So sick of the BS: Swingers Discussion 212371

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TOPIC: So sick of the BS

Created by: Doc_n_Janine Original Starting post for this thread:
There needs to be a version of this site for soft swappers only. We keep running into people that say they're ok doing what we're into but they always flake out saying they're not. It's getting old. Most people here are full swap. The overall mentality is "why should we play at a lesser level when we can get the real thing whenever we want?". There's really no point in talking about it because the number of people into soft swap is so small here. Even in the soft swap forum we're probably going to get flamed by full swappers saying we suck. If you're not ok with soft swap, take the "tame" and "moderate" off of your profile and stop getting soft swappers hopes up. Where are the real soft swappers? Is anyone aware of a network of them here on the site? We'll drive for the right people. Given the low numbers of people we've been finding who are cool with what we're into, we'll drive a long way for the right people... we just need to find them.

Created by: Doc_n_Janine
Original Starting post for this thread:

There needs to be a version of this site for soft swappers only.  We keep running into people that say they're ok doing what we're into but they always flake out saying they're not.  It's getting old.

Most people here are full swap.  The overall mentality is "why should we play at a lesser level when we can get the real thing whenever we want?".

There's really no point in talking about it because the number of people into soft swap is so small here.  Even in the soft swap forum we're probably going to get flamed by full swappers saying we suck.

If you're not ok with soft swap, take the "tame" and "moderate" off of your profile and stop getting soft swappers hopes up.

Where are the real soft swappers?  Is anyone aware of a network of them here on the site?  We'll drive for the right people.  Given the low numbers of people we've been finding who are cool with what we're into, we'll drive a long way for the right people... we just need to find them.

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User Details are only visible to members.	(There are plenty of soft swap only couples on SLS as well as other sites but the key to making ANY type of swap successful is to openly discuss play activities and comfort levels BEFORE committing too much time and effort into the cause.) I could agree more. This is where we started to have the problem with soft swap couples. Most we have come across will either not tell you up front that they are soft swap or they wait until the moment goes from a soft swap to a moderate or full swap. In addition, I take one for the team as far as looks go because there have been times where I was not physically attracted to the couple yet when I started playing with the guy it was a lot fo fun!!!! I never want to discount anyone just because I do not find them physically attractive. And sometimes it is the woman I am not attracted to, but because I am not physically attracted to someone doesn't mean I might not find them mentally attractive. It also doesn't mean that they can't get me off. Some of my favorite FWB's are people who I am not physically attracted to. I am physically attracted to mexican men only! And even my hubby is not mexican. So, to me that would narrow my field of play if that was the case. Furthermore, I want my hubby to have play as well. My guy is not a well hung, super model so therefore if he gets a woman he wants to play with then I will definately play with her hubby-attraction or no attraction. He has done the same for me. And there are a lot more couples out there who are the same way about taking one for the team. They just don't come out and openly talk about it. I guess for me I just feel it would be a loss to not play with the hubby. One of the couples we play with the male half is 68 years old and she is in her forties!!!! When you think about the guy is old enough to be my grandpa! However, he is the best guy I have ever had in bed! Upon initial looks I would have never played with him if it was just about the looks. I have also found out that the guys who I am not attracted to are actually better in bed and treat you better. I have figured out in this lifestyle that sometimes(and not all the time-making this very clear) you will find that the "Good Looking" people are relying on looks instead of skill. Prime example, we went to a party where I found what would be my perfect looking single guy. He was better looking than any romance novel model! Just enough muscle; long, black, flowing hair; a few tatoos; right size cock; dressed nicely-you get the point. I couldn't wait to get my hands on this guy! He was the most boring guy I have ever had sex with and believe me I tried to give him hints!!!! I finally made an excuse to get away from him. What was I going to say? You Suck at Sex!?!?! Anyways, I mostly wrote that post because of our soft swap friends wanted us to share our views as a very full swap couple. It is the most rare occasions that we will soft swap. At one point we even made a point on our profile that we do not soft swap. We kept coming across people who used it as an excuse rather than a "REAL" preference. So, they asked me to let soft swappers in on this insight when I was told about this original post. In the end, the biggest thing we look for now is personality. If it is not there we don't even bother anymore.
Joliet IL			Username hidden (36 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	vleather4 I know what you are saying, What I don't understand is how people think that if you are un attracted to one half of a couple, why would the other half still want to play with them. If a couple indicated to me that my wife was not attractive enough for them It would be and insult both to me and my wife and at that point I wouldn't like them all that much so why would I still want to play with them and the same goes for my wife if the shoe was on the other foot.
Dallas TX			Username hidden (2225 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	As mentioned a few times...the soft swapper definition tends to be one of convenience - and the most annoying part is when the guy wants to fuck your date but you cant fuck his...... that wont fly, everybody has the same amount of skin in the game or get the fuck out :) simple eh?
Melville NY			Username hidden (35 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	There are plenty of soft swap only couples on SLS as well as other sites but the key to making ANY type of swap successful is to openly discuss play activities and comfort levels BEFORE committing too much time and effort into the cause. For the soft swappers only - don't fall for the "we'll play it by ear and see where it goes" routine that many full swap couples will throw at you. If you are only comfortable with soft swap, then be up front about it. Describe your limits in detail before the action starts to avoid pitfalls. For the full swappers - as DucatiRider stated in their post, sometimes the excuse of "We're Soft Swap Only" is a nice way of saying "Not Interested". If you've been doing this long enough, you know to take the hint and move on. ------------------------ "Yes, I have taken one for the team! Yes, I have dealt with too big or small of cocks! Fat, short, skinny, stubby, ugly, really ugly, stuck on themselves, bitchy & ugly wives, stinky pussies, etc!!!! All this to make my man happy and he has done the same for me!" Vleather - Different strokes for different folks. I for one would never play with someone I'm not attracted to in order to please my husband. We both agree that the best part of playing with other couples 1) watching each other enjoying sex with other people; 2) watching other people enjoying sex with us. I'm not good at faking pleasure and it's unfair to both my husband and anyone else we invite to join us.
Alpharetta GA			Username hidden (1023 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Just figured I would chime in because one of my soft swap friends told me about this forum. They had no clue that there were people out there doing this type of stuff. Please read on and I hope this helps. We have been in the LS for over 7 years now. We had the same problem with soft swap only swingers. They would have "Wild" on their profile along with the other two. So, when we would contact them stating we wanted full swap then they were like we are soft swap only!?!?!? It wasn't even like they were giving us a chance at full swap. Now if it had been like we start out soft swap because we want to get to know you or let's meet first to see where things go. Then we wouldn't have a problem. We have also encountered this at parties where we would get hot and heavy but the second my guy joined in then it was "We are soft swap only!" Which personally I think was a load of BS they just wanted a threesome with another girl! I remember one party where the guy and I were 69ing and I was playing with the girl. The guy had no problem fucking me. Both of them knew my guy was off going to the bathroom and then he would be right back! When he came in to join and get the girl to start giving him a bj then that is when they called "Soft Swap". Like we are not suppose to be offended by that?!?!? Now why would you let or expect a bj from someones wife and then not expect her hubby would want the same?!?!? So, in the end that makes a "Full Swap" couple who would let a "Soft Swap" couple join them not want to. It really felt like, "Oh, we are attracted to you but not your husband! So we are going to call the Soft Swap card." To say the least, we are one package you play with both of us or you don't! I'm in this to enhance my sexlife not exclude my partner! If that was the case I can get numerous single guys or couples who are to my exact specifications! Yes, I have taken one for the team! Yes, I have dealt with too big or small of cocks! Fat, short, skinny, stubby, ugly, really ugly, stuck on themselves, bitchy & ugly wives, stinky pussies, etc!!!! All this to make my man happy and he has done the same for me! So, because of idiots like those people is probably why soft swappers are getting no luck on here. So, to all the true soft swappers-thank you for being up front and honest about your wants and desires! Smooches-Full Swap Couple!
Joliet IL			Username hidden (36 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	if you do find a real soft swing site let us know!!
Moreno Valley CA			Username hidden (6 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We're perfectly happy soft swap...and we can be pretty wild :-) We're looking to have fun and like to have sex in front of people, Jess likes playing with girls, she likes playing with guys...The definition of soft is tricky though - is it same room (that one usually gets its own mention), girls play together & guys watch, girls play together and guys play with their lady, girls play together and the soft swap couple's guy gets to bone both of them, everyone gets to play orally together (except the guys doing each other unless they're saying they're bi)? Soft swap can be a pretty broad category just like full swap wild fun is. We just go with the flow and try to take our cues from the other couple - we'll do it all so if a soft swap couple wants any flavor of the above, we're good with that. If they decide they want fucking for all, we're good with that too. All a couple has to do is ask or tell us if they're interested in more than we're all doing.
Westerly RI			Username hidden (83 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Doc n Janie, Your profile is funny as hell, esp. the part about people's photos having all their dirty clothes on the floor in the background. I always check out what people leave on their floor to figure out if we want to talk to them or not. Too funny!
El Paso TX			Username hidden (1 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks for the advice but the pioint of the story was the rudeness with out even ever meeting the people in real life. And as to say leading anyone on with how our profile reads.....if we do make plans to meet anyone or meet a couple at a club, we let them know we will not change to full swap in the heat of the moment and make sure that is understood. And we have been having great experiences :)
Tamaqua PA			Username hidden (6 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We only have one side of the story here. It's entirely possible that this unknown couple rejected tatcouple for reasons totally unrelated to the fact that tatcouple is soft swap but might be willing to change that for the right people. Tatcouple: you're going to be treated here and in life in ways you think are unfair. Best thing to do is learn from it and move on. Meanwhile, you've been given good advice to consider. ST
Kitty Hawk NC			Username hidden (163 post)

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TOPIC: So sick of the BS

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