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FORUMS General Discussions Open Forum Quote of the Day - Meaningful, provocative and amusing quotes
TOPIC: Quote of the Day - Meaningful, provocative and amusing quotes
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Bah, not worth the bytes.

Loved this for some reason! :)

San Antonio TX
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(7570 posts)
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Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?

~Sun Tzu

Emeryville CA
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was he Alfalfa's Brother?

Burlingham NY
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Remember who adores you- Mr Akron

White Hse Sta NJ
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(4489 posts)
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"You can't say happiness without saying penis."

Toledo OH
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Fake friends are like actors, they will laugh and joke with you til they hear cut and then later they will talk about you behind the scenes. - Rasheed Bryant

Rumson NJ
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I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds...

People move out of the way much faster.

- Road Rage

Pittsburgh PA
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Alright, listen closely. I'm not going to beat around the bush. Ha ha ha. Your little body's changing - it's all good, believe me. Problem now is... every time we jerk the gerkin, we get a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So... First order of business - no more socks. They're expensive, gumming up the works plumming-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "But, Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr. Sock?" Glad you asked... You can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning - that eliminates the need for a goo glove. But, the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're gonna need some other options. So let's start with the basics. Tissues. Perfectly acceptable backstop for all that Creamy Italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin and it can stick to your dick head like a fuckin' band-aid - ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flack-catchers - specificially, bananas. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: Slip the peel over your Randy Johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave. Not too hot! Serious yowza. Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and Vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion, the best lube... is lube. So save your allowance and invest in some soon. Alright, moving on - when you tug your Thomas on the toilet - ffft - shoot right into the bowl. In bed - soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the raised scepter of love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now, while you're a solo artist - you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. Ok - class dismissed.

Uncle Andy Botwin monologue to his teen nephew Shane ,,Weeds 2005

Buford GA
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"There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way." -Thich Nhat Hanh

Rumson NJ
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ROFL

White Hse Sta NJ
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(4489 posts)
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TOPIC: Quote of the Day - Meaningful, provocative and amusing quotes