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How to overcome STD fear : Swingers Discussion 2033671018
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TOPIC: How to overcome STD fear
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I would worry if people WEREN'T worried about getting an STD. I contracted herpes 22 years ago. My husband has never gotten it and we've been together 20 years. There's always some risk in this lifestyle and not just with STD's. Do everything you can to protect yourself and relax and enjoy! I've had herpes for so long, I sometimes forget I have it. I put in my profile though because I believe everyone should be open about all aspects of their sexuality.

Oconomowoc WI
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Not nearly as bad as the media portrays and what does she want to get into?

Woodridge IL
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Not sure about that now but 22 years ago there were 2, 21 year old virgins.

Harker Heights TX
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Texas has virgins over 16 or 18 yrs old?

Milwaukee WI
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Thats hard to overcome. Im a diagnosed hypochondriac. I stub my toe and I swear its terminal cancer.

At one point I would get std tested so often that my doctor finally put a restriction on how often she would do it.

Finally, I just got it together mentally. I did enough research that calmed my mind.

First, try to qualify your partners the best you can. Certainly not foolproof, but we try to connect with people who are less active, and newer than others . Obviously condoms.

Most stds in reality are not a big deal. Theyre curable, you get some medicine and its done.

Then you have a couple biggies. Herpes. Well, its not deadly. Condoms only offer some protection. But again. Its not the end of the world. Nobody wants it, but its controllable, and youre not going to die from it.

HIV. Now thats one that I have spent probably a combined year of my life reading about. Especially since I engage in a little mm play.

While I take precautions and dont want ANY std. Thats the one that terrifies me.

But I have read. Ive talked with doctors. Ive talked with the counselors at testing clinics and Im comfortable that the activity I engage in is not risky.

Sexually HIV is transmitted by unprotected vaginal or anal sex. I dont engage in either one of those. My wife has protected vaginal sex with men, and in case of condom breakage usually prefers they "finish" somewhere else also.

When it comes to oral sex. Its considered "theoretically possible" Meaning in theory if the conditions were right, and you had open cuts in your mouth, and it came into contact with fluid, it "could" happen.

But from my research oral sex is extremely low or no risk. There is debate if there has actually been reported transmissions from oral sex. Tons of studies have been done and it still has not been proven.

So at this point Im still cautious, but no longer paranoid. In the past, we would play with someone, and Id be worked up for a long time. Id get a cold and swear it was something.

But now Im more comfortable. Yes, swinging exposes you to more potential risk than a solo relationship obviously. But I no longer look at it as being in the middle of a warzone.

Mount Juliet TN
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Spend the coin. Get tested. Go have some soft play. Talk to your partners frankly and openly. Get tested again.

You won't ever feel 100%. But you need to prove to yourself that you can be safe, and in control of your risks.

And be brutally honest with yourself...if you can't appreciate your successful, small steps...you need to stop. Period. You'll never trust your play partners and, worse, you could start distrusting your SO.

Bad bad things, man. Slippery slope of doom, distrust.

Roswell GA
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The easiest way is to be involved in a 100% monogamous relationship. That seems to be the boring answer though. At some point, a couple interested in the lifestyle determines that an amount of risk is worth the potential for fun to be had. It's up to the couple to determine how much risk is acceptable. The range starts at soft swing with no cross interraction other than looking (very low risk) to bareback full swap (comparably high risk). Talk to your partner and determine how far you're willing to go and what level of risk is acceptable.

Toledo OH
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Well, ultimately your level of risk acceptence is yours alone. You know there are bugs out there. Being educated does help, and unless you're really messing with the wrong crowd your odds of contracting something are pretty low, but they are not the 0% you are currently enjoying.

Dallas TX
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Thanks for the honest info. Both of us being virigins when we got married 22 years ago have been happily tucked away from thinking about these things. Heck the late 80's was a time of panic about VD and aids. So this will be the hardest thing to overcome if we do. That said all this fun and fantasy is very titillating

Harker Heights TX
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Jgatz- I'm not sure what you've heard in the media, but STDs are unfortunately a risk with recreational sex and the swinging lifestyle. That said, I view swinging as like skydiving or rock climbing-- there's no question that there are risks, but the thrill is worth it for us. We do reduce the risk by always using condoms with play partners and only choosing partners who also follow "safer sex" guidelines. It's important to realize that even with condoms, it is possible to contract STDs.

I think your best source of information is your health care provider, who will most likely recommend condoms and regular STD testing. You don't have to go into detail about "swinging," just tell your Doctor that you occasionally have sex outside your marriage. Testing is recommended because STDs may be more easily treated/managed when caught early and it's possible to have (and be able to spread) an STD even when there are no symptoms.

A study in Europe showed that 16% of women who identified themselves as swingers had an STI. It is also a fact that a man who was HIV positive had sex with several women at swinger's clubs and parties without telling them of his HIV status (it took a unique set of circumstances for this case to be made public). A Playboy Playmate (not a 'swinger' but admitted to trying 'group sex' and did not always use condoms) was surprised to learn that she was HIV positive. I believe these facts warrant caution, but the good news is that several studies involving sex workers and partners where one is HIV positive verify the efficacy of condoms in reducing disease transmission.

STIs like HPV and genital herpes are very common. Condoms reduce the risk but, being realistic, we know that we could get them. Genital herpes is not life threatening-- it's more of an inconvenience. HPV increases the risk of certain cancers. Syphilis and gonorrhea are treatable but left untreated could have very serious health consequences. If we tested positive for any STI, we would notify our play partners. I'm not sure how many swingers would do the same.

I have seen many different levels of risk tolerance in the swinging lifestyle. Some people always play bare and I saw at a club a woman having sex with many men, none wearing condoms. There are also people who do not swap and enjoy watching and being watched. One couple (with one of the hottest women I have ever seen) requires seeing the results of a recent STD test for play partners. I believe swingers should get the facts, advice from credible sources (like your health care provider) and decide what type of lifestyle activities you would feel comfortable participating in.

Jgatz- I hope this helps. As I said, despite the risks we have enjoyed all of our lifestyle experiences and look forward to more.

Gibsonia PA
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TOPIC: How to overcome STD fear