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TOPIC: How to overcome STD fear
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I never plan or want to get over the fear of STD's !

Spring TX
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Peter - I looked at your profile and read your certs. It seems like you are the kind of Single Male that has been successful and appreciated. I hope that you don't allow what happened with your former friend to take away something you have enjoyed. Of course, only you can decide how safe and comfortable you feel at this point. Vigilant condom use on your part will diminish the likelihood that you contract an STI but nothing is absolute. You have to assess the risk and determine what what works for you.

Pittsburgh PA
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peter4, welcome to the forums.

There's no question that unprotected sex is riskier than sex with a condom. When some people say they're "clean" they may mean that they shower and wear cologne. The only way to tell if they do not have an STI is if they are tested, and, of course, that was uncertain in the situation you described.

There was a case of a man who had sex with several women at swinger parties after he found out that he had HIV. There have been several court cases where someone sued a lover because they gave them an STI and did not tell them prior to sex that they were infected. I posted previously about a man who was informed by his doctor that he had an STI and the man did not want to bring his wife in for testing because she would then find out that he was having an affair.

Peter, you and your FWB should discuss boundaries and come to an agreement or some sort of compromise. I think it is very foolish for her to believe that someone she just met is being truthful. It would also be wise for both of you to discuss with your physicians that you are sexually active and occasionally have sex with people you don't know very well. Your doctor will likely recommend that you always use condoms and get regular testing. Testing is important because STIs can be asymptomatic. Most STIs are treatable, but if they are left untreated serious health consequences may result. STIs that have no cure (HIV, herpes) are more manageable when caught early.

My wife and I always use condoms with play partners and we try our best to find others who also take this precaution. We also get tested regularly through our doctor (which is covered by our insurance). We realize that there are risks, even with condom use, and we accept these risks together.

Reading the "safe sex" threads there are many misconceptions regarding STIs. You can get good, credible information from your physician and also from the CDC's website.

Gibsonia PA
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Not everyone's definition of clean is the same unfortunately. Always practice safe sex and if you play with someone who doesn't, you should get tested. As discussed in previous postings, STD panels don't always include herpes testing. I work in a lab and I will confirm that. I still remember what I learned in health class back in high school: "When you sleep with someone, you are also sleeping with everyone they've ever been with." Nothing is 100% foolproof at preventing the transmission of STDs, except celibacy. Do your best to stay safe, but in the end, assume that you eventually will pick up something.

Oconomowoc WI
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I've been thinking more about this lately. People know that smoking causes cancer and many other health problems, but..they still smoke. People still get into their car to drive after a night of partying knowing the dangers of doing so. The point is most people partake in some type of "risky" behavior. We are all adults capable of making intelligent, informed decisions. To live your life in fear of what MIGHT happen is no way to live. There are no guarantees in life. I'm not saying we should all run around and be reckless, but relax and stop worrying. Educate yourself and make intelligent decisions.

Oconomowoc WI
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I hope I never overcome STD fear.

Dallas TX
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MC, it's good to see an honest person out here. I see ppl with visible mouth and face sores at parties. An employee at a local club said he saw a guy trying to play with "a pimple" on his johnson. Ppl are still going to bareback with complete strangers though.

Milwaukee WI
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I would worry if people WEREN'T worried about getting an STD. I contracted herpes 22 years ago. My husband has never gotten it and we've been together 20 years. There's always some risk in this lifestyle and not just with STD's. Do everything you can to protect yourself and relax and enjoy! I've had herpes for so long, I sometimes forget I have it. I put in my profile though because I believe everyone should be open about all aspects of their sexuality.

Oconomowoc WI
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Not nearly as bad as the media portrays and what does she want to get into?

Woodridge IL
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Not sure about that now but 22 years ago there were 2, 21 year old virgins.

Harker Heights TX
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(70 posts)
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TOPIC: How to overcome STD fear