So we're curious to know if anyone else feels this way, has had similar experiences or are we wasting our time?" I have found that you must find a place that is good for you...and if others do not like it, that is their issue and not mine. I do not have to "tailor" myself to others to get laid, because if getting laid by strange is that important to me I'll hire a professional. We started out full swap, struggled, got pissed, frustrated, angry, pulled back...and have come back into the lifestyle as soft swap basically. We LOVE swingers, we just do not like how sex causes lots of swingers to behave. And we are seeing it lately with full swappers, just being back in it for a few months. You are NOT barking up the wrong tree, there are other couples who are in this for friendship..and we have friendships that are now years old and they are very important people to us. Just hang in there and do not compromise.

Thanks JackMichelle, that is precisely the type of insight we were looking for. This is not a full-time lifestyle for us, but merely the icing on an already delicious cake. While we're not looking to get "super close" we also don't want to end up as notches on someone's bedpost either. We've been on countless "first dates" with other couples that it would seem we have a lot in common with (we're all newbies, interested in soft-swap), but very rarely get a callback/e-mail/etc. if only to say "Thanks but no thanks". The chances of four people meeting and all getting along are already staggering, but the chances of meeting folks that we can relax, feel "safe and comfortable" with enough to let go of our inhibitions and play with are astronomical. I will go on to say this though, our closest "lifestyle" friends are the ones that are seasoned swingers and seem to be more accepting of our boundaries and pace than folks who are new(er) to the L/S. P.S. We do hope Michelle is doing well... we wish her a speedy recovery!

Everyone defines "friendship" differently and although we have becomes friends with some of our playmates in general I too prefer emotional distance overall. We're not into the wine you dine you hope you grow to like us dating scene in the lifestyle. Many people are and if that's what they're comfortable with that's what they should seek. True friendships take time , we're looking more for companions with like minded people . Below is an exert from our profile that clarifies just how far we won't go into a friendship. We once had a couple we played with several times invite us to their child's first communion with all their family and many of their swing friends, although we LIKED them and considered them friends on some levels to us that was over the top and made us feel extremely uncomfortable and No we didn't attend lol. "We aren't looking for Pen Pals, Chat Buddies or Bowling Partners nor are we seeking our "perfect "match/ mate or new Best Friends. We're not interested in collecting photos or being a part of your collection . We understand that many of you are looking for "friends first" but we believe "true" friendships and deep connections are terrific when they happen but not our primary reason for being here. We really aren't looking to be invited to your Family BBQ, your daughters Wedding, your sons Birthday party or your uncles Festers funeral. We also do not feel the need to call you when life throws us a lemon, our car breaks down or we need to borrow a cup of sugar." Mrs Sav

Xtraplay,, that is exactly what happened with the three couples I became close with..getting too close can ruin the excitement.

Friendships are fine, but from experience we have become pretty good friends with a couple that we have played with numerous times. Now, we are more friends than playmates. Actually, after getting to know them as well as we do, the sexual attraction is not there. We still hang out, go out to eat and play with our S/O when we are all together. But the thrill of hooking up is no longer there.

Ok 2-69er's; I just have to post on this... You are looking for a deep friendship first then just maybe, play time. That is fine, that is how you are wired as you say in your profile. And no doubt you'll find some folks that will accept your approach with the ultimate landing be at soft-swap. And you have a right to be who and what you are. Now the other side of the coin... swinging even when it's 69ing with each other's wife is just borrowing, with permission and supervision. Many couples don't want to get super close. They want a bit of a distance. They don't want to live with you or fall in love with you. Many folks who are seasoned swingers will tell you that there has to be a distance. That is part of what makes it safe emotionally. And with you being soft-swap (like we are) that limits the field already. By the same token, yes, you want to know people well enough to feel safe and comfortable. So you don't just look at a couple at a party and go... 'Nice wife, wanna fuck?' But even the courtship you suggest doesn't tell you that much. The other guy could be a closet gay, molester, ex-felon who is not so ex. Do you really think you can tell? We have two couples on here who we consider friends. In both cases, we played on the first night. The friendship developed from that point on. Both me and Mrs. JM felt safe with them from the start, and since it all worked out well with no drama, the friendship thing is really cool. With whom else can you talk about swinging other than the folks whose parts have been in your mouths! So, 2-for-69, I suggest that you may want to consider a slight re-evaluation of how close you must be before playing. But... it's your call. Be true to yourselves and carefull with any rule changes. BTW, come to Greenville SC some time and we'd love to go out to dinner with you... no promises, no expectations.

Thanks Vx2, but living near a major metropolitan city we really don't think (location) is much of an issue. We love our vanilla friends but really enjoy folks we can truly be our "normal" (sexual) selves around. Everyone wants to be excepted for who they are... after all isn't that why most of us are here??

Maybe it's just the frustration talking but we're tired of being stood up, blown off, accused of being too this or not enough that and ironically that's just by the folks that never met us! Doesn't anyone take the time (I'm not talking "Hey your wife is hot, let's meet?") to get to know anyone???

We have found that folks in the lifestyle are some of the most intelligent and interesting people we've ever met. Some we have a few things in common, others a lot. But when it comes to playing we have to (1) know, (2) trust and (3) respect the folks we're being intimate with (sorry, that's just the way we're "wired"). We've only met a about 3 couples that we can really call friends (go out for non-lifestyle activities, welcome in each other's home, feel comfortable around our vanilla friends, etc.) While we have no problem meeting folks and making friends no matter what their preference or experience level is, we let it be know from the beginning we are soft-swap and if they can't respect our boundaries then they can't respect us. It's just been frustrating as the folks who say "Wow, you sound like us" or "We'd love to get to know you" won't waste any longer than a week before they lose interest. So we're curious to know if anyone else feels this way, has had similar experiences or are we wasting our time?