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TOPIC: Thoughtless Rude Little Pig
Created by: joeodd2
Original Starting post for this thread:
No E R I'm not making reference to you.....not yet anyway. I'm talking about what everyone seems to be talking about and playing over and over again. The infamous voice mail left by Alec Baldwin. What does this say about child custody cases in this country? How about child abuse? Has anyone ever been through a messy divorce? And the most important question......when is the ring tone coming out?

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Angel,

Actually I have not changed my perspective....I amplified my position - lol.

Minden NV
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Again, I guess it is how one views things. I had a father who was a strict physical disciplinarian. He believed in using the "old Army belt" when my two sisters or I did certain things wrong (spanking on the butt). However, he never verbally demeaned us. My mother, on occasion, had a nasty tongue and could demean and be accusatory towards us. This did not happen often. Also, she hardly, if ever, used physical correction (I can only remember being smacked by her one time).

As grown ups, I have one sister who has no relationship with either of my parents. My other sister and I think the world of my Dad and appreciate that he never verbally abused us. My mother we love but the relationship is not as close as the one with our Dad. My sister and I agree it is because of her demeaning words, which she still can sprout of today and has attempted to demean our children. However, years ago, all three of us put our foot down on her "correcting" our kids.

For adults the old "sticks and stones" saying should apply. However, as a child words are powerful, HOW those words are used even more powerful, and words coming from your parents have the most power. Positive reinforcement and constructive criticism are needed for anyone, child, teenager or adult. Negative reinforcement or verbally demeaning someone does nothing. It puts adults on the defensive and results in those harsh comments going in one ear and out the other. If the person is a supervisor, manager or leader, they just eliminated themselves, in most workers eyes, as an effective leader. With children words, especially from the primary rolemodel(s) - parent(s), can last a lifetime and have a great impact on whether they become a considerate, well adjusted adult or an inconsiderate selfish one.

The norm is what each individual experienced as a child, so I cannot say what is the norm. I can only state my experiences that where I grew up it appeared most parents did not verbally demean their kids. Many got spanked, grounded or firmly talked to, but I did not see, hear or have friends confide in me that they were verbally abused. Everyone talked and mostly laughed about being spanked but very very few ever spoke about being verbally demeaned. As an adult living across Europe for 11 years and the Middle East for almost 5, I witnessed that most parents seem to talk, in a positive way, with their children. More then what we do as adults with our children here in the U.S. Again, everyone's experiences are different.

Minden NV
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Yeah!!! I totally see Ozzy now! I never watch the tonight's show....but I'll take your word. I used to get Reggie Miller. yeah it's a very Ozzy like pose too. I have the feeling that you may have similar politics as well.....

Arlington TX
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Angel you look like that record executive in California........the one on trial for murder. Maybe it's the hair........but anyway. I grew up in an African American household. When I heard the tape and the "outrage" from it, I just had to laugh. Verbal Abuse hurts, but it can't destroy you unless you let it. I did not have the "perfect" childhood. My parents did not control their anger well when it came to discipline. But I love them anyway because they would give their lives for me. And in the in that's what's important. A child doesn't have to always love their parent, as long as they realize that his or her family is all they have in this world. If you have a parent or two that love you and would die for you, then you don't have to always like them. As long as families love each other more than they hate each other, they can make it through rough times. I have found that it's always a balance. I think too many parents are afraid of being authority figures and want to be best friends with their children. I for one believe in Parent first, friend second.

Arlington TX
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"Sen/Nasty

I don't know what world you live in.. but I was certainly never a part of it LOL (not even as a child) But I'll take your word for it I have no real reason to disbelieve you... But do you think that the norm in most families? (its my opinion that its Not)" ----------------------------------------------------------------- Everyone's life experiences are different. I grew up in an area where for every 1 parent or set of parents that demeaned (yelled) at their children as Baldwin did there were 20 plus that did not. Corrective action - yes. Demeaning children - rare parents.

My adult experiences living in various places around the world demonstrated the same thing. Does that mean it is the norm? Of course not, as we each define what is and is not normal by our own experiences and inner belief system.

I am also a divorcee, having failed at marriage more then once. My son was from my first marriage. I also understand and agree with the frustrations adults go through in divorce and child custody. My first marriage, which my son is from, ended badly. However, I never put him in the middle of our battle. If Baldwin was angry about his lack of seeing his daughter and his ex, Bassinger, constantly canceling or attempting to rearrange his visits, then his comments should of been directed to Bassinger and her answering machine. Their child is NOT a THING to be placed in the middle of this dispute. I went 4 years without seeing my son, because of this same thing. I made that choice to step back and NOT put my son in between the conflict with his mother and I.

Now that he is grown up he compliments me that I sacrificed time with him in order to spare and not expose him to the hatred between his mother and I. He also compliments me that I would never say anything demeaning to him, nor to him about his mother. He cannot say the same thing about his mother concerning things she said about me and he is now bitter towards her concerning the negative comments she claimed about me. He primarily grew up with her, yet his relationship is great with me and my wife but not with his own mother. He attributes much of that to my refusal to place him in the middle of any conflict involving former spouses.

Alec Baldwin is supposed to be part of Hollywood's and the entertainment worlds connection to a more "enlightened" and compassionate world. If that is so, I do not want to be part of the "enlightened" crowd.

Minden NV
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im engaged now again. it defn gives me pause but ah F it, it's only money and grief! LOL

Philadelphia PA
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im sure a divorce/child custody horrors thread would be very "active" in here. i don't have a heart to create it cause those stories are usually o so sad. i am likewise divorced with a child but thankfully my situation is not so bad although the child support payments seem shockingly high. i often say my 5 yr old son could live in a hot condo with a cool car on what i pay but what are ya gonna do.

sorry your situation is not soo good

Philadelphia PA
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Being a man that has been through a nasty divorce/custody situation I can say that as much as I dislike Baldwin i will say i understand his frustrations.

As a man, I can say my ex-wife took everything but advice. She limits teh time i can spend with my son, then bitches that I don't raise him. She left me because I worked to much because she wouldn't work at all. At first I was angry, then i just felt abandoned and I can feel my son slipping away from me. I pretty much only hear from him now when he wants money or when she wants money because she won't get off her ass and earn it.

Have I said things to my son i regret... absolutely. Can I understand what baldwin did yes... is it right NO. The laws in divorce are so skewed toward men it's a wonder any of us bother to get married a second time. I know I wont'.

Lake Worth FL
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Although I agree that this story is being way overplayed and the only victim here is the Baldwin's child, I am in Curious44's camp that I have never spoken to my son the way Baldwin spoke on the answering machine to his child.

Have I got mad - yes. I have instilled discipline in my child - yes. However, I have never verbally demeaned my son and attempted to make him feel less then another human being.

He is now 27 and I could not be more proud of how courteous and respectful he has turned out.

Minden NV
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That little girls should get the rights to the tape, and then market it in every way possible to embarrass her dad. T-shirts, coffee mugs, ring tones.....She's going to catch shit from school anyway, so why not turn the tide and make some money from it. Let em' laugh and laugh with them all the way to the bank.

Arlington TX
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TOPIC: Thoughtless Rude Little Pig