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We have Herpes and heres how it happened! : Swingers Discussion 179430
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TOPIC: We have Herpes and heres how it happened!
Created by: Sexyngifted
Original Starting post for this thread:
Since Herpes seems to hold some interest (as it should)for people in this forum, and since we have had quite a few messages asking how we came to have it we thought why not post it in here.We need to first admit our knowledge of the "gift" as Herpes is called was nill. Never did we think that having oral sex with a person who has hsv1 orally could spread herpes to the genitals but thats exactly what happened to us.We met a WONDERFUL couple on another swing site.Met several times for drinks, things began to progress to the point that we became full swap,seperate rooms and on occasion played with each others spouse seperately.Then one morning after about a year of playing only with this couple the Mrs began to feel a tingling / burning sensation in the pubic area of her genitals, did not think much of it other than it was likely caused by some good hard sex she had had with our close friends.A few days later that changed when little red bumbs appeared, a trip to the DR. and a specific test for Herpes revealed we had been givin the "gift" of genital Herpes type 1.. Confused, upset, and in denial about covers our feelings at the time.A month later it was my turn, flu like symptoms fever, chills, and then the bumps.During this period we decided NOT to say anything to our swing partners but finally decided we could dodge them no longer,we met them and told them of our situation.We explained all we had learned about Herpes from the time we had been diagnosed to the time we had disclosed it to them.The basic facts..most don't know they have it,many miss the signs or symptoms when they do show up,and the only way to know for sure is to be tested specifically for Herpes...not just a "standard".. std test.Well of course they denied that they had Herpes and we explained they would have no way of knowing without being tested without a type specific test for it.They kept repeating they had STD tests regularly and assured us it "was not them".The problem was we never accused them of passing it to us. We did not hear from them for several months then one evening out of the blue a phone call, the husband said he had decided to put their minds to rest and get tested,his test was positive,as was his wifes,same feelings as ours when we found out.So the question..and it really cannot be answered with any certainty, who gave it to who? We never had hsv1 in the typical place, on our mouths or face, never had any sort of indication of Herpes in the genital region...until we played with this other couple , they on the other hand had many oral break outs of Herpes(hsv1) and actually he could remember an evening we played where he had the burning/buzzing feeling of a coming cold sore on his lip which would indicate he was shedding the virus at that time.The time of that fits the diagnosis timeline...we just cant say for sure if thats when it occured.We remain playmates today, have worked through the whole thing and have come to realize there is no use in fretting or trying to place blame...in this lifestyle we all assume risks...but they can be reduced with knowledge of how these viruses and other bugs work.Be smart read up, get educated we always recommend lifestylers read "Good Virus bad Virus" These are some very basic facts regarding Herpes easily found on medical sites online ....

Up to 60 percent of people with GENITAL Herpes have no idea they carry the virus.

1 in 5 people have genital Herpes

80 % or more of the adult population has oral hsv1 , which can be easily spread to the genitals during oral sex causing genital hsv1

Herpes can be spread through skin to skin contact when there is no visible sign of an outbreak, this is through the shedding process.

Condoms are of little help in preventing herpes since it occurs in other areas around the genitals and spreads through skin to skin contact.

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partyinthewoods, thats it exactly! Ask specifically to be tested for HSV 1 and 2. Let them know, you dont have symptoms but you still want to be tested for it.

New Castle DE
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So when i ask my obgyn to test for everything they might not be testing for this? What is it i need to be tested for exactly and is there any others that i might need to ask for that they might be missing? Just want to make sure? Thanks for all the information.

Brooklyn KY
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This is by far probably the most dreadful risk of swinging. I continue to test herpes free and have never had warts and am thankful but understand it's probably a matter of time before I get nailed with something. It's just the nature of the beast and rubbers provide limited protection against viral STDs. I hope all infected here at least have the decency to take their meds consistently and refrain for the periods where they think they're in a shedding bullshit phase. From what I've read if someone your fucking takes medication and doesn't fuck around while s/he's having an outbreak, you're pretty unlikely to contract. Warts are another matter.

Saint Clair Shores MI
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I know of ppl in this area, and seen ppl in other states with the bumps, blisters, or sores on their face. Even was saved in the nick of time before playing with this woman that claimed it was a boil. Boil or not.... anyone ever say those 3 words together???

Anyways, the point is, I saw it, and sure, may have been one. But, why not have this discussion before you go downstairs to go inside. She was upset that I said no, but her problem. Men can say "naw, no thanks" as well.

The whiff test, the visual, and not total darkness. Thats another thing. If ppl are more frightened of light than a gremlin, something COULD be rotten in Denmark/Swingmark. We are given one penis, and one penis for a reason.... two hands, feets, ears, eyes, lips, kidneys, nuts, .... but only one penis.

Milwaukee WI
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Nice to see much interest in this... We feel it's important for those that want to be as informed as possible about H risk

Indianapolis IN
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Sun and Sky,

It’s a tough decision and it’s good that you’re giving it serious thought at this stage – not after the fact. There’s no reason to rush into anything.

Unfortunately, some people hide things. As a bi guy I get lots of mail from ‘straight’ guys who want to play with a guy. All too often, these guys are hiding their bi-proclivities from their wives too – that’s a shame.

In an odd way, having herpes and playing only with others that acknowledge their herpes has an advantage, i.e., you have good reason to believe that the people you’re playing with are honest.

We have met some truly wonderful people and only a few ‘stinkers’.

San Antonio TX
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Jogeo, Thanks for your reply to our post. The only one so far! Your candor is much appreciated and confirmed much of what we already assumed. I would imagine that most people who are active in the LS probably DO have HSV and I am glad to see that at least some are open and honest about their status before playing. I would bet that most do not discuss it. Gives us much pause.

Birmingham MI
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Hi SunAndSky,

Protecting yourselves against herpes is very difficult. Condoms aren’t much protection against HSV as it can be transmitted by skin to skin contact.

As someone with herpes I never play (except with myself) when I have an outbreak (1-2 times a year). That’s when transmission of the virus is most likely. However, ‘shedding’ of the HSV virus can occur several days before an outbreak. During this time, there may be no noticeable symptoms (sorry if I’m telling you stuff you already know).

Do most swingers have herpes? That’s a good question. I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. I have heard a herpes researcher say that most sexually active (non-monogamous) women over 50 carry the virus.

Still, we swing. But the way we swing probably wouldn’t be very satisfying to most. First, we only play with others that acknowledge their herpes – that’s a very small fraction of those that actually have it. Second, we mostly confine ourselves to soft-soft swinging.

I hope this doesn’t seem too discouraging. We’ve found swinging to be very worthwhile in many ways, and we’re glad we decided to do it. Still, it’s best to proceed with your eyes wide open – you owe it to each other.

Good luck.

San Antonio TX
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We are just getting started in the LS and have yet to engage in any kind of play, but this is a big concern for us (mainly for me, the "she" in this duo). We are both HSV-free and would like to stay that way for many reasons...not the least of which is that we may not be done having kids. We both work in healthcare and know the risks of transmission of both types of HSV.

I am thinking that one of our rules is going to be using protection for oral (condom or dental dam) but I get the impression that most folks in the LS don't do this. Will we have a hard time finding people who want to play if this is our rule?

Birmingham MI
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Sexy - that is an excellent post!

From one pair of herpsters to another.

G&J

ps - we have no idea how we got ours

San Antonio TX
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TOPIC: We have Herpes and heres how it happened!