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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day
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On topic. Jokes aside. More serious note but funny story>>>

"Texas Bull Nettle." (cnidoscolus texanus) Some times called "stinging nettle". A plant common to East Texas. One encounter with this plant where unprotected skin makes contact with the plant is an experience that one will not soon, if ever, forget. Instant intense pain, burning swelling, itching and rash. Usually compared to the stings of scorpions or wasp or worse depending on how much skin/plant contact is made. The worst symptoms last for hours, the lesser symptoms last for days. Has been known to cause anaphylaxis. I learned how to identify this plant the hard way.

There are many home remedies on the internet to help ease the pain and burning of the stinging. Baking soda mixed with water to make a paste, meat tenderizer paste, cigarette tobacco mixed with human saliva to make a mud pack all work to a degree. A few web sites will tell you that human urine is a good antidote. That may sound gross, unsanitary or unorthodox to some. But the urine works the best. I speak from experience. When you come in contact with Bull Nettle, you will do whatever it takes to stop the pain and burning.

AARP Happy thought>>>Many years ago, I went to visit my friend Kendall in East Texas. He owned several acres of land. He had recently bought several head of cows. Kendall had a 3 year old son, Dalton, that took ever step that he took like a shadow. Kendall and I went to the pasture to feed the cows. Dalton in tow. Once in the pasture, Dalton grabbed my hand and stopped me. He said:" Unca Tommy. You see that green bush right there? That's 'Bue Meddle'. If you touch it, it hurts really bad. The best thing you can do to stop it from hurting is to pee on it." I said: "Yeah Dalton, I know." Dalton said:"Well Unca Tommy, If it stings you let me know. I'll pee on it for you." I said: "Thanks Dalton. I'll remember that."

True story. Kids are priceless!!!!!

Seguin TX
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@nudist: Where do you get this stuff....LOL

Vero Beach FL
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BLT and KJ>>> Mission Accomplished. :)))

"Sex Therapy"

Local phone book:{Sex Therapist: Dr. Tim Jones. 25 years experience. Specializing in helping senior citizens. Most insurances and medicare excepted. First visit/consultation free. Following consults set up in half hour blocks.} Just what Joe and Martha (both 65 years old) were looking for. They setup an appointment.

Upon the first visit Dr. Jones ask: "What is the nature of your visit and how can I help you?" Joe spoke up: "First, we would like for you to watch us have sex." The good doctor said: "No problem. I guess that's a start." He pulled up a chair in front of the couch.

A month later a second appointment was setup with Dr. Jones. Again, the doctor ask: "What is the nature of your visit and how may I help you?" Again Joe spoke up and said: "We would like for you to watch us have sex." The doctor said: "Ok. This time I will take notes for future reference." He pulled up a chair and got his note pad.

This same scenario with Dr Jones, Joe and Martha repeated itself for the following 6 months. Finally Dr. Jones ask: "Why are two you seeking my help? You both seem to be sexually healthy, creative, energetic and agile for you age. I don't see how my services are helping you. I don't see any problems."

Joe spoke up and said:"Doc, you have helped us tremendously. We are both married but not to each other. We are cheating on our spouses who have no interest in sex at all. The co-pay here, after our insurance, is a lot cheaper than a hotel room. We are both exhibitionist and enjoy having someone watch us have sex. Plus, as our personal therapist, you can't tell a single sole about our activities. Doctor/patient confidentiality."

Seguin TX
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Kelly has her irish cloak on :)

Rockport MA
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Good one Nudist !!

Kernersville NC
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I miss the OP. He was fun, at least with me.

Vero Beach FL
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@Nudist....LOL...that is a good one. Thank you for the early morning cheer.

Vero Beach FL
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Summer time blues.

Young Billy was sent to stay with his grandparents, on their farm, for a couple of weeks while his parents went on a summer cruise. One afternoon Grandma tells Billy: "Your Grandpa is out plowing in the field. I need for you to go feed the livestock while I finish dinner". Billy hated the farm, hated chores and feeding the animals. Although angered, out the backdoor he went.

On the way to the barn a chicken crossed his path. He kicked the crap out of the chicken. Grandma yelled through the kitchen window: "I say that Billy. For that, you don't get any eggs for breakfast this week."

That didn't set too well with Billy. He was pissed now. While feeding the pigs, one of the pigs came close and he kicked the crap out of the pig. Grandma yelled again through the kitchen window: "I saw that too Billy. For that, you don't get any bacon for breakfast this week either. And I suggest that you don't kick the cow if you want to eat dinner tonight."

After his chores, Billy was walking back toward the house when Grandpa drove up on his tractor. Grandpa had had a really bad day due to breakdowns on his farm equipment. The farm cat came up and started rubbing against Grandpa's leg. Grandpa kicked the cat away.

Billy yelled: "Hey Grandma. I guess you saw that too. Do you want to tell Grandpa or do you want me to?"

Seguin TX
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I wonder how many of you have ever seen Jeanne Robertson, if you haven't, go to YouTube and look her up. Just our (my) speed......this gals got the laughs

Enjoy

Nudist I had not seen the Fishing Story before :)

Kernersville NC
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looking at kellys long lean legs mmmmmmmmmmm

Rockport MA
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TOPIC: AARP crowd***Happy thought of the day