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We are soft swap and having trouble with pressure : Swingers Discussion 183498101
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TOPIC: We are soft swap and having trouble with pressure
Created by: 22tango4
Original Starting post for this thread:
we are pretty new and we are trying to find a couple that would be happy with mostly girl/girl and some soft swap, but really we would like for the guys to watch and touch, maybe get some oral from the girls, but that's it. My wife wouldn't mind giving oral to another man, but that's about it. I wouldn't mind receiving oral, but I really don't need it and I wouldn't want anything more. My wife is really hot and we are getting our share of emails, but it seems everyone tries to pressure us into full swap..WTF...we don't understand why a couple woudnt be happy to play with us with our restrictions....ok so we don't want to fuck, and my wife doesnt want to receive oral from another man, but she will help him out and will rock his wifes world... We are baffled as to why this is not enough. What do you think? Are we just dreaming?

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It's a shame you let others dictate how much fun you can have. There is another thread on here about what defines a "swinger" and most of the posts basically say to do what YOU enjoy and don't worry about the labels and judgments. Surely there are others in your area that cab respect boundaries and allow you to explore at your own pace.

Focus less on what others want you to be and more on what the two of you enjoy. And if full swap is a definite NO, maybe change that preference on your profile and spell it out in your "What are you looking for" paragraph.

Good luck and have FUN!

Youngstown OH
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Hello, We are currently an inactive couple, but still log on to the site to keep updated on events and to be entertained reading some of the stories and sometimes forum posts. We stepped away around three years ago, and one of our deciding factors was exactly what is being discussed here.... pressure from experienced couples to do more than what we wanted to do. At first it was just a small annoyance, especially when we would get many emails from couples who just wanted the wife to be involved in the bedroom and for the husband to be a bystander. No big deal, we would just decline and tell them no. We had meet some really understanding and nice couples also, that were understanding of our boundries. However, we had a single evening at a club one night that soured it all for us. Let's just say that we had a few very persistant and forward patrons that made the night very uncommfortable for us both. We never returned since. To take this discussion a little further, I had read on another forum on another site a posting about how soft swap was not swinging, and that they should not call themselves such or that they are in the life style. We were shocked first off by the post, but the most shocking was that the majority of the posts were in agreement. Personally we don't give a snot what anybody else thinks, becuase this is all between us and nobody else when it comes down to it. Yes we may like and care about the people we are with, but at the end of the night it is us as a couple. That is just our experience to share.

Cincinnati OH
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Well said, 2in69 position!!!

Greenville SC
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Sad to say, but it comes with the territory. It's been our experience that that is just a small subset of the folks in the lifestyle and most "experienced swingers" are more respectful of Soft Swap couples boundaries and/or limitations. As long as you're not leading anyone on and being up-front and honest about your wishes/desires be confident with whatever comfort level the two of you set and don't get talked into something the 2 of you aren't ready for.

Fairview Heights IL
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There are plenty of soft swap couples out there. We are not do full swap with a majority of couples we play with and I am not bi. So definitely no f/f play. We have never felt pressured into anything. We recommended your clear of your boundaries up front. Remember there a many people who do not read profiles.

Lansing MI
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There are a few experienced couples who are understanding of our limitations. We are upfront about what we desire and usually get a clear "yes" or "no" to a meeting. The other option is to email new couples who desire watching or touching.

Palm Beach FL
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We are soft swap; a very limited soft swap.

I guess we have been very lucky, we have played with full swap couples & never been pressured to cross the lines we have.

New Albany IN
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Well we are brand new and have not had our first adventure yet. I would want to make sure that all understood each others desires before meeting. Setting boundaries is important, don't you think? I just feel like no one should do anything they are not comfortable with. I really want to watch or be watched and am not into kink, or pain...so if someone wanted that and knew up front I was not into it, I would be be upset too. People just need to take the time to read the profiles and respect each other. Even though we have not made a connection yet (only been a week we were seriously looking), it sure seems like there are plenty of people out there to find compatibility with.

Washington PA
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we have had this come up a few times. You just have to stick to your rules and your comfort level. If your not comfortable with what is going on. Then it wont be fun, and may ruin it for one or both of you. It does drive us nuts to have it in our profile, then mention it while emailing or chatting. Then in person they ask for something knowing full well we dont do that.

Keyport NJ
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While we have done full swap on occasion, our favorite is manual and oral. In fact, we were pretty much exclusive with one couple for over 15 years, and at least 95% was M-O. Part of this is due to the fact that we insist on condoms for penetration, but a lot of it is the fact that manual and oral allows a more delicate touch for teasing and prolonging. There have even been occasions when the other woman and I would just watch each other masturbate - this really turned her on. I love going down on a woman, and can be completely satisfied just receiving a hand job.

Medina OH
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TOPIC: We are soft swap and having trouble with pressure