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Friends-Playmates : Swingers Discussion 45821
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TOPIC: Friends-Playmates
Created by: Atowncplpa
Original Starting post for this thread:
In many of the couples profiles we have read they say that they are looking for friends first and playmates second. Over the past few years we have noticed that there seems to be a disconnect when you do not become playmates. Is it impossible to be friends with someone who has turned down your sexual advance? We attend some of the Meet and Greets here in our area and have noticed that the few we told we were not attracted to won't even say hi. We feel that just because there was no sexual attraction doesn't mean there was no attraction to personality. Is it hard for some to have a friendship with those who share the same desire of the lifestyle, just not the same bed? Is it just the idea of rejection that many don't want to be friends? If you reject them sexually means you are not capable of being friendly? Is it that some don't want to make the effort of a friendship without something on the side? Is it possible that a couple has enough friends in the Vanilla world that lifestyle friends would cramp their style? What are your feelings of friendship in the lifestyle? Do you tell people you want friendship then when nothing beyond that happens you are no longer friends? Do you have friends in the lifestyle that you meet on a semi frequent basis and not play with. Just curious to everyone thoughts on the subject. And remember, their is no right or wrong to the answer, just your preference.

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LOL @ Poly! Although I don't see it, I definitely like Melanie and I think she is a doll. I was told I look like Jeana Elfman (Darma and Greg) once.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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That is very common around here. What is funny is the people who do it the most are the ones that have some reference about being friends in their profiles. We don't have just lifestyle friends that we don't play with. The minute they find out you don't want to play, you never see or hear from them again. We have met a couple that we have been hanging out with since Feb. and have only played once (which just happened recently.). We have no problems just being friends with someone but most here do.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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In some ways, I have to disagree with those that post you can't be friends with those you turn down, or those that turn you down. Dave and I are friends with many we wouldn't play with... it's all a state of mind... everyone has their own taste, and everyone should respect that. Ex. Dave walks with a limp.. I think some women are afraid that they will hurt him (not possible lol he's been through too much) but, some women won't play with him because of this, and that's ok. Me, well I have a lil belly, not big, but there is some there, some men don't like women with any belly.. they want a flat stomach... that's ok too... their preference. =) Kisses, Chel

Piedmont SC
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we thik that is a very common occurance.People tend to say they want friends first.To us that means they want to know more about you then your name and what sex you like.Friendship is a term that is thrown around like a article of clothing. Once you tell someone that your not sexually desiring them they tend to go elsewhere , or when you have had sex with them and it was not up to par ,meaning no more sex for you, they no longer want to hang out. Thats ok with us, we are not looking for best buddies. We are simply looking for people that are cool to run with , hang out, if sex comes into play fine if not fine also. we do include some of our swinger friends with our vanilla friends which alwas turns into a funny situation. We do many events such as a beach thing on the 4th of july, wine tasting,state parks for picnics,meet n greets. Whats important to us, that people are able to seperate swinger functions from reality.So many can't seem to be able to do that.Iin this case it does not matter how hot or how regular someone is, if you can't seperate its difficult to become great friends and have a long term lasting relationship.

Sarasota FL
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I would imagine, as many others have said that the reason these people stopped talking is because they were rejected and people don't like rejection. That being said, I think it's rude to not talk to someone because you were rejected, but unfortunately many people aren't always polite.

I'm thankful we've been fourtunate enough to meet couples who we are vertically & horizontally friendly with. If we did meet a couple who rejected us, we certainly wouldn't ignore them if they said hello, and would be friendly to them. However I'm not sure that I would pursue a friendship any further than that because it's kind of awkward to be friends with someone who you find attractive & they aren't interested in you like that.

Lisa

Wilmington DE
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We met a couple and had a blast. They are not active anymore but we do see them on occassion..

We have a couple we played with very regular that we seldom speak to any longer.

It depends on the people really and how sincere they are in their profiles. Sometimes people put what ever they think will work. Not really what they want and are.

Sometime the people cannot handle the rejection or change of heart to not playing anymore, especially if they felt the opposite about you.

That's what I hate when you like to talk to someone and you meet and there is just nothing.. No fizzle nothing, but you still enjoy the conversation. Since we are swingers and so are they the concept of a vanilla friendship is beyond their grasps. ( Not Always )

We have met alot of people we will hang out with anytime may not play but will gladly hang out. But that is us.

Bridgeport PA
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Like Mellissamatthew, we have difficulty finding enough time to keep both vanilla friends and lifestyle friends in our social schedule. It's especially difficult in the DC metro area, because people 20 miles away are an hour's drive, due to the traffic congestion, any time of day or night.

We prefer to have swinging friends who are "regulars," so to speak, whom we see and play with at least every few months. It's tough to have more than 2 or 3 couple like that at once and see them all often enough to maintain that feeling of closeness, keep our work and family lives chugging along, and still have vanilla friends.

The sad truth is that most of our vanilla friends have fallen by the wayside. We only have time in our lives for a small number of friends of any stripe, and because of that we prefer to keep our swinging friends. And because it's tough to see even THEM as often as we'd like, we rarely do "purely social" things with them. Instead, we get together and fuck whenever we can.

South Riding VA
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We have become friends with a couple that we no longer play with. The chemistry just didn't work out in the end, but it did take some effort to keep a friendship going.

In all honesty, with three children (5 and under), him working full time and family, our free time for playing is very limited. Most of the time it is difficult to find the time to nurture a friendship with couples we don't play with. Like many, when we have the time to play, that's what we like to do.

Friendship is great, but when it comes to meeting a new couple with the possibility of play vs. meeting a couple with NO possibility of play, we'll take the first.

Melissa

Breckenridge MN
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Wildlife is right...regardless of who did the rejecting, if they're taking it personally, then we don't want to socialize with them....they wouldn't make for good friends.

We have folks in the lifestyle that are our social friends only. In two cases, it evolved into social friends because their preferences for swinging are a lot different than ours. In other cases, we might swing with the couples, but we see them much more socially than we do for sex. If we find couple who don't want anything to do with us because we've turned them down, I have to assume that we did the right thing, lol. In our vanilla life, as well as our swinging life, we want to be surrounded by people who like us as we like them. Neither John nor I want to waste our time on rude people.

Cambridge VT
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Wow, that's pretty amazing. If there is another Pgh M&G this year (even though it is a distance for you guys), you will have to go. I couldn't imagine in my life to snob someone just because there is no sexual attraction. We have made many friends in the lifestyle that we consider just friends without any sexual attraction. There is no reason in the world that a couple who may not be interested sexually should not even say hello, their problem, not yours as that is rude behavior. We talk, party and have a great time with all swingers, whether sexually interested or not. Some do not accept rejection, and could explain their behavior. Some take rejection way to personally and again would explain their behavior but if they were the "rejectors" then there is no excuse and wouldn't want to associate with those types anyways.

Jerome PA
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TOPIC: Friends-Playmates