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TOPIC: Quote_of_the_Day_-_Meaningful,_provocative_and_amusing_quotes
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"I'm too drunk to be talking to y'all right now about some bullshit. 'Cause that's all y'all be talking is some bullshit. All y'all be lying. All you bitches lie. All the bitches lie. To Lamar. They saying they don't love me, but I know them bitches do. They saying I don't mean nothing to them. I do. I know I do. They be saying I ain't special, but bitch, I'm special. My momma say I'm special, bitch, I'm very special. I'm so motherfucking special, like..... like a special, special thing, motherfucker. Man I'm....I'm drunk as a motherfucker. But I like that shit though."

Lamar Davis-Grand Theft Auto 5

Hilliard OH
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Reminds me of a joke. Not many jokes center around a dwarf with a lisp but this one is a fave:

A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate.

He goes up to the farmer and says, “Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?”

“Sure”, says the farmer,”come on in.” The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer “Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want to see her eyeth.”

The farmer has to bend down and pick up the dwarf to show him the mare’s eyes.

“Nith eyeth, nith eyeth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.”

Once again the dwarf wanders around the horse, in turn asking the farmer to pick him up and show him the mare’s ears and exclaiming, “Nith earth, nith earth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.”

The farmer is starting to get pissed off by this stage because the dwarf is quite heavy.

Suddenly the dwarf stops in his tracks and says, “Her twat. her twat, I want to see her twat!”

The farmer, infuriated, pick up the dwarf and drives him head first into the mare’s backside.

He leaves the dwarf’s little legs kicking and wanders off to talk to his mates for a couple of minutes. He then comes back and extracts the dwarf from his predicament, “SCHLOOOOP!”

The dwarf wipes himself down and says. “I think I better wephrase that…I’d like to thee her gallop!”

Windermere FL
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lol Kibbs a friend was visiting the barn one day with her young grand-daughter. We had turned one of the horses out and were watching it trot around the field. The grand daughter was yelling trot trot trot. Only it sounded like twat twat twat. I was about to lose it.

Louisville KY
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For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.--Anonymous

and, for the NEA, for the peace of mind of the *rest* of us! it's about time he stopped thinking he *owns* the universe. -- me

Bridgewater NJ
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When I was around... I dunno... 5? I came home from school and showed my mom the new thing someone showed me with my middle finger.

I literally stood there giving my mom the finger. She stared at me and I said "This means, fuck you!!"

She was speechless. I was smiling - I had no idea what I was doing. I still remember the look on my mom's face.

Windermere FL
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Our youngest son does this constantly. He will say the most inappropriate, vulgar, and hilarious things. Sometimes I can't help but laugh. I tell him for God's sakes remember that I am your Mother.

San Antonio TX
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Have you ever *thought* your kid {or anyone, for that matter} that really made you waver between laughing and cringing? A little bit ago, the boys were in the next room watching tv and I *thought* my five year old said, "mom, you need to buy a condom". WHAT?!? "I said, 'you need to buy a Honda'.... it says on tv you can go to Nissan and get one! " OH! {WHEW!}

Fair Oaks TX
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I figured guys didn't hear it as often as girls do, but I guess I didn't realize that it was THAT uncommon. Especially for a good-looking guy like I consider you to be.

Fair Oaks TX
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maybe her friend saw you but was too embarrased to ask herself

Philadelphia PA
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I won't lie - I WAS flattered, and I've never (outside of a lifestyle environment) had a woman openly proposition me without even so much as a conversation prior to it. Even with conversation it's pretty rare. Like the girl whining on my 40 th birthday because the mrs and I wouldn't take her home. Very uncommon.

So - even if she looked like E.T. I'd still take the compliment.

Windermere FL
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TOPIC: Quote of the Day - Meaningful, provocative and amusing quotes
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