And here I thought only DandJ was confusing me here & there on this thread. It seems the problem is not all of us have this type of sense that most state here, that after just spending just a short amount of time with someone they can tell they are safe. Seems strange to me but then again I must just have the basic senses. (and common sense

"Since you don't watch your wife 24/7, she can't be 100% safe..."

Who says?

People that aren't watched are more likely to cheat? Are you in a relationship without trust, self respect for oneself and spouse? Where does cheating factor into this recently fear themed thread. Cheating was never my contention of fear based assumptions within our relationship. Fear or lack thereof was based on the precept that we both know one anothers thoughts, actions and have no worries of what the other does in day to day tasks regarding our relationship. The fear part of my post a ways down was regarding the unknown aspects of swinging.

"You're wrong on that. While I might be okay, I'm not as safe if I had sex with a barebacker vs. my spouse."

But you feel that it is safe to have unprotected sex with your spouse, correct?

So, from my point of view, should I trust you and also feel that it is ok for me to have unprotected sex with your spouse (assuming he and I were into that)? :)

Let me pose the question this way:

Lets assume there is a couple out there who fit all your criteria and they are scientifically guaranteed not to have STDs. Should they be ok having unprotected sex with you and your spouse since the two of you are ok with it?

"How do you know that she's his wife?"

I don't. I just got tired of calling her "woman" and spouse is hard to type. :)

"Wayne...I don't watch/control her 24/7, she's not my pet. Are you asking that I should have a sense of fear of/from her with your question of "why I don't fear her?" The point I am trying to make is that everyone has a risk threshold. Some people are willing to take more risk than others. You've made a judgement call concerning your wife. Since you don't watch her 24/7, she can't be 100% safe, but you are willing to take the risk with your wife. It is certainly a reasonable risk. Looking at this logically, all the people that have unprotected sex with their spouses should be able to get together and have unprotected sex with each other. You're all stating that your spouses are safe. I met my wife online. After spending an hour with her having coffee on our first date I was confident she was safe. This is simply a matter of personal preference and an individuals threshold of risk. No reason for either side to bash the other.

Wayne...I don't watch/control her 24/7, she's not my pet. Are you asking that I should have a sense of fear of/from her with your question of "why I don't fear her? My point in the opinion regarding nothing to fear within our relationship was that everything that we do in our decisions together are a basis of our interactions with one another. So, no reasons for fear really...don't see where it comes into play outside of an accident/ major catastrophe hitting us. Yet, outside of that, within this lifestyle, are an added measure to contend with and with that added measure, unknowns now exist and must be taken into consideration. And within those considerations of adding an extra person/persons into our life, we open ourselves up to something that could/can happen with a negative effect. So, hence the trepidation of a measure of fear. Reasonable. No?

"Within the sanctuary and security of my relationship with my woman I fear nothing, but opening ourselves up to outside elements within this lifestyle, I fear everything from the possibility of the unknown."

Why don't you have fear with your "woman"? Do you watch her 24/7? Why is she a known and everyone else unknown?

DandJforplay...what does eroticism and sexuality not have to do with fear in this lifestyle. Within the sanctuary and security of my relationship with my woman I fear nothing, but opening ourselves up to outside elements within this lifestyle, I fear everything from the possibility of the unknown. I do everything that is within my capabilities to provide a safe and secure environment in which to play, once doing so and perceive everything to be safe and sound, do I then let my guard down to enjoy an erotic and sexual experience. The results of not using a condom and leaving things to a greater chance of being exposed to something/anything is not only a fear that I can live with, but an attitude that I also expect of our sexual counterparts under consideration for play. What's wrong with creating the safest environment possible so YOU can feel safe enough to relax and really enjoy yourself with someone outside of your relationship/marriage? I don't let fear control my life, but use it as a tool to help shape my decisions in life...and sexual decisions should not be excluded because it might lessen my experience. I am in no way calling you a fool, but to not take a measure of fear into consideration within this lifestyle is foolish.

Oh, if they get to old age without getting anything, that is because they never got a red marble out of the bucket:)

Well 'M' I do not really remember if DandJ ever said anything about screening, I think he mention he plays with only a small group of friends but who really knows only himself.
I appreciate FunLoversMP being forthright & honest even though I do not agree with her, I wonder in the heat of the moments and dim lighting at those clubs and parties does she even get a good look at them at all ??