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FORUMS General Discussions Soft Swinger Handling boundaries with couples - hubby can swap but not wife
TOPIC: Handling boundaries with couples - hubby can swap but not wife
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Each couple is different of course, however, I'd just feel like I was pimping out my wife to another couple.

That isn't much different than an MFM. If I want to have sexy fun with my wife I'd then have two people competing with me and no other option for me.

We like going into situations where everyone gets to have his fun :-)

Bensalem PA
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As long as it is just girl on girl and no guy play im ok with that BUT if the hubby thinks hes going to play while i set an watch ..WRONG not happing

Summerville SC
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We have so much to learn about swinging, so my apologies if I break some hidden code of the swing world or come off as rude. "

Passion I don't think people are being rude to you....however you must realize that we are here to have our needs met like you are. We would not play with y'all because I am straight and here to play with the other husband. So unless Jay plays with your wife alone and I have another play partner...such as at a house party for instance...we would not email y'all. Are you wrong? Of course not. I did not notice whether or not your wife is bi or straight. If she is bi I am suprised that she is having issues, most couples would give their right arm for a bi woman lol. If she is straight you are going to have issues because the other wife will be like me, who am I supposed to play with, myself? LOL. Just be patient. You are NOT wrong and do not play if you do not want to...trust me, I would prefer you not play with me simply because you don't want to mess up things for your wife. There are people out here who do play alone. A very good friend of mine plays and his wife does not. I have talked to her and we know they are for real.


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Perhaps you don't make the connection that this particular desire may be the most common one to those who don't want to share fully, who aren't fully into the sensual arena of playing. Why? Because your desire is for another women without sharing fully with the woman's man. So you're asking for another couple to play with you but only the woman fully and not the other man. Many, many other couples have that fantasy.

The key is that you aren't looking to share with a couple exactly like yourself. You want threesome play fully with another couple's woman, leaving out the man. They would want threesome play with your woman, leaving out your man. So in fact you are ruling out yourself as a match for you. There is the unbalance. You are not desiring to meet those who desire exactly the same as you.

Enosburg Falls VT
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Okay, this may be hard to believe given the responses so far, but search the forums for our name and you will see a post from a couple months ago where we posted that we were looking for compare it to what you are looking for.

It's very strange to us that what you ask is nearly identical to what we were looking for. Believe me, there are so few of us you might have to do what we did and give up. I mean, now I'm looking to play too, simply because if I don't, people wont consider us normal. It isn't like it would kill me to join in, I'd have fun, but I really want my wife to have her special experience.

Again, I know we are a very big minority, but keep the faith.. There are some of us out there.

We took a long break, about a couple months ago because it got so frustrating. After finding a few people outside of the forums who encouraged us to continue to chase the fantasies we are back.

I mean, (and you sound very similar to me) it isn't that I'm sitting back and cold as hell and unable to get it up. I just recognize that this is her fantasy. I have mine too. We are going to find a woman some day who will join me in taking advantage of my wife's submissive side. So it isn't like we don't pursue the things I want as well.

In fact, it's probably more likely that I'll find a single bisexual dominant female to join me in a tandem domination and ultimate tease of my wife (another fantasy of mine/ours) before she'd find a couple that would accept her and her very simple fantasy.

Is that freaking crazy or what?

We have so much to learn about swinging, so my apologies if I break some hidden code of the swing world or come off as rude. As you can tell I seldom EVER post, and I'm taking a chance by speaking up and being different, but I had to say something. I just had to. I relate too much to what the original poster is asking for.

Please have a great day everyone, swing happy and long.. :D

Folsom CA
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Sounds strange and one sided but to each thier own. If it works for you "AND" you make that perfectly clear to whomever you plan to be with then more power to you.

Los Banos CA
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DandJ made a good point in their post. I remember a newbie couple we met years ago, who had so many rules that it was truly confusing. And the rules weren't equal, if you know what I mean. They wouldn't kiss, then he could kiss and she couldn't, then it was ok for both. My take on it then, and now, is that you need to realize that this is a team sport. If one person is playing and the other is sitting on the bench, the issues are going to raise their ugly heads sooner rather than later.

I agree with DandJ, if you can find people who are comfortable with your preferences, go for it. S

Cambridge VT
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The main problem we see is not that you have this specific boundary issue, but rather what other boundary issues may be hiding. Many of us understand being new to sharing sexually and a couple not being comfortable yet with penetration of the woman. It opens up the question of what other situations might you not be comfortable with.

If you can find those who are comfortable with play on your terms, fine. The question is still whether you are yet ready for sharing at all. The you can share but not me is a halfway there, a not fully realized sharing. In fact the point is it's not sharing fully. If there were kids on the playground not fully sharing the swings, what would you say to them? Why do you think you're different?

Enosburg Falls VT
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One of our most erotic experiences came with a couple with just your preferences. We didn't know this outright, but found it out when we were talking prior to play. Although J was a little doubtful, they were an incredibly sexy couple, so we agreed to their boundaries. Like Expo, it opened our eyes to the eroticism that can exist. It also opened our minds to considering other play scenarios. We don't have a problem with the preferences of others as long as they are well thought-out, consistent, and they're able to communicate them.

I would put all of what you posted here into your profile. Make it clear what you are looking for, since the profile is your first and only shot at attracting someone who wants the same things. S

Cambridge VT
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The situation you are describing we know about first hand. our very best friends who we met 12 years ago in swinging have the same style you do.At first it was odd. The more open minded I/ we became, the more we accepted this style of play.We really enjoyed being aorund this couple. If not for them we probably would not be as accepting of others practices. We learned it was not about me attitude as much as the we attitude. So many have the thought of if I do not get mine it is not going to happen. No matter how it is described it still is the if I don't get mine also ,it won't happen. We hang out together,take vacations together ,celebrate birthdays,including our kids who are no longer kids. They are just neat neat people. Don't fret your preferences , somehow they do work out.

Sarasota FL
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TOPIC: Handling boundaries with couples - hubby can swap but not wife