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TOPIC: AARP_crowd***Happy_thought_of_the_day
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She's single... she's built ...she's beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when She walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and have sex tonight. Are you doing anything?" I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!" "Great," she said. "Can you watch my dog?"

Being a senior citizen really sucks!

Thornton CO
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Here's one from Pensacola Beach, Fla

Two elderly women at the assisted living center - one a resident for awhile and one a newcomer - were having their morning coffee together. The newcomer asked the other - Martha, do you ever get those feelings ? Martha replied - what feelings are you referring to Alice ? You know Martha - those old horny feelings where you wish you had a man again ? Yes Alice I still do - about once a week ! Alice asked - Well what do you do about them ? Well, I just suck on a LifeSaver until the feeling goes away. To which Alice replied - Darn, I didn't know the van would take us to the beach !

Pensacola FL
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KJ. In my opinion that totally fits here. I'm LMAO.

Seguin TX
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Not sure it really fits here, but hey Santa is card carrying AARP member:

Santa went down the Chimney and started putting presents under the tree.

He went to leave and noticed the most beautiful red headed women laying there in her naughty nighties, She said santa do you wanna stay and play,

He said HO HO HO Gotta go Gotta Go gotta deliver presents to the kids Ho HO.

So he went to leave again and She said once more, "Santa dont you want to stay and play" as she took off her nighties and was layin there in a sexxy g-string,

He said Ho Ho HO gotta go gotta go gotta deliver presents to the kids dont you know ho ho,

So he went to leave one last time and the women said again,

"Santa stay and play" and when he turned around she was laying there completely naked, The most beautiful thing in the world spread eagle,

He said hey hey hey gotta stay gotta stay, cant go up the chimney with my pecker this way!

Welcome NC
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Okay, Kelly a good one. For that one you get the, "Church Lady, Saturday Night Live" award.

Thornton CO
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California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as...

PINO MORE

I heard it through the grapevine LOL

Welcome NC
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Little Jimmy woke up Christmas morning and found a brand new beautiful bicycle under the tree with his name on it. He was so excited he didn't even look at what else was under the tree. This was all he wanted. He jumped on it peddling down the street yelling "Thank you Santa. Thank you".

He came to a street intersection and stopped. A cop on horseback rode over to him and said: "Hey young man, did Santa bring you that bicycle for Christmas?" " YES SIR" Jimmy replied." Ain't it beautiful?" The cop said: "It sure is." The cop handed Jimmy a piece of paper. "What's this officer?" Jimmy ask. "It's a traffic citation" the cop replied. "Next year tell Santa to put reflectors on it"s peddles, fenders and handle bars so that it is street legal."

Little Jimmy looked at the piece of paper, read it, and looked back up at the officer and said: "Did Santa bring you that horse?" The cop decided to play along with the innocent question. "Well yes, he did. Aint't he beautiful?"

Little Jimmy handed the citation back to the officer. The cop ask "What's this?" Little Jimmy said: "It's a traffic citation. Next year tell Santa to put the prick between his hind legs where it belongs. Not on his back. That way he's street legal."

Seguin TX
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As NJNY often says...."Snort".

Very funny KJ. I wondered where that story was going.

Seguin TX
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funny,

KJ

Bridgewater NJ
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Good one HFT

There were 3 guys who died on Christmas Eve & went to heaven.

St. Peter at the gate said since you all died on Christmas Eve you all got to show me something that represents Christmas.

First guy puts his hand in his pocket & pulls out a lighter lights it & said "Candle" St. Peter said there are candles for Christmas go in

Second guy pulls out a set of keys & shakes them saying bells. St. Peter said there are bell for Christmas go in.

Third guy pockets were turned inside out "Well" St. Peter said The guy puts his hand in his coat pocket & pulls out a pair of womans panties St. Peter said now what do they have to do with Christmas?

The guy said "Oh theses are Carols."

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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day
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