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TOPIC: AARP_crowd***Happy_thought_of_the_day
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Tom ,you and Kelly should do a standup act together ,you two have the best jokes really I love them

Ronkonkoma NY
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Dave, a retired businessman, was sitting at the bar talking to the bartender Jerry. A nicely dressed lady walked in and sat at a table by herself. She pulled out her laptop and started typing. Dave ask Jerry: "Who is that lady sitting there?" Jerry said: "I have no idea. I've never seen her before."

After a while, and a few drinks, Dave walked over to the lady's table and said: "Hello. I don't mean to interrupt your typing, but my name is Dave. I see that you are alone. May I buy you something to drink?" The woman looked at him for a few seconds and jumped to her feet and yelled loudly: "NO!!! I will not have sex with you!!!"

Dave blushed, dropped his head, and walked back to his bar stool. The bartender ask: "What the HELL was that all about???" Dave said: " I don't know but, that bitch is crazy. All i did was ask her if I could buy her a drink."

After a few minutes the woman picked up her laptop, walked over, and sat down at the bar next to Dave. She opened up her laptop and said: "I'm sorry Dave. My name is Jill. I'm a Masters Degree Psychologist working on my doctorates. I'm doing a field study and research on male behavior in reference to rejection and humiliation. You happened along and became one of the subjects for my study. I would be honored if you would let me buy you a drink and ask you a few questions to add data to my research."

Dave jumped up from his barstool and yelled loudly: "What???...$200 dollars????.... For a blow job???"

Seguin TX
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Two old men, Sam and Bud, were sitting on a park bench. Sam says to Bud: "Do you see that little girl over there? That's my great granddaughter. She 6 years old and is smart as a whip." Bud says "Really?". Sam says: "Here, I'll show you". Sam calls the child over to him and ask her: " What does 25 X 2 equal?" The girl said: "50." Sam then ask here: What does 25 X 4 equal?" The child says: "100". Sam says: "Very good sweetie. Here's 25 cents. go get a snow cone."

Bud says: "Do you see that little boy over there that your great granddaughter is playing with? That's my 6 year old great grandson. He is as stupid as his dad, my great son-in-law. Here I'll show you." Bud calls the little boy over, reaches into his pocket and holds out 50 cents in one hand and a dollar bill in the other. Bud ask the young boy: "Which one do you want?" The boy took the 50 cents and headed for the snow cone stand. Bud said to Sam: "See, I told you. The kid never learns."

On the way home Bud ask his great grandson: "We have been going to the park all summer. Why do you always take the 50 cents instead of the dollar bill?" The kid said: "It's simple economics Grandpa. The day I take the dollar bill it's game over. You will quit telling the other old farts how stupid I am and only give me 25 cents for a snow cone."

Seguin TX
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Ditto!

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Yeah, what NJNY said.

Dover DE
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KJ & Tom: **muah** y'all are missed and it's so good to see you both.

Bridgewater NJ
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KJ. You are a trip beyond words girl. A laugh a minute. ;-))))

A young boy saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. He ask his grandpa: "Can I have a puff of your cigar?" The old man ask: "Does your pecker reach your ass?" The kid said: "No sir". The old man said: "Then you're not old enough to smoke."

Later the young boy saw his grandpa drinking a beer and ask: "Grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?" The old man ask: "Does your pecker reach your ass?". Again, the kid said: "No sir." The old man said: " Then you're not old enough to drink beer."

Later the young boy was eating some of grandma's home made cookies. Grandpa says: "I love your grandma's cookies. Can I have one?" The young boy says: "Does your pecker reach your ass?" The old man smiled mischievously and said: "Yes it does." The kid said: "Good. Go fuck yourself. Grandma made these cookies for me."

Seguin TX
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Two old guys are drinking in a bar:

One leans over and whispers, “Did you know Moose have sex 10-15 times a day?”

The other old man replies, “Figures, my damn luck, I just joined the VFW!”

Clemmons NC
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Kelly you should do stand up really ,you have so great jokes

Ronkonkoma NY
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What has happened to this room:

My wife was sleeping peacefully. I got up, put on my pants, dressed quietly, made my lunch, slipped quietly into the garage, hooked the boat to my pickup and backed out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 80 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and the weatherman said the weather would be bad all day. I unhooked the boat, went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. With aspirations having nothing to do with fishing I snuggled up to my wife's warm backside, kissed her on the neck and whispered "The weather out there is terrible".

She sheepishly replied, "I know... can you believe that stupid husband of mine is out there fishing in that crap".

Clemmons NC
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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day
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