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TOPIC: AARP_crowd***Happy_thought_of_the_day
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California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as...

PINO MORE

I heard it through the grapevine LOL

Clemmons NC
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Little Jimmy woke up Christmas morning and found a brand new beautiful bicycle under the tree with his name on it. He was so excited he didn't even look at what else was under the tree. This was all he wanted. He jumped on it peddling down the street yelling "Thank you Santa. Thank you".

He came to a street intersection and stopped. A cop on horseback rode over to him and said: "Hey young man, did Santa bring you that bicycle for Christmas?" " YES SIR" Jimmy replied." Ain't it beautiful?" The cop said: "It sure is." The cop handed Jimmy a piece of paper. "What's this officer?" Jimmy ask. "It's a traffic citation" the cop replied. "Next year tell Santa to put reflectors on it"s peddles, fenders and handle bars so that it is street legal."

Little Jimmy looked at the piece of paper, read it, and looked back up at the officer and said: "Did Santa bring you that horse?" The cop decided to play along with the innocent question. "Well yes, he did. Aint't he beautiful?"

Little Jimmy handed the citation back to the officer. The cop ask "What's this?" Little Jimmy said: "It's a traffic citation. Next year tell Santa to put the prick between his hind legs where it belongs. Not on his back. That way he's street legal."

Seguin TX
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As NJNY often says...."Snort".

Very funny KJ. I wondered where that story was going.

Seguin TX
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funny,

KJ

Bridgewater NJ
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Good one HFT

There were 3 guys who died on Christmas Eve & went to heaven.

St. Peter at the gate said since you all died on Christmas Eve you all got to show me something that represents Christmas.

First guy puts his hand in his pocket & pulls out a lighter lights it & said "Candle" St. Peter said there are candles for Christmas go in

Second guy pulls out a set of keys & shakes them saying bells. St. Peter said there are bell for Christmas go in.

Third guy pockets were turned inside out "Well" St. Peter said The guy puts his hand in his coat pocket & pulls out a pair of womans panties St. Peter said now what do they have to do with Christmas?

The guy said "Oh theses are Carols."

Clemmons NC
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Testicle Disorder: A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained.

"I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman...

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly:

"Same illness, better health plan. "

Thornton CO
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KJ, You're priceless. ;-)))

Seguin TX
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*snort*

good one, KJ!

Bridgewater NJ
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And Tom, I did not see that coming either.....good one. Scandle - your moms a tad naughty too, apple doesn't fall far .......LOL

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asked. He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out.'"

She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"

Again he looked up at her, and he replied, "Mission accomplished."

Clemmons NC
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That's cute, Tom!

KJ, I liked your last joke here so much that I shared it with my mother's group of elderly friends (women and men) at her birthday party yesterday. They roared with laughter! Thanks for sharing it.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day
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