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Is it considered a waste of time : Swingers Discussion 42333
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TOPIC: Is it considered a waste of time
Created by: whatisyoursafeword
Original Starting post for this thread:
Is it considered a waste of time to get to know you before we jump in the sack? How many get togethers does it take before you assume it's a waste of time? I read several forums that say "don't waste my time...." (in some form or other) We are not one night stands, but is that was most swingers expect? I guess what I'm asking is, what is a "waste of time"? (besides endless e-mails)
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CnL04,

We think alike. I couldn't have said it better.

-T

Oxnard CA
 
 
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I never consider it a waste of time to hang out with fun, friendly people whose company I enjoy, whether we end up being playmates or not. We have met plenty of couples with whom we haven't played, but with whom we have fun going out. Some of these couples are people we're probably not going to play with, since for whatever reason there's no spark. But there are some couples we've met with whom we'd LIKE to play, but opportunities haven't presented themselves yet- or else, we've been getting to know each other vertically first, but with unmistakable attraction that we all have acknowledged we're goint to act on at some point. I don't consider any of that time being social but not sexual "wasted"- I like these people!

L., the social butterfly

Ithaca NY
 
 
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The thing about time wasters...they don't know (and sometimes don't care) that they waste other people's time. The endless emails or asking US to call them (if I want to call I will! Don't tell me to call. Call me YOURSELF if you wanna chat).

We don't have to say, "Don't waste our time," because we can see if things are going no where. If someone won't make a meeting date in a reasonable amt. of time then move on.

That said...I have emailed with some ladies where they just had a baby, or worked long hours, or for some reason couldn't get together, but we emailed for a while because we had enough interesting stuff to share that the emailing was okay for us. And those people I actually did meet later and I liked them A LOT. For complicated reasons (can you say CHILDREN?) we have only had light play at meet and greets. But we are not in a rush.

Jen

Reading PA
 
 
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We have a basic three step rule. But there certainly are exceptions to it from time to time. E-mail to feel out if there is a decent possibility, telephone call to make sure this is a real couple that is equally committed to the lifestyle and hopefully lacking in drama and then a meeting in a public place to really feel it out. Even though we generally know quickly, we usually want everyone to go home and get together for the fun the next time so that all are sure. But sometimes the chemistry is so strong it becomes an exercise in how fast can we get to privacy. But on the other hand, last night we met a really terrific couple. From their e-mail and the phone call, we knew in advance that they are newbies who really aren't sure where they are going with this. We had much else in common, really had a terrific time and would like to "date" them more and if it ever happens great and if not we'll still be glad we met them.

Saint Augustine FL
 
 
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<< Let's say that, after playing, you feel something just isn't right>>

Anytime we get that feeling, before OR after we've played with someone, we back right off. Invariably when you get that feeling, there are issues that we don't care to get involved in.

We are looking for couples who are at ease and don't have issues between them simmering just below the surface.

South Riding VA
 
 
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We know within 15 - 20 minutes after meetin if we're interested in playin. We have no set number of times to meet before playin. We do play on first dates if the chemistry is there, and we're patient with those who want to take things slow. I'm tryin to imagine meetin someone and be fukkin within 20 minutes. Never done that and don't think I could. Even though I know I'm interested in the person that quick, it takes me a little longer to feel relaxed and comfortable with them. Everytime we played on first dates we at least hung out with the people a few hours first. On the other side of things, if we get to a third date and haven't played, we pretty much figger those folks will be vertical only friends. There is one exception to this, you know who you are, wink.

Mike

Bedford PA
 
 
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I would venture to say that most people know within the first 15 minutes of meeting someone if they are interested sexually. I am not sure 3-6 times more times to met them you change your mind on that issue. I think when they say not to waste their time is when you have no interest sexually you say that, it does not mean they won't be your buddy ,just that they wish to know your intentions and you be honest with them. We never just jump in bed with people we meet unless there is amutual interest , we will go there when we firts meet them but there are not quarentees that it will happen. Suzy is very selective about who we will play with. If she has an interest we will go if not we say thanks see ya later.

Sarasota FL
 
 
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Poly, I understand now, thank you. We have never gone past three dates before deciding to play. I just wondered if that was too long.

It brings up another question. Let's say that, after playing, you feel something just isn't right, like you feel jealousy from the other couple, you like them as people, but playing just seems awkward. How do you let them know that you do not want to continue THAT part of the relationship...........OMG Drama!

Oxnard CA
 
 
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When we were setting out for our first swinging experience, we found a couple online that sounded interesting. We met them for drinks & dinner one Friday night, and the following weekend we had them over to our house for a "purely social" evening. The next time we saw them we jumped in the sack.

Since then, we have never met a couple more than once before deciding if it was a "go" or "no go" situation. We HAVE seen couples at private parties on 3 or 4 occasions in the course of a year before deciding they might be a good match, and then set up a dinner date to get better acquainted. But we never "dated" a couple more than one dinner together. That's all it takes for us to know if we're interested.

South Riding VA
 
 
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Is it considered a waste of time to get to know you before we jump in the sack? How many get togethers does it take before you assume it's a waste of time?

I read several forums that say "don't waste my time...." (in some form or other) We are not one night stands, but is that was most swingers expect?

I guess what I'm asking is, what is a "waste of time"? (besides endless e-mails)

Oxnard CA
 
 
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(71 posts)
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TOPIC: Is it considered a waste of time