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TOPIC: WTF
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Is blame one of the stages of grief ?

Searching for that Why did this happen, this shouldn't have happened its easy to fall into the blame game. Blame could be a person, place or thing really. Anything to make sense out of something that makes no sense what so ever.

Buford GA
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njny: I totally agree with you and I am done here before I am put in the LWS category.

Vero Beach FL
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As someone who has a very close family member with some serious problems, I can tell you that after a while it can become exhausting to be constantly checking on them. I am worried sick about this particular person, but his efforts to make it difficult to check on him, and the result always being the same when we do, makes it so that I have eventually resigned to just sitting back and waiting for something to change. People are often horrified to hear that and think I've just written him off, when this is not the case at all. It's just that worrying about him will accomplish nothing but consume my life, and people can only give that for so long.

Maybe his [RW] standard M.O. is to stay up till 4 am drinking and then sleep till 3 pm? While not happy with it, I can see how after a while she will just stop checking on him when she leaves in the morning. Because the last 2,000 times she did, he was fine.

Land O Lakes FL
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VA i totally get and understand that it could be business as usual for some couples to live like that.

what i find unfathomable is, *knowing* that her spouse, no matter what condition their relationship was in, was suffering from such a deep depression he was under treatment for it, and yet she didn't even check on him to be sure he was okay.

to my mind, and maybe this does make me close minded (personally i think what it makes me is someone who has compassion) -- no matter what was between us, no matter what the "norm" was--these were not normal times for him, and i would have at the very least sent someone to check on him. and maybe she did, and we just don't know that. it is after all, all just speculation.

Manville NJ
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My point is that "No way" for you or me doesn't mean "No way" for others.

This lack of ability to understand (or at least accept) how people live differently is one of the chief complaints swingers have about vanilla people. We are not immune from this mindset either.

And btw I'm not suggesting that they WEREN'T having marriage problems. They might very well have been. I'm saying that this is not a sure-fire indicator of that - it could have been "business as usual".

Land O Lakes FL
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VA: I know we're just kicking it around and I hear what you're saying but no way.

Vero Beach FL
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Think of it this way.....

We are swingers. Our marriages are described by most as "unconventional" at best, and "downright fucked up" at worst. Yet, they work for us, even though many or most people don't understand and know it wouldn't work for them.

For us to sit here and say "no way would I let this happen" is every bit as narrow-sighted as a vanilla person saying "no way would I let my wife fuck another guy". It's not how we live or within a realm we are familiar with, but that doesn't make it ridiculous or impossible. So perhaps we should stop trying to imagine how we in our (comparatively) conventional lives and living situations would behave and impose it on people who in no way live like we do.

Land O Lakes FL
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agree--don't care how big the house (mansion) is. if my S/O was suffering -- no matter what the "norm" was otherwise--i would be checking in to make sure he/she was okay. and i cannot fathom being married to someone and not at the least stopping by on my way out to say bye, see you later, talk to you later, ~whatever~.

just unfathomable IMO to not even check in.

Manville NJ
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I'm just saying it's easy for us to attempt to scrutinize and imagine how we would live if we were like that, when the truth is that none of us have any clue. We might think we do, but I don't think we do.

Land O Lakes FL
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I don't care if I had to walk across a huge mansion, I would be saying goodbye, I often have to leave the house, go over to the barn, through the barn to find him to say goodbye.

Louisville KY
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TOPIC: WTF