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FORUMS General Discussions Open Forum Quote of the Day - Meaningful, provocative and amusing quotes
TOPIC: Quote of the Day - Meaningful, provocative and amusing quotes
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Fake friends are like actors, they will laugh and joke with you til they hear cut and then later they will talk about you behind the scenes. - Rasheed Bryant


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I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds...

People move out of the way much faster.

- Road Rage

Pittsburgh PA
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Alright, listen closely. I'm not going to beat around the bush. Ha ha ha. Your little body's changing - it's all good, believe me. Problem now is... every time we jerk the gerkin, we get a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So... First order of business - no more socks. They're expensive, gumming up the works plumming-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "But, Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?" Glad you asked... You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning - that eliminates the need for a goo glove. But, the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're gonna need some other options. So let's start with the basics. Tissues. Perfectly acceptable backstop for all that Creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin and it can stick to your dick head like a fuckin' band-aid - ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flack-catchers - specificially, bananas. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: Slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave. Not too hot! Serious yowza. Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and Vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion, the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance and invest in some soon. Alright, moving on - when you tug your Thomas on the toilet - ffft - shoot right into the bowl. In bed - soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now, while you're a solo artist - you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. Ok - class dismissed.

Uncle Andy Botwin monologue to his teen nephew Shane ,,Weeds 2005

Atlanta GA
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"There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way." -Thich Nhat Hanh


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ROFL

White Hse Sta NJ
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"Iraq is victorious, we slaughtered the infidels, no one is superior to us"

-Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, as US troops leveled Baghdad


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"lighten up and stop the negativism . We disagree big deal I'm sure I'm not the first and more sure I won't be the last. I was trying to lighten the mood and lower the tension if you can't accept that gracefully at least refuse it quietly.....enough is enough." a forum poster once upon a time

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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And Shells says you remind her of Shakespeare. That's gotta be worth something.

Orlando FL
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Yeppers ,I'm a has been that never was. But the paparazzi still haunt and annoy me ;) Film, stage * my favorite* and voice work.

Atlanta GA
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LOL! I cycle my pictures and always add new ones. I'll see if I can dig up that picture and upload it :)

Thank you kind sir!


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TOPIC: Quote of the Day - Meaningful, provocative and amusing quotes