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Question for parents of kids with shitty grandparents : Swingers Discussion 2098281021
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TOPIC: Question for parents of kids with shitty grandparents
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If he drinks around the children to the point of being drunk I'd suggest you limit the time spent with him and to never leave your children with his grandparents alone."

Yeah, they do not see them much. We have them riding the bus now due to that very thing...plus really, they do not want to be around him and I refuse to put them in an uncomfortable situation. I hope he did at least hit a nerve enough to make him think.


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thank you all very much. I sincerely appreciate your advice. I do think it hit a nerve at least because he is now talking about camping in the backyard with them. It is so sad. My dad sober is a great man, he is someone we all love being around. It is him drunk that is the opposite. Thank you again, I appreciate all of your opinions.


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"The 10 year old feels bad about it...but I cannot bring myself to having him apologize for telling the truth....but at the same time, I hate that my dad's feelings are so hurt. I do not know how to handle it...I cannot force my child to apologize for saying something I wanted to say all of my life."

Lost, as the saying goes, "we do not get to choose our parents." I am sorry that you got the short end of the stick, but IMO if you make him apologize or do it for him, you will be making one the biggest mistakes of your life. There is another saying. "The truth hurts" and it could be this might be the best thing that ever happened to your father. Just let it go. Your first responsibility, once you have children is to them not your parents as they, good or bad did with you.

Cape Coral FL
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He shouldn't apologize. He did nothing wrong. Maybe this is what your dad needed to hear, to change.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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There is always a reason why an apology is the right thing to do. 1) You are sorry you did whatever it was you did. 2) You are sorry you got caught doing what you did (not sorry you did it) 3) You are sorry what you did/said hurt someone's feelings ( not the same as being sorry you did/said it)

One you accept that an apology does not mean you are "wrong" it is much easier to apologize.

It is never wrong to apologize when you hurt someones feelings . That being said I would help your child understand this concept so he can sincerely apologize for hurting grandpas feelings. I would also suggest a long talk about alcoholism with him so he understands that his grandpa has a disease and is "sick" and that his drinking has nothing to do with him or your family. If he drinks around the children to the point of being drunk I'd suggest you limit the time spent with him and to never leave your children with his grandparents alone. Alcoholism/ drunkenness is a scary thing for children and they should be protected from exposure to it as much as possible . It is also extremely unsafe for any child to be left in the care of an alcoholic.....grandparents of not. I would also be careful what comments/conversations your children might be exposed to with regard to their grandfather,although they need some information to understand the limits of the relationship they do not need to hear derogatory comments about their grandfather. I believe children should be as sheltered as possible from the realities of a cruel world for as long as possible and most definitely from your personal issues with your parents....time enough for that when they become adults with an adult understanding of the complexities of relationships. Adults fighting confuses children and the less they see of it the better.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Morning* I do not think he has to apologize. It is the truth. Your Dad has heard this from others and it didn't bother him. Id go talk to my Dad and tell him, if you don't like the view my son has of you, you change it. MAYBE just maybe this will be the catalyst for change. Maybe this little boys honesty will tear into your fathers heart and change him. There is always hope. On the other hand, Id remind my son, that is my Father and while we aren't happy with his choices, we still love him and are kind. YOU'RE son did nothing wrong. In a way he was loving his grandfather by even opening up the topic.

I hope it turns out well! joan*

Mantoloking NJ
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As far as your dad's concerned the truth hurts sometimes. Maybe he'll take what your son said and use it to get himself together.

i agree with this. maybe it will give your dad something to think about. im sure it hurt him, but your son shouldnt have to apologize for being honest.

Philadelphia PA
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As near as I can tell, you want a tight family bond... I would have to say that reminding both your kid and your parent that their time together draws shorter, they should not build barriers between themselves. As for how to patch things up, you can't, they must patch things up.

Without knowing more personal details about the drinking (such as if your parent drinks with the kids present or if the house is a wreck when their on the bing) I can not really comment well enough on suggestions.

I would however suggest that you watch what you say around your kids... Likelihood is that most of your kids views were formed from your own views. 10 years old is getting up there, the time for mending fences draws short as does building closer ties so there are fewer regreats once there are nolonger any time for memories.

My parents intentionally kept my sisters and self away from our grandparents aunts and uncles, due to multiple reasons. (from alcohol to betrayals like theft and swindling each other... A good analogy for 85% of them are wild animals. You can trust them to bit you, but not much else) besides three clear memories, I have none which is even neutral of our family beyond my sisters/parents. (I have no brothers)

Hazle Township PA
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Lost, I agree with what others have posted here. Your son WAS being respectful when he told your father the truth of how he feels, and he was being true to himself by not going along with the farce your father was trying to promote. Apologizing for what he said is not the way to go at all, because it denies the reality of their relationship. Saying he is sorry PeePaw's feelings were hurt is honest since your son cares enough about him for that, but your father's reactions to anything people say to him are entirely your father's responsibility.

Do you have Alateen or Alakid in your area? It might help your sons to connect with other children who face alcoholism in their relatives or close friends.

My parents aren't alcoholic but they wear their feelings on their sleeve and their focus is always about them. Sadly, my kids have had to learn to watch what they say around them over the years and because of that, they don't have a very close relationship with their only remaining grandparents. My kids, like yours, are grateful to have been raised by sane, loving parents. Kudos to you for breaking out of the pattern your parents established.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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That's the one thing about young kids. Brutal honesy. They haven't learned the art of tact.

As far as your dad's concerned the truth hurts sometimes. Maybe he'll take what your son said and use it to get himself together.To some grandparents not having a relationship with their grandchildren is harder than not having one with their kids...

Pittsburgh PA
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TOPIC: Question for parents of kids with shitty grandparents