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So sick of the BS : Swingers Discussion 212371
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TOPIC: So sick of the BS
Created by: Doc_n_Janine
Original Starting post for this thread:
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(There are plenty of soft swap only couples on SLS as well as other sites but the key to making ANY type of swap successful is to openly discuss play activities and comfort levels BEFORE committing too much time and effort into the cause.) I could agree more. This is where we started to have the problem with soft swap couples. Most we have come across will either not tell you up front that they are soft swap or they wait until the moment goes from a soft swap to a moderate or full swap. In addition, I take one for the team as far as looks go because there have been times where I was not physically attracted to the couple yet when I started playing with the guy it was a lot fo fun!!!! I never want to discount anyone just because I do not find them physically attractive. And sometimes it is the woman I am not attracted to, but because I am not physically attracted to someone doesn't mean I might not find them mentally attractive. It also doesn't mean that they can't get me off. Some of my favorite FWB's are people who I am not physically attracted to. I am physically attracted to mexican men only! And even my hubby is not mexican. So, to me that would narrow my field of play if that was the case. Furthermore, I want my hubby to have play as well. My guy is not a well hung, super model so therefore if he gets a woman he wants to play with then I will definately play with her hubby-attraction or no attraction. He has done the same for me. And there are a lot more couples out there who are the same way about taking one for the team. They just don't come out and openly talk about it. I guess for me I just feel it would be a loss to not play with the hubby. One of the couples we play with the male half is 68 years old and she is in her forties!!!! When you think about the guy is old enough to be my grandpa! However, he is the best guy I have ever had in bed! Upon initial looks I would have never played with him if it was just about the looks. I have also found out that the guys who I am not attracted to are actually better in bed and treat you better. I have figured out in this lifestyle that sometimes(and not all the time-making this very clear) you will find that the "Good Looking" people are relying on looks instead of skill. Prime example, we went to a party where I found what would be my perfect looking single guy. He was better looking than any romance novel model! Just enough muscle; long, black, flowing hair; a few tatoos; right size cock; dressed nicely-you get the point. I couldn't wait to get my hands on this guy! He was the most boring guy I have ever had sex with and believe me I tried to give him hints!!!! I finally made an excuse to get away from him. What was I going to say? You Suck at Sex!?!?! Anyways, I mostly wrote that post because of our soft swap friends wanted us to share our views as a very full swap couple. It is the most rare occasions that we will soft swap. At one point we even made a point on our profile that we do not soft swap. We kept coming across people who used it as an excuse rather than a "REAL" preference. So, they asked me to let soft swappers in on this insight when I was told about this original post. In the end, the biggest thing we look for now is personality. If it is not there we don't even bother anymore.

Joliet IL
 
 
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Just figured I would chime in because one of my soft swap friends told me about this forum. They had no clue that there were people out there doing this type of stuff. Please read on and I hope this helps. We have been in the LS for over 7 years now. We had the same problem with soft swap only swingers. They would have "Wild" on their profile along with the other two. So, when we would contact them stating we wanted full swap then they were like we are soft swap only!?!?!? It wasn't even like they were giving us a chance at full swap. Now if it had been like we start out soft swap because we want to get to know you or let's meet first to see where things go. Then we wouldn't have a problem. We have also encountered this at parties where we would get hot and heavy but the second my guy joined in then it was "We are soft swap only!" Which personally I think was a load of BS they just wanted a threesome with another girl! I remember one party where the guy and I were 69ing and I was playing with the girl. The guy had no problem fucking me. Both of them knew my guy was off going to the bathroom and then he would be right back! When he came in to join and get the girl to start giving him a bj then that is when they called "Soft Swap". Like we are not suppose to be offended by that?!?!? Now why would you let or expect a bj from someones wife and then not expect her hubby would want the same?!?!? So, in the end that makes a "Full Swap" couple who would let a "Soft Swap" couple join them not want to. It really felt like, "Oh, we are attracted to you but not your husband! So we are going to call the Soft Swap card." To say the least, we are one package you play with both of us or you don't! I'm in this to enhance my sexlife not exclude my partner! If that was the case I can get numerous single guys or couples who are to my exact specifications! Yes, I have taken one for the team! Yes, I have dealt with too big or small of cocks! Fat, short, skinny, stubby, ugly, really ugly, stuck on themselves, bitchy & ugly wives, stinky pussies, etc!!!! All this to make my man happy and he has done the same for me! So, because of idiots like those people is probably why soft swappers are getting no luck on here. So, to all the true soft swappers-thank you for being up front and honest about your wants and desires! Smooches-Full Swap Couple!

Joliet IL
 
 
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if you do find a real soft swing site let us know!!

Moreno Valley CA
 
 
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We're perfectly happy soft swap...and we can be pretty wild :-) We're looking to have fun and like to have sex in front of people, Jess likes playing with girls, she likes playing with guys...The definition of soft is tricky though - is it same room (that one usually gets its own mention), girls play together & guys watch, girls play together and guys play with their lady, girls play together and the soft swap couple's guy gets to bone both of them, everyone gets to play orally together (except the guys doing each other unless they're saying they're bi)? Soft swap can be a pretty broad category just like full swap wild fun is. We just go with the flow and try to take our cues from the other couple - we'll do it all so if a soft swap couple wants any flavor of the above, we're good with that. If they decide they want fucking for all, we're good with that too. All a couple has to do is ask or tell us if they're interested in more than we're all doing.

Westerly RI
 
 
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Doc n Janie,

Your profile is funny as hell, esp. the part about people's photos having all their dirty clothes on the floor in the background. I always check out what people leave on their floor to figure out if we want to talk to them or not.

Too funny!

El Paso TX
 
 
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Thanks for the advice but the pioint of the story was the rudeness with out even ever meeting the people in real life. And as to say leading anyone on with how our profile reads.....if we do make plans to meet anyone or meet a couple at a club, we let them know we will not change to full swap in the heat of the moment and make sure that is understood. And we have been having great experiences :)

Tamaqua PA
 
 
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We only have one side of the story here.

It's entirely possible that this unknown couple rejected tatcouple for reasons totally unrelated to the fact that tatcouple is soft swap but might be willing to change that for the right people.

Tatcouple: you're going to be treated here and in life in ways you think are unfair. Best thing to do is learn from it and move on. Meanwhile, you've been given good advice to consider.

ST

Kitty Hawk NC
 
 
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Let me tell you something us full-swappers have a lot of experience with....

"Soft swappers" who are "looking for the right couple".

The female half hands me a condom and asks me to fuck her.

Husband decides this is not the right couple, or thinks it is, and gets jealous, or can't stay hard, or gets upset over watching some guy cram his cock into his wife's pussy....

Guess what ensues? Language like that says "This is a problem waiting to happen".

Chesapeake VA
 
 
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In my view, Tatcouple1968 was pretty clear in what they wanted. Many profiles are conditional when they say things like “going further depends on chemistry” or that a bi-curious woman would play with other women “in the right circumstances”. The basic lifestyle premise is that no means no and there is no reason to be rude because all parties are not in agreement.

Dunwoody GA
 
 
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I agree with you completely - note specific to you at the bottom, WifeIsInto....

"It might happen with the right couple" to me says "We're looking for the right couple. Try to be the right couple"

We believe strongly in the concept of "hard rules" and "soft rules". Soft rules are ones that can be discussed at the moment and you're negotiable on. Hard rules are not up for discussion at the time and neither of us may ask for an exception "on the fly". One of our few "hard rules" for instance is condom usage for intercourse. With the right couple, we may one day bend on that rule, but we will have to decide BEFOREHAND if we are willing to bend on it, not ask while standing there with a boner "Is this the right couple?"

So if full swap is a "with the right couple" possibility, I suggest you word your profile to say "We are soft swap for the time being. That may change one day but for now, it's what we're looking for." That's not an invitation to try to change you. So if you think in the heat of the moment you are ready for full swap, you keep it to yourself, stick to your hard rules, and then tomorrow morning you talk. Do you still feel the same way? Do you both wish you'd done full? Well, then maybe it's time to toss out that hard rule.

Note to WifeIsIntoGirls: You may have really liked the event we went to last night in Virginia Beach. It's held about every 6 weeks in a public bar that is open only to our group until 11 and then opens to the public. Good mix of about 200 people, including some you guys might be right for. No pressure, it was fun. If you want to know more email me.

Chesapeake VA
 
 
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TOPIC: So sick of the BS