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TOPIC: AARP_crowd***Happy_thought_of_the_day
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An elderly man was out for his morning stroll. While passing the lake he heard a woman's voice: "Somebody please help me!!! ". He looked around and saw no one he started to walk on and then heard the same voice again: "Somebody please help me!!!". He walked up to the water's edge and looked again. Nothing. As he turned to walk away he heard the woman's voice again. "Kind Sir, I'm down here. Will you help me?" He looked down and saw a frog sitting on a lilly pad. He picked the frog up and ask: "Are you talking to me?" The frog said: "Yes sir. I was once a beautiful princess. I angered a bad witch and she cast an ugly spell on me and turned me into a frog. The only way to break the spell is for a man to kiss me on the lips. If you will kiss me I will return to being a beautiful princess again. I will take care of you every sexual need for the rest of your life." The old man gently put the frog in his shirt pocket and said: "At my age, I would rather have a talking frog."

Seguin TX
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HFT... My deceased X father-in-law was a plumber. He told a similar story as that but not exact. I can't remember the whole story. That was 35 years ago.

Seguin TX
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Nudist, Years ago a story from my plumber. He was called to a home for a backed up septic tank. He tells the story. When he opened the tank cover and the husband owner standing there. He see the top of the full tank is covered with condoms. He says to the husband owner, "that's your problem the condoms". The husband owner says, "I DON'T USE ANY".

Thornton CO
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@Nudist: Now that's some funny shit! LMAO

Vero Beach FL
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Several years ago I woke up early one Saturday morning. My beautiful wife was still sleeping. I dressed quietly and eased out the door into the garage. I hitched up my boat to the truck, hit the remote for the garage door and I was off to the lake. The weather was terrible!!! Cold, windy, raining with sleet mixed in it. As I was driving, I turned on the radio for a weather report. It said the weather was going to be like that all day. CRAP!!! I turned around and headed back home. I slipped back into the house, quietly undressed, eased back into bed and snuggled up to my sleeping wife's warm backside. I had loving on my mind. I started kissing her on the nap of her neck and reached around and cupped one of her breast in my hand. I softly whispered in my wife's ear: "The weather is miserable outside." She giggled, pushed her warm body back against mine and said: "I know. Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out fishing in that shit?"

Seguin TX
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I'm going with #7 :)

Fort Worth TX
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Kelly gets the prize for that one!!! ;-)

Seguin TX
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@Kelly: I second BigDuke's post.

Vero Beach FL
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OMG ,That is so funny Kelly

Ronkonkoma NY
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Love making tips for seniors:

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for 2 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

7. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

8. Don't even think about trying it twice

Clemmons NC
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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day
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