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FORUMS General Discussions Open Forum RACISM-A long way to go here on SLS
TOPIC: RACISM-A long way to go here on SLS
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Here's another reason why I take such strong exception to the claim that racism is solely a learned behavior....

Racism (and bigotry in general) is a big societal problem that we've always had and always will have. But, I think we should do what we can to reduce it as much as possible.

To deal with any problem, you need good reliable information about why it exists. It is very uncomfortable for people to accept the idea that we are inherently biased towards people like ourselves (and thus biased against people unlike ourselves). But to deny it because it makes us feel better to do so is counterproductive towards understanding racism.

If you want to exorcise your inner demon, you must call it by name.

Winter Garden FL
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Perf nailed it for where I was headed in an answer to you, VA.

I use FB for various reasons, but to just belong isn't one of them.

We've been on this site for what seems like forever, but only recently ventured into the fora.

Curiosity was the only reason, because we were bored! lol

San Antonio TX
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Interesting.

I used to think we fit in the Lifestyle, but we really don't in general. As time has gone by we realize that the majority of those swinging are not like us. It is AMAZING when we find the few that are.

Pittsburgh PA
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The very existence of SLS and the forums within it is an example of self-segregation. We are all here because of what we have in common, in spite of how diverse we all are. ONE thing - the lifestyle - is enough for us to form our own social clique.

If we didn't all gravitate together and felt like we could openly "be ourselves" in the outside world, SLS wouldn't exist.

Winter Garden FL
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Firstly, notice I use the word "tend" a lot. People "tend" to do things. There are tendencies, not rules. Not everyone follows them to the same extent.

Now, how do you explain why you don't feel like you fit in? I never felt like I fit in until we were in the lifestyle, and I finally felt like I was around people like myself. We prefer to hang out with lifestyle friends over vanilla, most of the time, even if there is no sex involved. It's hard to explain why, we just "fit in" better. For the first time in my life, I'm not an outsider.

So here we all are, self-segregating because of common traits. In this case, our attitudes towards sex and relationships. It's not as obvious as something like race, but here we all are. I much prefer to chat with someone like yourself than most of my "friends" on facebook, because I think I'd get along well with you. Although we have an obvious physically different trait, I have more in common with you than I do with, for instance, all of the schmucks from high school who crowd up my facebook page.

Winter Garden FL
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VA

I sure must have missed out on a bunch of instinctual behavior. I've always been an outsider aside from military service, and I eventually took that to the extreme (few others ventured). Lifestyle is the other that I can say I personally blended into, but it took the act of a couple to even open my eyes to its existence.

I grew up as an outsider and to an extent, still see myself in the eyes of others as different. In a crowded room, I've often found myself as the odd one out, but that's due to who I am as a person. I'm not a follower, I am my own person, and I stay true to that. I will never follow anyone based on outward appearance.

Is it instinctual to behave the way I do?

San Antonio TX
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My point was that people tend to self-segregate. If they didn't, we wouldn't have a Chinatown, Little Italy etc in every major city.

We had one year on our baseball team where one of our two black players got transferred for a job part way through the year. As soon as he left, the other wanted to go to another team after only a few weeks. He didn't want to be the only black guy. We were really surprised by this - he'd been on the team for years and was well-liked as well as a very capable player. A lot of people (including me) asked him if someone had been bothering him or giving him trouble about it, and he said no, never, he just wasn't comfortable being the only black guy.

We tried but failed to retain him. Too bad.

Winter Garden FL
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" Race is one of those things. However, it's one which we have no control over."

Well yeah. A person is born black or white or whatever. People who are pierced or tattooed or otherwise disfigured have chosen to do that.

Take little children for a walk along the beach, and they'll instinctively pick up shells. When they see a shell that's different from the rest, that one will get their attention.

To a healthy child, diversity is interesting and attractive. There's no inherent threat in it. Kids learn prejudice and false pride. Nothing natural about it.

It's an adult trait that you try to compensate for frustration, by feeling superior. In a competitive world, people band together to create an advantage. Kids only gradually learn such tactics.

Flat Rock NC
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Every person - and every higher animal, for that matter - displays both instinctual and learned behavior. The extent varies, but everyone does it.

We are often very unaware of our instinctual behavior. But it drives us much more than we appreciate.

The "Birds of a feather" extends to everyone. Think about any kind of classroom or grouping you've been in. The women tend to cluster together, especially if there are only a few of them. Why? Are they SCARED of the men? Do they hate them? I doubt it. If there are 100 people in the room and ONE is wearing a police officer's uniform, I guarantee a police officer who walks in the door will gravitate to them. Swap out "police officer" for "black" (in a room full of white people) and the exact same thing will happen. And quickly. The need to belong and fit in is intense, and the feeling that you don't belong is extremely distressing. Think back to high school. We all have lived this.

Animals do it too. Packs of animals often shun or exclude those who are albinos or have other unusual markings or features, or those that are smaller than the others.

Gabba gabba we accept you we accept you one of us! Gabba gabba we accept you we accept you one of us!

Winter Garden FL
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VA

I'd enjoy discussing your views on whether humans actually display instinct or a learned behavior.

San Antonio TX
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TOPIC: RACISM-A long way to go here on SLS