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Herpes - When to Tell : Swingers Discussion 875671011
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TOPIC: Herpes - When to Tell
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It seems amazing to me that everyone misses the point here: the infected are the majority and the uninfected the minority. Normal is infected, unusual is uninfected. HSV and HPV are common, normal viruses. Thus the disclosure should be only if you know you aren't infected. If you're having an outbreak at the moment, by all means do tell potential partners.

Please be honest if don't get that swingers average more partners than non-swingers. What is the average number of partners for non-swingers? Less than five? I've had more than that without counting swinging.

Enosburg Falls VT
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Exactly. And also, from an earlier post, why assume that swingers have more partners? Some are picky, and don't have sex with everyone they meet:)

Quakertown PA
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I would expect to be told from jump. This gives me control over my own body and I have the decision whether or not to move forward. My friend who lives with herpes is like that. She has come to know an outbreak very quickly but still tells her partner before having sex with them, whether or not she is having an outbreak. To me that is only fair.


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I prefer it to be upfront in our email or chat that it is disclosed. Cause I am cajun,, give me a unknown "gift' and you gonna get one in return! ROFL. I have regular testing and I know I am CLEAN of it and gonna stay that way.

Spring TX
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When you begin your communications. The point is to assume you and your play partners have herpes and/or HPV. Because 6 out of 10 in the general population does. Since swingers have more sex partners and because condoms are less effective for herpes or HPV than for HIV, we in the swinging field are more likely than the general population to be so blessed.

Most of us have experienced chicken pox or colds. Herpes and HPV join the ranks of viruses that are the norm in humans. Not having been tested is no excuse for assuming you are not infected. Nor is a previous test.

Enosburg Falls VT
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A reminder, studies have shown and the CDC website says that most (58%) people have either HSV-1 or 2. That's regular people. Swingers likely have a much higher percentage. So you probably have it and most swingers you play with have it. There's no need to post in your profile that you have it, because that's the norm and the exception is to not have it.

When it comes time to meet you can discuss it with potential play partners, but always assume they have it. If you have active sores, don't play, wait for another day.

Enosburg Falls VT
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Gifted is one way to put it.

I do not have much to say about anything else other than it's nice that you NOW inform all couples.

Littleton CO
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Our experience:

We're quite new.

He has herpes, she does not.

We're interested in very light swinging. At first, we thought it was 'soft swinging'.

Then, we met some nice folks here on SLS who explained that what we were interested in wasn't called soft swinging - it was called watching and being watched.

Fine. We're also interested in some light touching, but no oral or kissing.

Because that's all we're looking for, we thought it wasn't necessary to disclose the fact that he is gifted.

We had our first experience a few weeks ago and it was great. However, the degree of contact between us and them was more than we had expected.

So, after we got home and discussed it, we decided we had to tell the other couple amount his herpes.

The other couple was quite gracious about it, but we haven't played since. No problem there, we have to respect their choice.

Now we immediately (before meeting) tell couples that contact us that he has have herpes.

As an experiment, we put up a new profile (BCSan) that is almost identical to our original (Jogeo) profile - but in the new profile we stated that he has herpes.

Although both profiles get about the same number of 'views', no one has contacted us through the "BCSan" profile. On the other hand, we've been contacted quite a few times through our "Jogeo" profile. So, we've come to the conclusion that it's better not to have, than to have, herpes (we are quite brilliant).

We still hope to form some long-term, sexy, friendly, erotic, fun, hot, perverted, respectful, raucous, safe, interesting, steamy, and satisfying relationships with other couples. Having herpes makes it more difficult. Being dishonest about having herpes would make it impossible.

San Antonio TX
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"If you've been with someone who has Herpes, but have no symptoms is there a test to make 100% sure that you don't have it? If you don't get symptoms after a long while since the last interaction, say 3 months - is it pretty safe to say you're ok?"

errr no. The chances are that you already have it, symptoms or no. It's just that way. Also if you test positive, there is NO WAY of telling who you got it from. You could have had it for years. Yes, in theory you could check both viruses and compare the genetic material. That would tell you for sure if it came from that person or not...but it really doesn't matter.

Here's the rub. You play. You pay. I merely suggest that you consider that everyone has it and play as safe as possibly. Certainly watch their faces for cold sores BEFORE they go down you on.

When playing in a tropical (high sunlight) location watch especially for oral cold sores. Sunlight activates them. They go down on you..and bingo you get the prize. This includes going to the beach.

The longer you play the more likely you are to pick it up...symptoms or no. That's why I don't even suggest testing. Always play like you can get and give something. The only exception are folks who have has symptoms. I suggest using a viral blocker like Valtrex to significantly decrease the chances of passing it. Acyclovir is a much less expensive alternative.

I also suggest you do not list it in your profile. Why??? Because anyone who certs you or who you are known to hang with will be tainted by default. I always have safer sex discussions after I'm interested in the folks. Until then your private health information is no one's business. Just my take.

Mischief watches folks faces.. ;) and uses Purell to keep hands clean

Glen Burnie MD
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Another question...

If you've been with someone who has Herpes, but have no symptoms is there a test to make 100% sure that you don't have it? If you don't get symptoms after a long while since the last interaction, say 3 months - is it pretty safe to say you're ok?

Deer Park NY
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TOPIC: Herpes - When to Tell