples is not healthy for you and will eventually destroy your relationship with the couples you like the most.

We've only been swinging for about 7 months and have made some very close friends who we prefer spending our time with whenever possible. We have to constantly remind ourselves not to get caught up in our emotions and that our close friends will frequently be with other people just as we are. You have to come to grips with that reality or you will be very unhappy in the LS.

We changed from full to soft/moderate a few weeks ago, but for different reasons than what you describe. For us, full swap was physically satisfying for only a few minutes but it left us both feeling emotionally unfulfilled. At first, we chalked it up to a simple lack of chemistry, but we feel the same way with even our closest horizontal friends who we adore. The other thing is the drawback of having to deal with condoms. After many years of unprotected, monogamous sex with my wife, a condom creates a huge mental block that is detrimental to my performance and satisfaction.

After months of scientific testing in our bedroom laboratory (tongue firmly in cheek), we are finally in a good place with the LS. We will do everything with others except intercourse and then switch back when we feel the need. Although, since my wife has no problem finishing a male partner orally, switching is not always needed. LOL!!! We know that our brand of swapping is not for everyone, but it works great for us and our friends. On occasion, we will still do full swap, but it's the exception, not the rule.

Ashland VA
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In response to the original post, It depends on what you like in my opinion. If you enjoy full play but do not want to build relationships, make sure people understand that from jump. I don't think you have to stop being full swap, but just let people know that its just tonight....if you see us here next week we will not necessarily be playing wtih you. I don't think I would be offended by that, as long as I understood from the beginning. There are lots of couples that do not form relationships. I have a good friend that does not do this.....not even during the same night necessarily. I am absolutely fine with it because he was completely honest from the beginning. shelly


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TOPIC: anyone had trouble with full swap and decided to switch to soft