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TOPIC: Friendship_in_the_L-S__are_we_barking_up_the_wrong_tree
Created by: twonluv69
Original Starting post for this thread:
We have found that folks in the lifestyle are some of the most intelligent and interesting people we've ever met. Some we have a few things in common, others a lot. But when it comes to playing we have to (1) know, (2) trust and (3) respect the folks we're being intimate with (sorry, that's just the way we're "wired"). We've only met a about 3 couples that we can really call friends (go out for non-lifestyle activities, welcome in each other's home, feel comfortable around our vanilla friends, etc.) While we have no problem meeting folks and making friends no matter what their preference or experience level is, we let it be know from the beginning we are soft-swap and if they can't respect our boundaries then they can't respect us. It's just been frustrating as the folks who say "Wow, you sound like us" or "We'd love to get to know you" won't waste any longer than a week before they lose interest. So we're curious to know if anyone else feels this way, has had similar experiences or are we wasting our time?

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Becoming friends with couples usually depends on you having some of the same vanilla interests. We've become friends with a handful of couples we share some outside the Lifestyle interests with, such as motorcycle riding, kayaking, the beach or going to MLB games together. Other couples we just get together with for great sex now & then. Guess the Lifestyle is the only common interest we need there :D

Princeton NJ
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prettydominica,

Exactly the opposite for us. Both our, and your, experience are anecdotal, but we had a different experience. We didn't find friends by being restrictive. We found them by being open to try new people at any time it felt right. You're shooting with a rifle, we used a shotgun, if you get that analogy. The more people you meet and play with, the more likely it is you'll find the people who you can be real friends with. At least that's how it worked for us.

Hilliard OH
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We feel and experience the same thing. We want the friends with benefits thing. Not just bed hop with different people every weekend, month, etc. and we stopped with full swap because of it. Now , if you can't soft swing with us until we all develope an ongoing friendship than no full swap with us.

Newburgh NY
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Agreed mike69882, which is why we typically only contact folks who are Tame or Moderate at best... however, that still leaves a lot of room for interpretation. More often than not it's the Full-Swap couples that contact us stating it's "easier for them to come down to our level" than for us to come up to theirs. We always respectfully decline, but let them know if they're interested in just hanging out as friends we have no problems there. Some of our best friends are full-swap couples and what makes them such good friends is that they know and respect our boundaries.

Fairview Heights IL
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We enjoy making new friends whose profiles match ours. My advice is to contact like-minded people only. The friends we make here are our "sexy Friends". We do go out together but it always includes sex. We have other friends who don't know we are Swingers and we like it that way. Sue

Lake Hamilton FL
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Welcome to the forums Aaronandbarb!! "Well mannered and charming" aren't word that you see here very often, but we're glad to know we're not alone. There's an expression that goes "If you want to make a friend, be a friend" and we certainly try to make folks feel welcome and at ease. No hidden agenda, just like to communicate with other like minded people.

Fairview Heights IL
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My wife and I are also new to the lifestyle and only interested in soft swap. You're for sure not alone.

Chicago IL
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Would love to hear from others who value "friendship first"...

We realize different people are looking for different things, but I'm sure we've all been frustrated by people who contact us say "OMG, we HAVE to meet you" only to have things fizzle out after a couple of e-mails.

Fairview Heights IL
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Thanks sweetjzabelle, we like to say that we're not working against a deadline and it takes as long as it takes to get to know someone. We were spoiled early as we met some VERY nice people that we are life-long friends with to this day. But unfortunately after making ourselves available/approachable for so long (with little or no consideration) the frustration of "putting yourself out there" can take its toll. We just feel like (for us) those two worlds will stay separate.

Fairview Heights IL
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There are a lot of people that state they want to be friends. I think if that is what you seek you will find it, it may take a long time but then again it takes a long time for those who seek anything other than a fast fuck. There are those that want to meet and immediately want to go to the nearest hotel first meeting if everyone doesnt run. I have friends I have known (by known I mean I meet them at events, houseparties, group meetings, etc. .) and havent had sex with them for three or four meetings not that we were setting up a friendship but feeling out each other and making sure there was chemistry. The neat thing is there is no expiration date on how long it takes you to find fun.

Houston TX
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TOPIC: Friendship in the L-S are we barking up the wrong tree
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