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FORUMS General Discussions Soft Swinger Ok - - - now I've seen it all (re: how couples define themselves)
TOPIC: Ok - - - now I've seen it all (re: how couples define themselves)
Created by: lorrieseanswing
Original Starting post for this thread:
I am posting this message to this particular forum, because in this forum we have spent a lot of time talking about soft vs. full swap, all the different meanings of soft swap, etc etc etc.

So, I came across a profile today, its a couple, and they explicitly state that they are looking for "single females to play with". They also state later in the profile that they have NO interest in couples or single men and don't want to talk to them.

Then, also in this same profile, they refer to themselves as a FULL SWAP couple. Swapping with who? That's what I want to know! I mean, I guess I know what they are driving at....they want full penetration with their desired single female companions. But, to me, the word "swap" needs to come out when the 4th "swappee" is gone, dontyathink?

Oh well, I just thought it was funny and I would share it with the readers here. I've changed the verbage and been very non-specific to avoid hurting anyone's feelings - because I'm not about attacking someone. I just thought you'd appreciate it, after all our many discussions here about how we "define" ourselves.

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Good for you, Dana. I think what folks here are mostly saying is to makre sure you and your SO know what you want going in and be honest about that with those you meet along the way.

Nanjemoy MD
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Hey, as long as y'all are honest with people from jump I don't see anything wrong with that.....everyone swings their own way. I think the only time people would get upset is if they felt like you tricked them in some way by making them believe both you and your husband are into full play. But if you are straight up from jump there is no issue I think. Shelly


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To the OP, I read that as the couple's guy will/wants to have intercourse with the guest female. We list ourselves as primarily soft swap because our guy does not want to have intercourse with anyone - he sticks with kissing, fondling, oral, touching, watching. He is ok with me doing whatever I feel comfortable with, and I prefer (but don't require) intercourse over soft swap. This is a bit of a challenge for us as when we meet other couples, they are usually interested in the 4 person exchange. So, we list ourselves as soft, then in inital conversations I let them know that I am available for more but he is not. It is confusing, but with so many people online and looking, we tried to be detailed in our profile so we don't get emails that are a waste of everyone's time. Also, people seem to think it's ok to "blame" me for him not having intercourse with the other females, telling me I'm too insecure, etc. It was his decision, and it's where he feels most comfortable - if it was up to me, he would be fucking more - then I would too :)

Boothwyn PA
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Destin, D&J, I CANNOT agree with you more. OMG do I agree with you!!! We met one couple where she is allowed to play and he watches. So we're in the hot tub and she is playing around (there was a group of people in the hot tub), and his hand is all over me. I'm thinking omg what do I do. I don't want to bust him out and start a scene, but they are not on the same page. So I moved. It annoys the living you know WHAT out of me, but the fact is most couples we have met do NOT have their acts together. Shelly


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D&J, right on...we see this as young people come into the Lifestyle or brand new folks try it for the first time more than anywhere.

I remember when it was hard to find swingers under 40, married less than 5 years and having actually talked and agreed to the activities with another couple before proceeding.

New couples with their wedding pics on a swingers site, under 25's with little experience and none in swapping, men pushing their spouses into it all should just back off and enjoy life and gain some maturity before entering the Lifestyle.

Destin FL
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It's so interesting the comfort levels of people trying to play but also trying to live within exclusionary rules. To us it sounds like a recipe for discomfort. Okay, the lady can play with ladies, but he better not play with any ladies, even if he wants to so badly that he will if his partner's back is turned. That's a guaranteed bad scene. Such rules result from one of the two wanting to have her cake but he better not do more than watch it. Can he eat if he can't penetrate it?

Parties present such problems for couples with exclusion rules. If both of the couple do not follow the exclusionary rule to the letter, what do you expect but trouble? Couples not on the same page are simply no fun. We've met a few where the male was pressuring the female to play and didn't get it when we wouldn't play unless she was willing and happy to play. Such drama!

When you're young and starting on this experimenting path, it's understandable to hit a few bumps. But being older limits our patience with such shit. We'd rather have sex with ourselves, since we know it will be great, than to sort out another couple's sexual comfort levels and try to make sense of a list of exclusionary rules.

Enosburg Falls VT
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NO CONDOMS?!? thats insane to us. I would have never thought to worry about something like that. I thought i was pretty much the norm...condoms.

Steger IL
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In regards to house parties, I have to say that I agree...at least no large house parties from now on. We talked about it, and we agreed that we only want to go to small ones with no more than 3-4 couples there. The huge groups are cool for those that are into them of course, but not our thing.....I sat and watched a large one, and wow. Men going from woman to woman to woman to woman and no condoms at all......just makes me nervous. My medical training blew right through the alcohol lol and I'm sitting there thinking what the F***!!! LOL So we are keeping it more intimate from now on. Shelly


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We are the same way in regards to house parties, much prefer to meet up one on one.

Destin FL
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I'm kinda on the fence. What is female Bi sex, if it isn't Oral? But there is not penetration unless there is toys...but thats not ...oh goodness! I have no idea..I just know the thought of it all is just make'n me smile :D I guess just asking all the right questions will clear up everyones definition of what is ok and what isn't. That whole pool scenario that was discribed, is one of the reasons i hesitate to go to a "house party". We've been invited to numerous events and have always declined. I need to get to know the people first. Know their limits and for them to know ours. It just seems alittle to chaotic for me pesonally.

Steger IL
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TOPIC: Ok - - - now I've seen it all (re: how couples define themselves)