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polyamory vrs swinging? : Swingers Discussion 239922
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsPolyamorypolyamory vrs swinging?
TOPIC: polyamory vrs swinging
Created by: billnsuzie
Original Starting post for this thread:
long time swinging friends are called friends and longtime poly are lovers???

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Just a few years ago we went to a Poly weekend retreat in Rohobeth Beach. It was explained to us that in a polygamous world, you can have a primary partner, usually your spouse. Secondary partner (s) are special lovers usually where there is some kind of emotional connection. Casual partners are like people who may not live close and you see them occasionally and then there are the one time lovers where you may not even know their name. When I spoke up and said that this describes our particular way of swinging, they quickly told me that poly was NOT swinging because swingers don't care about their partners. Bullshit

Greencastle PA
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The lines blur. We consider ourselves to be poly, though it's just the two of us here. We do have a rather deep love for many of our friends, some we have sex with, some we don't. It would seem that in our case, the only difference between swinging and poly is co habitation. And that seems to be the threshold. We have friends that we are in love with enough to be considered poly, but to live with 24/7, and deal with each others quirks fulltime, that's where it could get iffy.

Osterburg PA
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I do identify myself as Poly and a member of the LS; I tend to not like the label "swinger" as I don't feel it describes me accurately. I have to agree with JnD - for poly and LS interactions, there is a hugely broad spectrum of how it can be defined. In my own opinion, the underlying difference between Poly & LS is the level of emotional intimacy involved. With that said, I have find that there is so much overlap between these two groups that until you find people at the opposite extremes of each lifestyle, it's hard to tell them apart. A couple I was in a Poly triad with for a couple of years introduced me to this website.

How a person/couple chooses to "do" Poly or "play" in the LS is defines by them and for them; not to fit into anyone else's idea how of each word is defined in a dictionary. I think that once we starting thinking outside society's box enough to start living *any* alternative lifestyle (of which Poly, LS, BDSM, PE's etc are all a part of) we should be open-minded enough to realize that we are defining our lives to suit the individuals we are and letting others ideas have less influence on how we perceive and define ourselves.

I have found that in any culture of people that I am involved with there are always those who feel that they have the "only" or "right" way of doing things. Again, I can only share what I've found to be true in my own life but the only right way to do anything here, or in the rest of your life, is to do what feels right for you/your SO and then doing it with honesty and integrity.

S Pasadena FL
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Given, I have very limited access to poly. I am poly leaning, my husband is not. So I can only go by the people I know and what I have been told...and you know how it goes. One tells a story in their favor lol. For me and myself as being poly, I would not mix my poly relationships with swinging. Same w/ bdsm, I would never cross it with swinging. But to me, in my mind because of my experiences, I do not hold swinging highly.


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Lost; I'm curious to hear how you account for swingers who are also in a poly relationship, as well as Poly couples who also swing. It has been our experience that exclusivity and monogamy are no more requisites in the Poly lifestyle than in the Vanilla lifestyle. Not that I'm disagreeing with your take on Poly...just curious about your view.


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Polys are different from swingers. Swingers are about recreational fun and not permanent. Some are, but they are not poly. Polys look for controlled "monogamy" with more than 1 partner. It is definately more permanent. Some polys live as a triad in a home together, have children within the triad, and are a family. As far as their title, I have known a few. The one lady I am close to refers to both men as her husbands. One is her legal husband, the other of course is not since that would be bigamy... but they had a ceremony declaring the fact that the 2nd husband was entering their family.


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JnD that's exactly what I was trying to say earlier but maybe I did not do such a good job of it

Greencastle PA
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It has been our experience that Poly relationships involve a much more intimate emotional connection than your typical swinging relationship. Whereas most swingers avoid any possibility of 'falling in love' with a non-spousal partner, Poly relationships result from accepting and incorporating that connection. Otherwise, not much difference. :-)


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I understand the loving emotional relationship concept of the poly doctrine, we were in a 4sum relationship like that for over a year. The complexities of such a relationship are hard to juggle if the 4 are not just right for each other and our situation ended badly. I am sure other people make it work. That's really not the part of polyamory I am questioning.

Comparing polyamory to swinging, I don't see the difference between taking am occasional lover for recreational sex and swinging. Only thing I got out of the poly seminar was you call them lovers, Swingers call them play partners.

Greencastle PA
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LOL...they're called whatever trips your wire. In theory, 'swinging' revolves around consensual non-marital sexual activity with the full knowledge and consent of the spouse/SO. 'Polyamory' centers on being in a loving emotional relationship with someone other than the spouse/SO. We can all agree that love and sex are not synonyms. Having said that, most people enjoy some form of emotional connection ('chemistry') before engaging in sexual activity. So it's safe to say that most, but not all, fall somewhere between the extremes. Of course, there are swingers who insist on no emotional connection at all as well as Poly people who are strictly monogamous within their relationships.

We have been swinging for many years and have made some great friends. We have also been involved in a Poly relationship with another LS couple for many years and we love each other dearly. Swinging and Poly are simply different ends of the same rainbow in our experience.


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TOPIC: polyamory vrs swinging