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TOPIC: Welcome to the all new Polyamory Forum
Created by: SLSQuality
Original Starting post for this thread:

There have been a number of requests for this addition from members.

Enjoy.

SwingLifeStyle Team

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Hello again Poly Peeps-

First of all, my thanks to She Plays for the kind words and what I believe to be a fine understanding of what the discussions should be ... but all too often aren't.

Then I wanted to suggest that all who have been involved in this discussion of what (we think) poly is, or ain't, drop down a couple of threads below this one to one called "What do you mean by poly?" There you'll find some very interesting thoughts and descriptions by folks who actually practice the lifestyle, or have in the past. It'll be interesting to see how their views compare with your own; or at least I found them to be so.

Actually, I found the thread just after I'd posted here the other day, but haven't had time to get back in here and pass along the info. May you all be blessed by the god of your choice.

Boerne TX
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SlypSlydr ... I meant to respond to two other things:

You said, "I also feel that a part of the poly attitude is much like that felt by vanilla couples toward swingers, i.e., what we have is sacred, and what you do cheapens it." IMHO, not only could I not have described what I've seen better, I doubt anyone could. That captures the attitude exactly.

Finally, and more generally, I completely agree with your posture as to discussion and debate, and I use the term "we" in the following comment as pertaining to you, I, and the rest of us who participate in discussion.

When it comes to discussion and debate, to the extent that we agree, neither of us, nor anyone else reading our thoughts, "grows." Likewise, o the extent that we disagree, and the conversation devolves to base, ad hominem, hatefulness, nobody benefits at all. It is a total waste of time, words, and energy.

On the other hand, when we disagree, and discuss our perspectives like reasonably articulate adults, this may serve to adjust each other's position, and help third parties formulate their own ... to me, that's useful and worthwhile, even if they conclude that they completely disagree with both of us.

Anyway, agree or disagree, I do enjoy the tenor and tone in which you express yourself.

Caryville TN
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Slypsldr ...

Since your explanation differs so dramatically from my own memory regarding the nouveaux aspect of the term, I researched it.

According to Wiki ... "The word polyamory came to prominence in an article by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, "A Bouquet of Lovers", published the same year in Green Egg Magazine, where it appeared as "poly-amory".[8] In May 1992, Jennifer L. Wesp created the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory,[9] and the Oxford English Dictionary cites the proposal to create that group as the first verified appearance of the word.[8] The words "polyamory, -ous, and -ist" were added to the OED in 2006.[10] In 1999, Zell-Ravenheart was asked by the editor of the OED to provide a definition of the term, and had provided it as The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved."

I'm not contesting your representation that the word was used in the 60's and 70's, as I have no idea who may have used what word when but, insofar as the Oxford English Dictionary is concerned, it is most definitely a nouveaux term.

As for the meaning of the term, I'll fall back on their definition for support of my position as well. While terms may have many meanings to those who use them, the fact that my meaning comports with those accepted by Wiki and the OED would seem to support the contention that I am not "wrong."

Finally (and I apologize for being unable to recall who made the comment), I'm glad you like my choice of words. I believe myself to be pure living proof that the terms, "promiscuous" and "articulate" are not mutually exclusive! If someone were to try to make my professional academic associates believe that I am involved in some of the activities I enjoy, I suspect that they would find it pretty much impossible, even if they had it on video tape! LOL

In any event, semantics aside, to me, the "polyamory" concept represents a potential complication to be avoided. The terms, "Polyamory" and "NSA" are most definitely mutually exclusive. I have a wonderfully happy and satisfying loving relationship with my husband ... one is all I can stand!

Caryville TN
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Hello She Plays... Thank you for taking the time and effort to post a reply that thoroughly describes your thoughts and feelings, and your reasons for sharing them. Far too many posters seem to have spent too much time in the tiny screens of their cell phones, texting and receiving brief and garbled messages that ultimately do little to serve any good purpose.

So much for the rant. Now to the message.

It seems that you've gotten some bad information somewhere, and it's given you a mistaken impression of what polyamory is truly about, and how it differs from swinging.

Firstly, polyamory is not at all "noveau," and has been around under one label or another since at least the last century, and was quite popular in the U.S. in the '60s and '70s.

It is much more like polygamy than swinging, in that polyamorous folks are quite committed to each other but, generally speaking, don't have the annoying compulsion to get married - although many do, and practice a kind of marital fidelity with each other. It's the emotional connection and sense of commitment that differentiates poly folks from swingers.

This connection and commitment originates and grows, often prior to sex, just like in standard couples, rather than the way you described it, which sounded like the sort of "Oh s/he fucked me. We must be in love," concept of adolescents.

I've also noted the antipathy running both ways between swingers and polys, and I feel part of it is what is unfortunately the natural propensity of humans to distrust that which is "other." I also feel that a part of the poly attitude is much like that felt by vanilla couples toward swingers, i.e., what we have is sacred, and what you do cheapens it. Swingers, naturally, resent and react to this, as we have seen here on this site.

Once again, we are confronted with what happens when we can't stop, take a deep breath, and then remember to embrace the divine doctrine of different strokes for different folks. If we here weren't different - or at least perceiving ourselves as such - we wouldn't be on this site. The scary thing that we must all remember is that there are a lot of folks out there who would feel perfectly justified in having us all burned at the stake for what we practice and promote - and they vote. So no matter how ludicrous our choices may be, you can not afford to sit out this or any other election. You do so at your peril.

Boerne TX
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Hello She Plays... Thank you for taking the time and effort to post a reply that thoroughly describes your thoughts and feelings, and your reasons for sharing them. Far too many posters seem to have spent too much time in the tiny screens of their cell phones, texting and receiving brief and garbled messages that ultimately do little to serve any good purpose.

So much for the rant. Now to the message.

It seems that you've gotten some bad information somewhere, and it's given you a mistaken impression of what polyamory is truly about, and how it differs from swinging.

Firstly, polyamory is not at all "noveau," and has been around under one label or another since at least the last century, and was quite popular in the U.S. in the '60s and '70s.

It is much more like polygamy than swinging, in that polyamorous folks are quite committed to each other but, generally speaking, don't have the annoying compulsion to get married - although many do, and practice a kind of marital fidelity with each other. It's the emotional connection and sense of commitment that differentiates poly folks from swingers.

This connection and commitment originates and grows, often prior to sex, just like in standard couples, rather than the way you described it, which sounded like the sort of "Oh s/he fucked me. We must be in love," concept of adolescents.

I've also noted the antipathy running both ways between swingers and polys, and I feel part of it is what is unfortunately the natural propensity of humans to distrust that which is "other." I also feel that a part of the poly attitude is much like that felt by vanilla couples toward swingers, i.e., what we have is sacred, and what you do cheapens it. Swingers, naturally, resent and react to this, as we have seen here on this site.

Once again, we are confronted with what happens when we can't stop, take a deep breath, and then remember to embrace the divine doctrine of different strokes for different folks. If we here weren't different - or at least perceiving ourselves as such - we wouldn't be on this site. The scary thing that we must all remember is that there are a lot of folks out there who would feel perfectly justified in having us all burned at the stake for what we practice and promote - and they vote. So no matter how ludicrous our choices may be, you can not afford to sit out this or any other election. You do so at your peril.

Boerne TX
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I'm not poly, but your use of the word "concomitant" made me develop feelings for you.

Oh - by "feelings" - I mean that I'm now sporting an erection.

Windermere FL
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Insofar as I am concerned, whatever consenting adults want to pursue is just wonderful if it works for them ... so long as they don't try to push their thing on me.

This nouveau polyamory thing strikes me as having a lot of potential for that, since the fundamental concept is having multiple, loving relationships with sex partners outside the monogamous relationship, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. In other words, one loves their other sexual Play Mates, just as they do their spouse.

I've only met a few couples that identified themselves as polyamorous, but I got the distinct impression that they considered themselves to be "superior" for like of a better word, or perhaps "engaged on a higher level," than the rest of us who just pursue totally NSA recreational sex.

What happens though when a "polyamorous" husband engages in Play Time with someone like me? Does he have some sort of right to develop loving, emotional feelings for me ... do I have a concomitant obligation to be responsive to those feelings? Although they haven't actually called themselves polyamorous (it is a fairly new term), we have run into that situation several times over the years ... an NSA Play Mate that starts professing to be developing emotional feelings for me ... POOF, I'm done with that one.

This particular potential issue is unlike most other LS issues in that it cannot be minimized, or neutralized, by being upfront about it at the outset. By that I mean you cannot very well walk into an NSA hook up, and say, "Oh, BTW, if you bang my brains out, I'll be developing loving feelings for you."

Anyway, I suppose the answer for me will continue to be as it has always been ... I don't let that "amorous" thing begin. People can be inclined to develop loving feelings for Play Mates if that suits them, but I'm not having any part of that. I suppose you could say I am mono-amorous.

Caryville TN
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To by Poly do you have to limit it to 1 or 2 people? What if you truly like/love all the ones you fool around/connect with?

Richmond VA
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I'm mostly poly, but I do swing. Hello.

Montclair NJ
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We have been in the lifestyle for 13 years of our 16 years of marriage. I don't know if we qualify as being poly or not. We have had an open marriage as well as swinging together for about the last 8 years. We do want a polyamory relationship with another female once our kids are older and out of the house.

West Springfield PA
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TOPIC: Welcome to the all new Polyamory Forum
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