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Sorry not interested : Swingers Discussion 40194
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TOPIC: Sorry not interested
Created by: PolyGrl The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Just realized that the topic question was a two parter.

To answer the second part, we've never had to turn someone down face to face, but I (the hubby) have had really awkward situations at parties. She (wifey) has never had a problem.

Don't know how we would react if we had to turn someone down who was right in front of us.

Lexington KY
 
 
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Wyld,

The same thing happened to us, a couple had emailed us and chatted via yahoo messenger. We exchanged a few pics and they turned us down. No big deal. A year later we ran across them and now they are interested in getting together.

To answer the topic question, we've been turned down a few times on this site. Usually they just reply with the defaul message. One couple was just unnecessarily rude about it. When we turn someone down, we try not to be rude. Usually we'll reply with the default message, but sometimes, depending on who wrote us we'll type out our reason.

Lexington KY
 
 
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sweetblond, we used to have the same feelings of discomfort when saying "no" to anyone interested in us. It was so uncomfortable for Mrs. Valovers that on a number of occasions at parties she ended up playing with guys she really didn't want to be with, just because of the difficulty of saying "no" in an inoffensive way.

We've learned. We don't play with couples we aren't BOTH interested in. There's no question that almost never do both of us feel equally attracted to a couple, but that's not the same thing as one of us just not being attracted at all.

At parties, nobody there should expect that just because they are interested in a person that they have a right to play with them. You're lucky if you find 3 or 4 people you would really enjoy playing with, and even luckier if you can hook up with more than one of those during the evening, given the dynamics of a group situation and the fact that you just may not be in the right place at the right time.

The upshot: Be polite about it and as graceful as possible, but leave no question about it if you aren't interested. A simple "no thank you" is all you need to say. Saying anything more than that will either cause hard feelings, get an argument about your reasons, or otherwise make matters worse. Don't even say "maybe later" if what you really mean is "NO!" Don't give someone false hope and a reason to come after you again later in the evening. And don't make some lame excuse about not feeling well, which will either preclude your playing later with someone you DO want to be with or being seen through as a transparent lie, which is also hurtful.

"I'm sorry, not tonight" is a good answer that doesn't preclude your changing your mind some other evening. Mrs. Valovers has occasionally said "I'm sorry, but I've already made more promises than I can probably keep." That worked very well, isn't offensive, and leaves no room for argument.

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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Penny being the one who did the turnin down and the mind changin.

Bedford PA
 
 
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No, when someone turns us down we never ask again. But if someone who turned us down changed their mind, we wouldn't hold that against them. I believe that's the situation Penny is in.

Mike

Bedford PA
 
 
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Penny, if they're really a really nice couple, they'll be flattered that you changed your mind. Mebby you didn't lose out.

Mike

Bedford PA
 
 
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Eye Yeye Yeye!

Mike

Bedford PA
 
 
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Eye think eye am going to be sick!

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
 
 
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Hmmm. Judging from all the new default pics, it appears that "the EYES have it!"

South Riding VA
 
 
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We are like this...no problem with talking to anyone being respectful. Sex and hooking up is on another page when and if we meet;we feel no obligation if there are no sparks there. As adults hearing no shouldn't be a big let down; doesn't mean that they find you horribly unattractive. For us its usually our race..no biggie if they have a problem with it their issue not ours. We don't let it spoil our day.

Montgomery AL
 
 
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TOPIC: Sorry not interested