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TOPIC: so_he's_not_really_single_
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April Wayne has posted his experience with cheating. He just is not taking into account how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Sanford NC
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I wonder what a couple (here who says they dont play with cheaters) would do if they found a sexy bi female who was very interested in them but was cheating. I am betting they play with her.

Paramus NJ
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"1. it seems no one who has posted in this thread condones cheaters, male or female. okay."

I would condone them unless they gave me some reason not to. I look at everyone as individuals and automatically give everyone trust and respect until they give me a reason not to and to me, cheating isn't necessarily a reason not to trust/respect someone. They could still be a nice decent human being. It's just sex. What's the difference between a swinger having sex and a cheater having sex? I don't see any difference. Sex is sex.

Gainesville FL
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so here's what we've established.

1. it seems no one who has posted in this thread condones cheaters, male or female. okay.

APRIL, i think that's the best comment i've heard on the subject, and probably the closet to how we approach the issue. we will practice due diligence, ask the right questions, keep our eyes open for the obvious give aways, but beyond that, i'm going trust him/her until they show me they can't be trusted.

AKRON you seem to get what i'm asking as well (and christ, you're killing me with those pics) but many seem to be dancing around the question.

since all i've heard so far is go with your gut feeling or relax over drinks, etc. i think its safe to assume everyone else is basically doing the same things we are. because trust me, a sosciopath or manipulate is thrilled to show up at the bar and find a couple who simply plans to go with their "gut" feeling.

so where does this leave us? it seems to me that we're back to just trusting each other again. 1. trust your guy wasn't the center of an all male gang bang the night before we meet. 2. we trust that u actually use condoms when playing as u say u do. 3. we trust that you're not carrying or spreading an std. 4. we trust that when you invite us into your home, you're not planning to chain us in your basement and eat us for the next 3 months (bad eat, not good eat) 5. and we trust you will show up if we make plans to meet.

so i suppose we'll leave the investigation squad to their business and we'll continue to do our thing.

thanks for the input... you bunch of damn perverts! ;-)

Orlando FL
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One thing that rarely gets addressed when cheaters are discussed is how the rest of the world views things.

To many people, swinging is no different than cheating. They don't make any distinction between the two. We feel that couples who openly tolerate cheaters just add to that problem.

We don't appreciate being tarred with that brush, which is why we always draw a very sharp line.

Just our $0.02.

Columbia MD
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The right or wrong of it does answer your questions. The people who think it is wrong obviously think it is your responsibility and probably also believe you should do whatever possible to make sure someone isn't cheating.

The people who think it is right obviously don't think it is your responsibility and probably also believe you don't need to do anything to make sure someone isn't cheating.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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i see a lot of people voicing opinions concerning the "right" or "wrong" of playing with cheaters. not a problem, appreciate the input, but if you read the original post, you can see that wasn't the original question or the follow up question.

1. is it my responsibility to hold this guy accountable to his s.o. ?

and if you think it is...

2. how far are we to go to ensure that he's being honest ?

if his profile says he's single, and he's specifically said he is single, (because we do ask, regardless of what the profile says) how much further should we go to make sure he's telling the truth?

Orlando FL
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-I am the morality police for myself. I like to sleep at night.

Well said.

Who needs the angst of knowing that you're helping some asshole screw up another person's life?

Columbia MD
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Alienation of Affection laws are still on the books in a handful of states.

Last year, two women in North Carolina won $9,000,000 and $5,800,000 judgments against "the other women" based on that law.

And even if there were no such law on the books, it wouldn't stop some enraged "wronged" spouse from screaming obscenities in front of your house or at your office, proclaiming to the whole world that his/her spouse is cheating on them with you.

Neighbors and bosses tend to take a dim view of that.

Columbia MD
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One of our first MFM encounters was with a very hot young SM who lived in our area. We had a great time together, and pixie and I were looking forward to more visits from our new friend.

Our first playdate with him was on a Tuesday evening. A day or two later we contacted him and asked whether he was free over the weekend that was coming up. His reply: "This weekend is out, I'm getting married on Saturday. But I could come out on Monday evening." He made it clear that his bride-to-be was not aware of his interesting hobby.

That was the end of that.

Lineboro Cpo MD
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TOPIC: so he's not really single
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