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New Rhino Species Discovered

September 17, 2012 | ISSUE 45•27 |

Previously undocumented by science but known to locals as the Flaturina, a shy species of Rhino with a hairy face, blond mane, and colossal hemorrhoids was discovered by zoologists in the remote lowland areas of Ybor City, Florida. The locals from nearby Ybor City affectionately named the Rhino Klara.

Ybor city’s ONLY resident, was quite excited at the prospect of placing himself in between Klara's massive thighs to imbibe in the delightful secretions that the female produces when she’s aroused and ready to breed.

AP reporter Helga Massivbutt attempted to interview the resident, who was spotted "Kickin' It With Klara." Ms.Massivbutt was subjected to Klara the rhino's bodily functions which caused Massivbutt to pretty much lose it on-air. Tears began streaming down her face, while she tried to keep her composure but failed. Ms.Massivbutt fainted. She was taken to a near by Ybor City General Hospital, while the city’s only resident remained in distant background, eyes rolled into his head and a bit of drool pooling in his lap.

PETA was alerted and will be in town first thing in the morning.

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TOPIC: Voter Suppression in Ybor City
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