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Return On Investment : Swingers Discussion 43874
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TOPIC: Return On Investment
Created by: BacchusnLadywife
Original Starting post for this thread:
This is a little segue from a post Poly did some time back about burnout. For the first time in MANY years of swinging, we are considering taking a break, changing from full to soft or any number of variables/ "rule changes" based solely on external forces. In the past we've taken breaks due to major pressure within our "real" life, such as kids, careers, moves.... For the first time we are re-evaluating the lifestyle based on total frustration, worse for me than for Jim. He agrees with me that I am getting the brunt of it though. I am sick of: * liars *erectile disfunction without a sensible approach *drama *women who have no problem getting off on my husband but can't take her's getting off on me *getting stuck with the tab, financially and physically *being physically hurt because someone convinces themselves that's what I want

...and I will add more, but I'm at the point where I question if it's something wrong with me. Or is it that I put more into it than I get and sooner or later you want something back?

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Bacchus and Ladywife- Big, big hugs to you both. Hang in there. We have those moments also. Had to chuckle at your list of reasons, as we have experienced the same. Only one that doesn't bother me is the erectile one. THere are other ways for me to "get off" if that situation arises, or should I say deflate, lol. I am easy to please. Right now we are content in spending time with our little grandbaby and squeezing in an occasional lifestyle event. We are like Central, we restrict that activity to once a month. We have found (for ourselves) that any more than that takes away from the time we have for each other, alone.

Honolulu HI
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AFter a few years of unsuccessful and or bad experiences we decided it was best to have a few minutes of discussion with the couple that we were playing with. I, Carla take a few minutes and ask all the questions needed to make sure all people involved in the playtime have their "ISSUES" verbally discussed before the clothes come off and the "PLAY" starts. I make it very clear "NOW" is the time to let us know likes, dislikes, problems, etc, etc in order to make sure at the end no one is pissed off or no ones feelings are crushed.

Even if during the course of the night I discussed with the other guy and Joe discussed with the other woman what he is looking for and what I expect. BECAUSE.........we have learned that when it is discussed in open with all 4 people some how the rules will change. They will be a little more open and honest when their spouse is listening.

If this communication is offensive to them then they are not for us. We believe communication is the key to prevent bad situations and to make sure the other couple are real and true to each other.

After all this is about having fun and not making enemies....... Just our opinion and way of doing things....................... Carla & Joe

Las Vegas NV
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We've always gotten just as much satisfaction out of soft as we have from full. In fact we reserve full for the few exceptional couples we meet after discussing it with them.

Center Valley PA
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Poly,

We don't use the term "going soft" in a thread like this one! LOL

However, I would suggest that it's very normal to find out that nobody "does it" for you like your husband does. We learned very early on that sex with others is rarely EVER as good as sex right at home with each other. It's fun, it's exciting, but never as good, because we just know each other so well that we know exactly what to do and when. You know each other's "hot buttons" like nobody else ever will.

So we, too, concluded that the allure of swinging is dependent not on the fucking, but on the flirting, seduction, and the "getting there." I guess you could say that we don't swing to fuck; rather we fuck in order to have swung! Does that make sense?

So, for us at least, the excitement of swinging is mostly in the flirting, seduction, and the feeling of validation we get that we haven't "lost it," whatever "it" is.

South Riding VA
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<L blows kisses to L>

Saint Augustine FL
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Sorry that you're struggling with finding compatible folks, L. What a big-time bummer for you. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I imagine that most swinging couples go through spells like this now and again. Too bad you don't live close enough for us to meet over coffee and bitch together. Sending hugs-

L.

Ithaca NY
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<L, planning for central's arrival, thinking when is the next time we're in N Ca to see licks...Annie...well that always goes without saying.

Saint Augustine FL
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BnL, we have seen that a lot. One thing that has worked for us is we only play once a month. The rest of the time we spend on us having fun or doing whatever we please. We never take any contact serious until we meet them because with the number of photos we have on our profile we get "hits" all the time from folks with none or perhaps one that want to get together with us. After attaching a G rated photo to the e-mail the next response from them is can we see the rest and we'll e-mail you some. At that point we just tell them no and move on. This happens to us 2 or three times a day believe it or not. Is it frustrating? Yes, but we still manage to laugh at the things pople will do to look at photos. Playing once a month enables us to smell the roses so to speak and reflect on this lifestyle and relieve our frustrations with it. With that being said, please don't take a break until we can get to St. Augustine first, LOL.

Center Valley PA
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Jim and I just sat and had a really long talk on that Annie. Thanks. We think half the problem is we're so used to a regular network and traveling for others which we're not doing because we're so busy exploring our new home. Patience has never been one of my finer attributes.

Saint Augustine FL
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Sounds like time to cut back at least, even if you don't take a complete break. Start sifting through your friends & contacts and try to emphasize top quality rather than numbers.

It only takes 1 or 2 or 3 good, dependable couples to have a fulfilling swing life, especially after you've been swinging a while and have satisfied about all your curiosities and fantasies.

Even ONE top quality couple can be just what you need. And maybe you can meet a few of THEIR friends at parties or meet & greets. A really top quality couple usually has friends of high caliber, too.

Good luck, LadyWife. Wish you weren't too far away.

South Riding VA
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TOPIC: Return On Investment