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TOPIC: AARP_crowd***Happy_thought_of_the_day
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funny,

KJ

Bridgewater NJ
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Good one HFT

There were 3 guys who died on Christmas Eve & went to heaven.

St. Peter at the gate said since you all died on Christmas Eve you all got to show me something that represents Christmas.

First guy puts his hand in his pocket & pulls out a lighter lights it & said "Candle" St. Peter said there are candles for Christmas go in

Second guy pulls out a set of keys & shakes them saying bells. St. Peter said there are bell for Christmas go in.

Third guy pockets were turned inside out "Well" St. Peter said The guy puts his hand in his coat pocket & pulls out a pair of womans panties St. Peter said now what do they have to do with Christmas?

The guy said "Oh theses are Carols."

Clemmons NC
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Testicle Disorder: A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained.

"I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman...

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly:

"Same illness, better health plan. "

Thornton CO
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KJ, You're priceless. ;-)))

Seguin TX
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*snort*

good one, KJ!

Bridgewater NJ
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And Tom, I did not see that coming either.....good one. Scandle - your moms a tad naughty too, apple doesn't fall far .......LOL

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asked. He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out.'"

She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"

Again he looked up at her, and he replied, "Mission accomplished."

Clemmons NC
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That's cute, Tom!

KJ, I liked your last joke here so much that I shared it with my mother's group of elderly friends (women and men) at her birthday party yesterday. They roared with laughter! Thanks for sharing it.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Todd hadn't seen his elderly grandfather since his grandmother passed away a year ago. He decided to pay him a surprise visit. He walked 6 miles in the summer sun. The grandfather was so excited to see him. They chatted a bit. Todd ask: "Well, how are you doing Grandpa"? Grandpa said: "Pretty good I guess. Since your Grandma passed my social security has been cut in half. My sewer system is not working like it should and my hot water heater is on the blink. I don't have the money to get everything fixed".Then the grandfather said: "You walked a long way in this heat. Can I get you something to drink". Todd said: "I would love a glass of water". The old man returned with the glass of water and Todd said: "Grandpa, this glass looks dirty". Grandpa said: "Don't worry about it. It's as clean as cold water can get it." After chatting some more Grandpa ask: "I have dinner on the stove. Are you hungry"? Todd said: "Starved". As grandpa was setting the table Todd said: " Grandpa, these dishes and silverware look greasy and nasty". Grandpa said : "Don't worry about it. it's as clean as cold water can get them".

After dinner Grandpa said: "I need a smoke. lets go to the back yard". Upon exiting the back door the pair were met by a beautiful golden retriever. Todd said: "Grandpa, I didn't know you had a dog". Grandpa said: "I got him after your Grandma passed away to keep me company". Todd said: "Really? He's beautiful. What's his name"? Grandpa said: "Cold water".

Seguin TX
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guuuud one, KJ!

Bridgewater NJ
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LMAO!!! You blindsided me with that one KJ. I didn't see that ending coming at all.

Seguin TX
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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day
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