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How do you ferret out a cheater : Swingers Discussion 39359
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsOpen ForumHow do you ferret out a cheater
TOPIC: How do you ferret out a cheater
Created by: westernpacouple
Original Starting post for this thread:
In another topic, (Double Standard: Cheaters in the Swing Scene, Male vs Female), Expo969 wrote “Be careful, ask tough questions, see the answers they give you and learn!!!”

What are those questions? What is the best way to ferret out a cheater?

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Great answer! Creative, polite, gracious, and insulting, all at the same time. Simply, too, so he could understand it. LMAO!!! I like the way you think!!!

Mike

Bedford PA
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It's pretty easy to spot the cheaters. Not usually a single thing, but ususally several clues

If profile is a couple, but only lists details for the guy. "Trying to convince the wife to join in" means she probably won't show up. "Avaialble to meet during the day" probably a good clue, but I understand many people work different hours.

Single guy "discreet" almost always means don't tell my wife. Meet during the day and unwilling to give out any personal info are usually other big clues.

Albany GA
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Discreet...That word rings MY bells.

I can tell they are cheating because most folks are partnered at one time. If they don't mention ANYONE, an Ex, BF, GF...etc. I know..

I will ask directly if they are cheating. Most will answer truthfully.

While I have daytime availability, my preference is nights and weekends. If they can't play during prime time, it's a no go.

I use my cell to screen people. Once I know them. My home number is offered. I tell them my husband's name. If he answers. They are to ID themselves and say hi. I'm probably not at home or I would answer. They can leave a message with him, or call my cell. My husband will already know their name and general info about them.

It's very easy to ID cheaters. I've had no problem avoiding them.

BTW, I throw no stones. It's not easy being married. I have cheated, repeatedly. I stopped about 5-6 years ago. It's been much better since I did.

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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Got ya now expo, that criteria was according to the beast. Now it makes more sense.

Mike

Bedford PA
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I can't prove it, but I felt very sure that someone was a cheater. When he called me on his work cell phone he was uncomfortable being asked questions.

I asked, "Have you ever been married?" [Long pause] He said, "Yes." No details offered. I said, "Have any kids?" because I have 2 and I love 'em. He said, "Yes." No details offered. I said, "Oh, boys? girls? How old are they?" He sounded uncomfortable and told me. I am previously divorced and I asked, "What kind of custody do you have?" [Pause] "50-50"

At that point the CHEATER bells rang. If a father has 50-50 custody, he is a devoted dad who loves his kids. Maybe he even wants full custody but can't get it, or at least wants things to go good by having his kids be with both parents (assuming the ex is SANE). This guy didn't want to say one single thing about them, and quickly said, "I have to go." He never called back, even though he was dogging me for weeks to get together (during the day, at MY place).

Jen

Reading PA
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Perhaps I should have elaborated. Nine time s out of ten it is the wife of us who is the one online. Also, on the phone hubby always will say hi to let them hear his voice, know he exists etc. but he does not like to chat on the phone with anybody no matter what the relationship. I am speaking about an extreme here. As in it's not a matter of HE is the one who likes to be online and she only looks at profiles. Or SHE is busy with kids, etc. She is never even there and then there is quite simply NEVER a time when it might be convenient for the four of us to speak on a telephone. Now combine that with they will not exchange any sort of pictures whatsoever prior to meeting, his first question is always who is he speaking to and if it's me (the wife) he has tons of time and if it's Jim or I say Jim is right by me he is very busy all of a sudden. So after many IM's of this type, just to see what would happen, yesterday I told him we were takign a break from play or even talk of play until after the Holidays and us getting into our house. Bingo, he suddenly got busy. This took place over two months starting before we even arrived in FL. This is very much a pattern of behavior different than what you do and all the behaviors combined is what spells the red flag to us.

Saint Augustine FL
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Sounds like us, Oldfart. I hate talking on the phone, and am honestly not big on chatting for too long of a time either. I'm just not good at small talk unless I can actually see the person. Sides, I feel like if we chat about everything under the sun there will be nothing left to talk about when we meet.

Denham Springs LA
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..........I am always on im and do the mail.WE are quite real , and also a real couple.Just had a couple ask to speak to suzy last night, she was in the middle of making 12 dozen cookies and did not want to be bothered. Suzy does not care to chat on line. One reason it takes to long to get a question answered, or have them respond.She however does all the phone calls when people call.Suzy also wlil read the profile of some couple say ok or no way to write or respond to. I have had people believe that there was no female. when she does chat , its very easy to tell the difference . Suzy will use proper english ,punctuation ,full sentences and she cares about typos. I could care less on the above, as most of you have seen! LOL.

Sarasota FL
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jaws.........if it does, it was not gonna work out so it does not matter.Our main course is not the single male or female, its a couple which is a totaly different beast. So its no skin off our back I may not do the whole 9 yards with one these are just suggestions on what o watch out for. Though we did happen to meet a couple who were married but not to each other.Their respective spouses had no clue they were out there doing this. we are not interested in garbage ,baggage.If they scare away , great, if not its time for the hood of the car!

Sarasota FL
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Had this one happen last night and it's certainly not the first time. IM in this and other sites, profile says couple but it is always the male on IM and there is always a reason the wife isn't on and always the immediate question if it's just the female of us.

Saint Augustine FL
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TOPIC: How do you ferret out a cheater