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Friendship in the L-S are we barking up the wrong tree : Swingers Discussion 185372101
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsSoft SwingerFriendship in the L-S are we barking up the wrong tree
TOPIC: Friendship in the L-S are we barking up the wrong tree
Created by: twonluv69
Original Starting post for this thread:
We have found that folks in the lifestyle are some of the most intelligent and interesting people we've ever met. Some we have a few things in common, others a lot. But when it comes to playing we have to (1) know, (2) trust and (3) respect the folks we're being intimate with (sorry, that's just the way we're "wired"). We've only met a about 3 couples that we can really call friends (go out for non-lifestyle activities, welcome in each other's home, feel comfortable around our vanilla friends, etc.) While we have no problem meeting folks and making friends no matter what their preference or experience level is, we let it be know from the beginning we are soft-swap and if they can't respect our boundaries then they can't respect us. It's just been frustrating as the folks who say "Wow, you sound like us" or "We'd love to get to know you" won't waste any longer than a week before they lose interest. So we're curious to know if anyone else feels this way, has had similar experiences or are we wasting our time?

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Agreed mike69882, which is why we typically only contact folks who are Tame or Moderate at best... however, that still leaves a lot of room for interpretation. More often than not it's the Full-Swap couples that contact us stating it's "easier for them to come down to our level" than for us to come up to theirs. We always respectfully decline, but let them know if they're interested in just hanging out as friends we have no problems there. Some of our best friends are full-swap couples and what makes them such good friends is that they know and respect our boundaries.

Fairview Heights IL
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We enjoy making new friends whose profiles match ours. My advice is to contact like-minded people only. The friends we make here are our "sexy Friends". We do go out together but it always includes sex. We have other friends who don't know we are Swingers and we like it that way. Sue

Lake Hamilton FL
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Welcome to the forums Aaronandbarb!! "Well mannered and charming" aren't word that you see here very often, but we're glad to know we're not alone. There's an expression that goes "If you want to make a friend, be a friend" and we certainly try to make folks feel welcome and at ease. No hidden agenda, just like to communicate with other like minded people.

Fairview Heights IL
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My wife and I are also new to the lifestyle and only interested in soft swap. You're for sure not alone.

Chicago IL
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Would love to hear from others who value "friendship first"...

We realize different people are looking for different things, but I'm sure we've all been frustrated by people who contact us say "OMG, we HAVE to meet you" only to have things fizzle out after a couple of e-mails.

Fairview Heights IL
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Thanks sweetjzabelle, we like to say that we're not working against a deadline and it takes as long as it takes to get to know someone. We were spoiled early as we met some VERY nice people that we are life-long friends with to this day. But unfortunately after making ourselves available/approachable for so long (with little or no consideration) the frustration of "putting yourself out there" can take its toll. We just feel like (for us) those two worlds will stay separate.

Fairview Heights IL
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There are a lot of people that state they want to be friends. I think if that is what you seek you will find it, it may take a long time but then again it takes a long time for those who seek anything other than a fast fuck. There are those that want to meet and immediately want to go to the nearest hotel first meeting if everyone doesnt run. I have friends I have known (by known I mean I meet them at events, houseparties, group meetings, etc. .) and havent had sex with them for three or four meetings not that we were setting up a friendship but feeling out each other and making sure there was chemistry. The neat thing is there is no expiration date on how long it takes you to find fun.

Spring TX
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Well said JandGinSD "Those who don't look for enduring friendships are discounting an important social component of it all" ...it's nice to know we aren't alone.

We've met every flavor from mild to wild, and we USED TO feel like "the L/S was a refuge from the more uptight society" but felt we were "left out" of certain events or ignored when we tried to invite folks out to dinner. Either way we harbor no ill feelings but (for us at least) we'll be content with our Vanilla friends.

Fairview Heights IL
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We aren't on the bigtime experienced side of play. However, this is what does drive us, how we, as a couple, are wired too. We're past all of the makigng babies sex thing. It is genuinely recreational. Yes, between the two of us, there is love as an important component. We see the L/S as a social circle where we can play for fun as much as we might do other more vanilla things. Play is part of the friendship, but not defining it. The L/S itself is a refuge from the more uptight and ridiculously judgmental society. The sex is naughty variety, which sometimes can be filled by each other but broadens when others are admitted into the play.

The restraints are health and safety. No diseases here and we do not want to take on more than acceptable risk in that regard. Like-minded (and cautious) couples are out there. Among them, there is surely mutual sexual attraction. We'll easily be friends with many others in the L/S, but not get into the sack with all of them. There really should be more to the L/S than just more varied sex. Those who don't look for enduring friendships are discounting an important social component of it all. We wouldn't be interested in this if it was all about a lot of shtupping and socializing limited to meet-and-greet to choose sexual partners.

San Diego CA
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Thanks Lost_j1 (et al.) for your input, as we believe this is a topic a lot of folks (particularly S/S couples) may be interested in.

We like swingers too as they are some of the most interesting people you could ever meet. Thanks why it's so frustrating that (more often than not) we only attract folks who will only have anything to do with us if someone's getting laid. The two of us can certainly distinguish Sex from friendship and appreciate "emotional distance" since we respect other's privacy as much as we preserve ours. We've NEVER claimed to be swingers and ALWAYS state that up front, and I hate to be cliche' but it certainly seems that "Friends with Benefits" is EXACTLY what we're looking for. Problem is in this environment its more "Benefits with Friends".

Fairview Heights IL
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TOPIC: Friendship in the L-S are we barking up the wrong tree