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Fucking Bitchfest 2013 : Swingers Discussion 2143221031
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TOPIC: Fucking Bitchfest 2013
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tbr, at this point it's mandatory court ordered financial mediation...but, since he hasn't complied with court ordered discovery yet, we haven't scheduled the session. the custody mediation was also court mandated: first three hours are free. we were blessed with a mediator with exceptional patience who gave us a second, free, session to continue ironing out the details of parenting time and we were (mostly) successful, with the exception of telephone contact, vacation, and travel. since in my jurisdiction, one is not allowed to move out of the marital residence and set up another home for children without permission or a court order, i agreed (during the summer) to the court order stating week uld negotiate phone contact, vacation, and travel notification separately and have them incorporated in to a final order. obviously, that hasn't worked out too well. our mediator was literally physically banging her head against the table during our session, saying "mr stbx, you're *killing* me here!!!" (and that's a trained mediator with the patience of a saint)

for the financial mediation, i chose a retired judge with a reputation for fairness but more importantly toughness and someone who brooks absolutely none of the shenanigans stbx and his atty regularly engage in. we get two hours for free and then have to pay him an hourly fee after that if it looks as though we are getting somewhere.

my stbx is all about denial, control, manipulation, and mind games, instead of just sticking to the provable facts, he engages in "kitchen sink" arguments where he drags in everything including the kitchen sink as reasons why what he wants is right, and how everyone and everything else in the world is a reasons why he did something wrong (I've got a pretty good criminal fraud cass I could file against him), and it really wasn't like it seems, and anyway it's my own fault for breathing--you know the type, I'm sure.

mediationin my jurisdiction is only effective if both parties agree. nothing said or done during the mediation process at this point is admissible in court and none of it can be used in court--it's against evidentiary rules.

so it's all a toss up and i have to hope the mediator will be willing and able to deliver effective verbal smack downs. when we reach that point.

Manville NJ
 
 
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How do they do mediation out there?

Here in San Diego, the mediators word is law. Whatever they recommend is almost always the way the judge rules.

In Los Angeles, the mediator can't talk to the judge unless the parties agree.

I like the mediator to have a say.

Lakeside CA
 
 
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Trooper stayed in a bad marriage until the kids were old enough to go to court and tell the judge they didn't want to be with their mom so he would get full custody. She was VERY unstable. Actually she was just plain crazy. Luckily the judge agreed with everyone that it would be in the kids best intrest for him to have custody. They are wonderful young adults (early 30's) with great jobs, houses, one is very happily married.

My only Bitch for the day is that Christmas Puked on my living room....but its partly a happy thought because my kiddo's and spouse were very happy with all the gifts under the tree which makes me happy.

Louisville KY
 
 
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decided to wait another day and cool off before calling and spending beau coup $$$on what will likely turn in to another wasted effort. he truly believes rules apply only to me, but not to him. he truly believes he can do whatever he wants and damn me.

until i am able to get him in front of our chosen mediator, this ain't going nowhere positive. and mediation ain't happening till jan or February sometime, so the less i spend now, the more i have to pursue the mediator and the less i antagonize him, the better off (i hope) for our child, since I am no longer there to be his whipping boy.

Manville NJ
 
 
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I hear you all. Which makes me VERY, VERY thankful that we are managing one happy, fulfilling marriage. The pain that so many are going through is just awful.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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As difficult as it can be at times, this all makes me thankful that I don't have another parent to work around/negotiate with.

I know it's a dual-edged sword, though, and sometimes it would be nice to have someone else to shoulder some of the responsibility....but then I remember what the trade-off would be.

Mcallen TX
 
 
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yeah, "different" is a good word for it. it all costs way too much not just in terms of $$. and the child(ren) are the ones who get hurt the most.

Manville NJ
 
 
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Wow, that is different. I can't take ourdaughter out of the county overnight without agreement from mom (egg donor)..

.

I'm gonna have to re-negotiate that one 'cause I have a job in the next county north...

Lakeside CA
 
 
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(it's "to be negotiated" for a final order)....

Manville NJ
 
 
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thanks tbr,the notification issue is not delineated in any way, neither is vacation. because he balked at any notification requirements. since the language is silent, i have no legal rights...."it's a civil issue," and i need to "call my lawyer."

i got a good night phone call and was able to sing silent night, so all' s. well thatends....sort of well.

Manville NJ
 
 
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TOPIC: Fucking Bitchfest 2013