115
Desired : Swingers Discussion 213337
Busy Swingers Forum - everything you always wanted to know about swingers.
SwingLifeStyle Swingers Personal Ads. | SwingLifeStyle Swingers Clubs

Busy Swingers Forum

Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

Create A Free Account

HELP
FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsOpen ForumDesired
TOPIC: Desired
Created by: Seduction4Two
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hubby and I, had a very interesting conversation with our friends, they are swingers who have been swinging on and off since their mid 30's. Their reason for swinging is that they feel desired, and feeling desired makes them feel young, attractive and sexy. I was surprised, because for as long as I've known them, they come off as a couple who is solid on the self esteem part. As a result, it drives them to keep in shape and take care of themselves. Never really thought about swinging in this way.
GoTo Page: 1 2
 1 to 10 of 14   End
User Details are only visible to members.
Well, sex is often the act of taking or giving control. Dominance.

So to be sought after is to have power over others, to allow them to take pleasure in you. So I can easily see where your friends are seeing how it builds their self esteem.

Hazle Township PA
 
 
Username hidden
(6877 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I think, too, that sometimes seeing your partner being desired by someone else kind of sparks that initial desire for him/her as well. It always makes me smile when I see someone looking at Mr. Sexus with desire, or whose desire is blatantly displayed.

What's fun as well is when you are NOT putting it all out there, when you're not thinking about flirting, attraction, sex, swinging, and someone shows desire. It can catch you a bit off-guard and be a delightful boost.

Desire comes across a little differently than lust. I'll think about this one and try to explain why I think that. It goes a bit the way of a ravenous dog (lust) not caring how much he slurps and gulps after a morsel, or a dog that can wait patiently (desire), with self control but an intense focus, nothing else is a distraction, for that treat.

G.

Gina

San Antonio TX
 
 
Username hidden
(7127 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
It makes sense... when you consider the romantic notion of love; what's really being discussed is the reciprocal feeling of being desired. I'd like to think that those of us here already know that isn't really love, but it's such a strong intoxicating feeling that normal society tends take it for such. Most relationships wax and wane in the desire department, it's just a normal part of human nature... nobody can sustain such high emotions full time and still enjoy a normal functional life.

When we swing, it's like an espresso shot which allows us to refresh the high associated with being desired. Maybe we swingers are just evolved enough to understand how to harness this energy to enrich our lives. :)

I can confirm that it has been motivational for us as well, in terms of working on being fit and other life improvements. The end result is a happier, stronger us.

Modesto CA
 
 
Username hidden
(134 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I like the idea of connecting the reason for swinging to a longing to be desired. Probably, many swingers would not characterize it that way and might deny it altogether, however I think it is well-put and the concept makes sense to me. *

I agree!!!

My initial reaction was, rejecting the premise. The way that I am however, simply rejecting the notion wasn't sitting well with me. I kept thinking and thinking. And the more that I thought about it, the more it made sense. My thoughts (as best as I can express them, with my idiotic language barrier and all):

When we're desire by someone new, it almost a validation that we're attractive, someone outside of the one that we're spending our life with, wants us!!! Regardless of how healthy our self esteem is, it is definitely a boost to the ego, it feels great to be desired. This is why men and women behave in ways to draw attention, if people are looking at you, if people are paying attention, the mind translates it as others finding you/us attractive. In some cases, this serves as a boost, a motivator.

Sweetjzabelle, I agree, definitely interesting and worth thinking about, even further.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
Username hidden
(16526 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Interesting thoughts..

Spring TX
 
 
Username hidden
(2074 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
While there could be a momentary limit to how much approval one can accept, you don't become sated with it, such that you can't appreciate still more.

When Adele fills a house with fans wanting to hear her sing, she surely appreciates how much they love her voice. If they stopped showing their love, it might hurt her self esteem. Desire is just a good feeling.

Flat Rock NC
 
 
Username hidden
(2984 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
s42 "Their reason for swinging is that they feel desired, and feeling desired makes them feel young, attractive and sexy. I was surprised, because for as long as I've known them, they ..........."

I like the idea of connecting the reason for swinging to a longing to be desired. Probably, many swingers would not characterize it that way and might deny it altogether, however I think it is well-put and the concept makes sense to me. Also, I do not think one must have low self esteem to enjoy being desired; I think the desire to be desired is basic to being a "normal" human, from my point of view. We are hard-wired as social creatures and that spark of desire on the part of another for us, I think sparks a reciprocal desire on our part. It sounds like your friends are a very intimate couple.

San Luis Obispo CA
 
 
Username hidden
(1205 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
I didn't say they *can't* be tied. I said they need not be tied.

However, like before, I will not deny that swinging helps drive us to maintain ourselves. For us, anyway. Not everyone is the same.

And some are *obviously* not the same.

Chesapeake VA
 
 
Username hidden
(17598 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
While I appreciate your pearls of wisdom, VA. I believe that you are suggesting that the two aren't tied; appreciating being desired and self esteem. I didn't think that either. But the more that I thought about it, the more it made sense, particularly for someone who needs a push to maintain themselves. For example, the friends. It almost seems that without the feeling of being desired (swinging), they wouldn't feel as youthful, thus not necessarily maintain themselves (Ex: eating properly, exercising because that is what they feel attracts others).

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
Username hidden
(16526 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Mine still is....

San Antonio TX
 
 
Username hidden
(7892 posts)
GoTo Page: 1 2
 1 to 10 of 14   End
TOPIC: Desired