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FORUMS General Discussions Open Forum Mrs clearsthroat in need of advice
TOPIC: Mrs clearsthroat in need of advice
Created by: clearsthroat
Original Starting post for this thread:
My SL story. I was my hubby's first girlfriend, first kiss, first everything. Early on in our relationship he started imagining having sex with other girls while we were having sex (ie porn stars, girls from h.s., moviestars) and it was a big problem with me so i threw a fit and told him to stop. I would ask every once in a while and he said he wasnt doing it anymore. Well he was lying.

I get upset to learn that while im making love to my husband hes having a long vivid fantasy of someone else giving him a blow job. Well we discussed it because i thought there was something wrong with our relationship but he said he's just curious of what it's like to be with another woman. I looked into it and swinging looked like the perfect answer being as ive always thought i was gay and I married a man without ever exploring lesbianism. He was into it. Now that we're in the situation when it's time to full swap (our main goal) he says he doesnt want to share me and he likes the idea that he's never been with any other girl. I dont want to push him into something he doesnt want to do but i think in a month or twos time we'll be back to square one. He'll always be curious until there's nothing to be curious about

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OH...If this were easy. Let's see if I have this right.

-Mrs is experiencing strong "gay" feelings. -Mr. is thinking about sex with others while engaged with Mrs. -Mr. wants to try intercourse with others. -Mr. Doesn't want to watch Mrs. do the same.

Mrs. Do you enjoy sex with your husband? Do you enjoy the sexual attention of other men? Don't worry about a label for your sexual orientation. I'm attracted to people not what's between their legs. You might be too. Relax. Labels are for soup. The only "rule"? Be yourself.

It is normal to think about others while having sex. Some folks think about movie stars, the hot neighbor, whomever. It's not a cut-down to the sex partner. It's the classic. I suggest everyone does it.

Of course Mr. is curious about other women. It's not OK in my mind for Mr. get and Mrs. doesn't. Suggest you try separate rooms if you choose to "go there." I suggest you wait. I suggest you role play. Mrs. can describe a scene where a another guy is doing her. Make it HOT. Describe another guy doing you while Mr's fucking you. See how that goes.

That's just the first blush. Mrs. is doing the right thing. I hope the younger folks help you through this. Remember, don't force anything. If you are to do this...it will happen. Good luck. Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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Mrs. E, as far as wanting to have sex with another woman he is curious, but he didn't/doesn't enjoy giving another woman oral. Now that ive submerged myself into this website, I've revved myself up for something that doesnt seem like it's ever going to happen. Last night I reminded him as to why he wanted to do this in the first place and he wanted to do it. But when we got there he told the other husband that he was uncomfortable with the idea of me and the husband getting it on in front of them so once again nothing happened. More than a little frustrated.

Wheatland CA
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We've soft swapped with the intentions of it going further (it obviously didnt) and it was all good while he was getting his but the switch was thrown when the other husband and i were doing stuff. I think he wants his cake and eat it too (looks weird). He knows the other guys wouldnt leave his wife and kids. Sigh.

Wheatland CA
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Here is my advice good or bad, take it or leave it...

Fantasy is healthy and very normal. If he isn't into the whole sharing right now so be it.

Let <your gay side > help him in his fantasy journey.

Imaging a girl on your face whilehe is doing you and say what you imagining and vice versa. It could make for some magical evening.

If he so wants to know what other girls would be like. Become them..

wigs.. clothes..heels.. a difference personality.. a different name..

then you could help him and understand more what he like its not other women its you. the idea is enough. so be happy you really are his desire who gives what fantasies someone has in their head. after all thinking cannot hurt a thing..

if you push you could lose him.

just my two cents.

Bridgeport PA
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PS I don't know about you two ladies but I've been married since I was 15. When I was 19 I still didn't quite accept how different men's brains operated, especially about sex. Bacchus and I talk very honestly and openly about sex. I have three grown sons (all older than you) and two 30 year old daughters. They all talk to me very openly about sex. And I'm still amazed at how different our brains operate! Keeps life interesting though.

Saint Augustine FL
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I think that if you two want to do it, there's no reason to wait so long. You two don't have to rush anything. If you guys just want to take things slowly you can. Any time me and the man had any sort of concerns or anything we just stopped and talked about it and took a break for a while. You two can always explore and see what works for you.

I would suggest taking your time and talking about every little concern you two might have with swinging. Little concerns can become very very big when it comes to having sex with other people. lisa

Wilmington DE
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OK, I may sound old, but I will chance it. We got together at the age of 20 and were married at 25. it took 10 years of learning and enjoying eachother monogamously before the idea of playing with others came up. 3 years after that, we had our first experience.

I am not suggesting you wait 15 or 20 years, but I am suggesting you take it slow. Take more time to 'merge' with your mate. Once you do that, you will both truly enjoy the lifestyle more.

Don't push him, and he shouldn't push you. Just exposing yourselves to other options and possibilities (Together) is enough for now. As long as you communicate what you are wanting, feeling, and thinking, then things can progress at a pace you are comfortable with as a couple.

Good Luck

Morgantown PA
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Mrs. Clears, don't rush in or out of anything. I am not of the school that thinks all you young ones are silly and don't belong in the lifestyle. So I hope I will not come off that way. I've been where you are. I remember when I first found out hubby had fantasies. I was just appalled and felt just thinking about it was somehow a betrayal of our marriage. Bacchus and I were hardly lily white when we entered out marriage. Especially not him given our age difference and that it was a time when "lifestyle" was not a coined term but "free love" sure was. What you do now and what you do later is all a journey of discovery together. We've been swinging together for 26 years and it's still a journey and discovery for us. What's right for us today, might not have been yesterday and may not be tomorrow. As individuals and together it's always been an evolution. I suppose it always wil be. Only the two of you can figure it out and the key will always be communication and patience. It is not at all unusual for men to have a fantasy of swinging but then be uncertain of the reality. I honestly think (but have no hard data) that you see it happen more with men. Don't rush it but don't abandon it either, until you are certain.

Saint Augustine FL
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Oh yeah, what should i do? Or what would you do in this situation? Any comments would be of great help.

Wheatland CA
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My SL story. I was my hubby's first girlfriend, first kiss, first everything. Early on in our relationship he started imagining having sex with other girls while we were having sex (ie porn stars, girls from h.s., moviestars) and it was a big problem with me so i threw a fit and told him to stop. I would ask every once in a while and he said he wasnt doing it anymore. Well he was lying.

I get upset to learn that while im making love to my husband hes having a long vivid fantasy of someone else giving him a blow job. Well we discussed it because i thought there was something wrong with our relationship but he said he's just curious of what it's like to be with another woman. I looked into it and swinging looked like the perfect answer being as ive always thought i was gay and I married a man without ever exploring lesbianism. He was into it. Now that we're in the situation when it's time to full swap (our main goal) he says he doesnt want to share me and he likes the idea that he's never been with any other girl. I dont want to push him into something he doesnt want to do but i think in a month or twos time we'll be back to square one. He'll always be curious until there's nothing to be curious about

Wheatland CA
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(1123 posts)
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TOPIC: Mrs clearsthroat in need of advice