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Newbie with a few questions : Swingers Discussion 179652101
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TOPIC: Newbie with a few questions
Created by: looking4fun826
Original Starting post for this thread:
My husband and I have had so many conversations about entering the lifestyle, our boundaries, expectations, and our excitement. We are both in this together. We had one experience at an off premise club and really did not meet anyone and was quite disappointed. We also went to an on premise club and did meet another couple and had a great first soft swap experience!

So my questions...how do you meet others, say at an off premise club, and move to the next level? Make arrangements for another meeting? Isn't there a lot of pressure with the second meeting? When do you tell another couple your boundaries and expectations? What if you change your mind when you are out somewhere just together? Do you give them your phone number and address? how do you know from that first meeting that they are not crazy?

I know...a lot of questions. I just want to know how this process happens, be safe, meet nice people that will respect me and my husband and our boundaries. I do want to meet others and find lasting friendships which I think would be more fulfilling then the one night stand...just not sure how to get started.

Thanks!

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Kory,

Hang in there! When we started last year we became very frustrated trying to force that first encounter and almost ended up with a few doozies. Finally as we lay in bed one night we decided to just stop pushing and let it happen and the very next day, out of the blue we got an email from the best couple possible. We met then for drinks and had a ton of questions which they were kind enough to answer all night. When we finally ended up alone, they said 'you make the rules' and they were true to their word. We have since hooked up multiple times with each experience better than the last!

Before that though we were very frustrated and had some really rude encounters trying to get answers. If you want, please feel free to email us with ANY questions you may have about ANYTHING and we will be glad to help as much as we can. We do not have a ton of experience but we will happily share with you and get you to where you can start to feel comfortable.

This is an not easy thing to start but a great thing to take part in. Please read our profile and you will see thast it is in part the result of some of our encounters and we have worked them in. This whole 'lifestyle' thing is constantly changing and evolving; what you want this week you might not next and vice versa. The key is to keep open communications constantly, with your partner and your partners! Choose wisely; if it feels somehow wrong, it probably is. Trust your instincts and don't make a decision with an erection!

We will open some pics for you. Please visit our profile and write if you like! S&D

Wexford PA
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Also~ Pretty every club, off or on premise, will have a host couple. Make a bee-line for them, and tell them you are newbies. They will happily and enthusiastically show you the ropes, and answer ANY question from their perspective.

If you are concerned about letting the other couple know you are soft swap only, consider this (it was something the other guy of a couple we met did, and it was a brilliant way to get across what they want), He asked us, "So what kind of rules have you discussed between the two of you?", after my husband and I answered, we politely asked them, and he was very open about it. It was a very very low pressure, conversational way for him to first gauge if we were on the same page, and second, let us know what their expectations were.

Good Luck!

Baltimore MD
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we sought out mentors as well. read a lot of profiles and just sent e-mails to the people we liked. you could tell easily which ones were very friendly and which were not. the mentors were so helpful that it made us want to be mentors for others. to ease people into the life we just joined. we're new..yes (january) but we've made up for lost time. (playing at four parties, a regular couple to play with, 1 MFM, 1 FMF, 1 orgy...and would have been more if the meetings hadn't fallen through at the last minute.) we've learned a lot and made a lot of mistakes. if there are any questions we can answer, we're happy to try.

Knoxville TN
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don't feel bad about not meeting somebody right away, remember how many people you met be fore you met your mate.the same in swinging,don't get in a hurry take your time,it will happen,then enjoy

Kingston TN
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Its funny you should mention having a mentor, because that's kinda how we first started. We started chatting with a couple who was a little more familiar with the local "scene" we eventually met them out at some lifestyle friendly events and slowly became more acquainted with one another and swinging in general (you guys know who you are ;) ) I think we were lucky in a way, that we never felt pressured, and it gave us a chance to be very open with one another I.e our boundaries, likes, dislikes etc....

S Yarmouth MA
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Thank you for the feedback. I am sure that all my questions have been answered before in these forums, but it is so hard to find what I am looking for.

I have read about others acting as mentors to newbies in that just providing guidance and explanations to how things worked within the lifestyle. I would love to meet in person and talk...any trips to New York in the near future?

East Northport NY
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First things first is we should get together to discuss this in person :p

I am surprised no one has responded yet.... There are many good threads on this and It may sound like a broken record, but move at your own pace ... always communicate between your partner and the other couple .... If you are going to be open with your bodies, you should be open to discuss what your expectations are. We like approach new encounters the same way we would with vanilla friends, go in with no expectations, and see if there is a connection ....not only physically. Meet in locations that you feel the most comfortable, every one has there own tastes, Some like a cozy bar some wine and jazz, or it may be a thumping night club. Don't be afraid to decline things that make you uncomfortable, if you feel pressure from another then obviously they aren't the ones for you :) Most importantly have fun!

S Yarmouth MA
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My husband and I have had so many conversations about entering the lifestyle, our boundaries, expectations, and our excitement. We are both in this together. We had one experience at an off premise club and really did not meet anyone and was quite disappointed. We also went to an on premise club and did meet another couple and had a great first soft swap experience!

So my questions...how do you meet others, say at an off premise club, and move to the next level? Make arrangements for another meeting? Isn't there a lot of pressure with the second meeting? When do you tell another couple your boundaries and expectations? What if you change your mind when you are out somewhere just together? Do you give them your phone number and address? how do you know from that first meeting that they are not crazy?

I know...a lot of questions. I just want to know how this process happens, be safe, meet nice people that will respect me and my husband and our boundaries. I do want to meet others and find lasting friendships which I think would be more fulfilling then the one night stand...just not sure how to get started.

Thanks!

East Northport NY
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(33 posts)
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TOPIC: Newbie with a few questions