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TOPIC: AARP_crowd***Happy_thought_of_the_day
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Didn't see that one coming....creative ole' man

Clemmons NC
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An old man had owned his farm for many years. On the back side of it he had a beautiful pond built. It was perfect for swimming, had a picnic table, a horse shoe and volley ball court and apple and pear trees. He hadn't been to his pond in quite a while. He picked up a 5 gallon bucket to carry fresh fruit back home in and headed for the pond. When he got there he heard giggling and laughing and found several young women skinny dipping in the pond. He cleared his throat to make his presence known. The young ladies quickly swam to the opposite end of the pond. One of them yelled: "We aren't coming out until you leave". The old man held up the 5 gallon bucket for them to see and said: "I didn't come here to watch you young ladies swim naked in my pond. I came here to feed the alligators.

Moral of the story... Even an old man can think fast sometimes.

Seguin TX
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Two years ago I was sitting on my front porch drinking a cold beer. I was enjoying the view of my much younger, beautiful, bikini clad girlfriend mowing my lawn. The old woman next door came to my fence yelling and shaking her fist at me and said: "You should be hung!!!"

I smiled at her and waved and said: "I am. That's why she is mowing my lawn!!"

Seguin TX
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@Nudist: Keep em cumming! LMAO

Vero Beach FL
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A young boy was outside raking leaves with his grandfather when he raked up an earth worm. The boy says: "Grandpa. I'll bet you that I can put this earthworm back in it's hole". The old man said: "No way kid. That earthworm is too soft, wiggley, and limp to put in that tiny little hole. I'll bet you $5 you can't do it." The kid runs into the house and comes back with a can of grandma's hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and hard and sticks it back in it's hole. The old man hands the kid a $5 bill, grabs the can of hair spray and trots back into the house. Thirty minutes later the old man comes out of the house and hands the kid another $5 bill. The kid says: "Grandpa, you already gave me $5". The old man says: "I know kid. That's from your Grandma."

Seguin TX
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@Nudist: Another winner!

Vero Beach FL
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On casino night at the senior citizen home an elderly woman said to the old man sitting next to her: "I'll bet you $10 that I can tell you exactly how old you are." The old man said: "You have a bet lady. I don't look my age." He reached into his pocket and put a $10 bill on the table. The woman pulled down the old man's pant zipper and felt around inside for a moment. Then she said: "85 years and 4 months." She picked up the $10 bill and started to stand up but the old man grabbed her hand and ask: "How the hell did you know that?" She just smiled and said: "You told me last night at bingo."

Seguin TX
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Tom, I love that last joke! I'll be sharing it with my mom, who loves telling jokes at her retirement center. Keep 'em coming, please!

Sheboygan Falls WI
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@Nudist; You've outdone yourself....LMAO

Vero Beach FL
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An elderly man was out for his morning stroll. While passing the lake he heard a woman's voice: "Somebody please help me!!! ". He looked around and saw no one he started to walk on and then heard the same voice again: "Somebody please help me!!!". He walked up to the water's edge and looked again. Nothing. As he turned to walk away he heard the woman's voice again. "Kind Sir, I'm down here. Will you help me?" He looked down and saw a frog sitting on a lilly pad. He picked the frog up and ask: "Are you talking to me?" The frog said: "Yes sir. I was once a beautiful princess. I angered a bad witch and she cast an ugly spell on me and turned me into a frog. The only way to break the spell is for a man to kiss me on the lips. If you will kiss me I will return to being a beautiful princess again. I will take care of you every sexual need for the rest of your life." The old man gently put the frog in his shirt pocket and said: "At my age, I would rather have a talking frog."

Seguin TX
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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day
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