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Can someone please answer this HARD question : Swingers Discussion 2202901091
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsOpen ForumCan someone please answer this HARD question
TOPIC: Can someone please answer this HARD question
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We appreciate all of the opinions, but you may be missing a key fact: people are very different in all ways. I am medically trained and people range from aorgasmic(no orgasm) to multiorgasmic(many orgasms). Those orgasms can occur over varying lengths of time depending on a number of factors. There are cases of women experiencing orgasms lasting from a few seconds to several minutes. There are cases of women who experience multiple orgasms within a very narrow time window.

When you have seen one woman, you have seen one woman. Same goes for men.

Duluth GA
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A really mischievous thought just hit me.....a dudes really taking a gamble holding off. .....I think it would be sad if he focused all his attention on holding off ....only for the lady to get hers and wind up deciding shes "one and done" on that particular occasion, maybe a little soon even.

Mcallen TX
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Sophia,

It has been my experience that people, who give unwanted advice, usually don't know diddly shit and anything they say should go in one ear and out the other.

We went to a club, in Louisiana, once. We had already been in the lifestyle for, at least, 5 years. Maybe even longer. For some reason, people thought we were new to the lifestyle. They kept giving us advice, which we already knew and didn't need. We ended up leaving and have yet to go back, even though we are in that area several times, a year.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Someone once mused about why nature was so cruel as to not allow men to remain aroused and have orgasms for as long as they wanted to like women....

... I replied with "I'd probably never get anything else done if that were the case..."

Chesapeake VA
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Sexus, PLEASE do not judge me by the questions I asked. PLEASE read why you shouldn't judge me or the questions I asked.

Personally, I don't think it is a shortcoming of men. I asked the questions I did based on the conversations others had with hubby and I in order to 'educate' us on the realities of swinging. Our first meet and encounter was with a guy who spent most of the night telling all of us, his partner included the ways of swinging. I believe he claims to be at this 27 years and knows all. That was after one week of us in the LS and he believed he was helping us. We discarded EVERYTHING he said because he was an ass.

We had some conversations via email, text, chat, where the conversation came up by the other couple. We had 5 dinners with couples and the conversation came up each time by the other couples. During a party, 5 or 6 couples talked about this issue. Again, to educate us on the realities of swinging and the male organ. I wasn't a virgin when I married hubby and had sex with other guys. I seen a few things and did a few things that gave me some insight. Our sex life hasn't always been like the movies, books, or porn we have seen. We know about holding off and not coming and still having fun. I didn't need strangers educating me on not coming and the holding off, but because I hadn't worried about it before, I began to wonder if I should. Then as more conversations came up, well, I began to worry if there was a hidden message in this that I needed to uncover. And against what many of these guys say, I don't lay there and that's it. I like to be actively involved and if that means coming back to suck him off in a little bit to show him no hard feelings, I will.

We had a few encounters that didn't turn out like we expected and the difficult issues were never mentioned by us other than, it is okay, we understand. We laughed about it when they did and if they chose not to talk about it, I would mentioned something that went very well and thanked them for that.

The reason the questions were asked the way they were is because I heard these questions asked in the conversations and I had to relate what I heard to what I knew. Since it was 24 years ago when I last had someone new, I wanted to find out what the hell is going on. Why was everyone telling us this crap and more importantly why did they think we needed details such as they were giving us.

I do believe that sex is fun and release makes it more fun for everyone. I don't lay there timing when the release should come, or judging when the release doesn't come. Okay, I will restate that with a bit more honesty, If after an hour of pounding away at me and I had an orgasm already and he still doesn't come and the area begins to feel a little raw, then I ask him if there is "something I can do to get you off or get you off of me". However, that was only said to hubby and he understood. I would never put it that way with someone I just encountered.

But in this case, I was really curious if anyone could answer the questions everyone was asking us or telling us about. and as I mentioned in response to Carrie's previous comment, I really did wish they hadn't brought it up.

Sophia

Hendersonville NC
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Yes, PG. I do realize that but when someone brags about how easy their wife cums then says she can cum twice in 30 minutes, I can't help but laugh. Obviously, their definition, of easy, is a lot different than mine.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Well not everyone is easily multi orgasmic. I have a good friend that struggles to have one, she joins our play sometimes and I feel bad because I orgasm so easily. She has a good time though whether she gets there or not, same as the guys are saying. Trooper can have mini-o's too which is fun, but he is the only guy I have been with that can do that.

Louisville KY
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I was thinking the same thing, Gina. I almost said something but decided to be nice.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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First of all, I have to stop laughing at "Ready for sex again, and possibly orgasm. Not uncommon for her to "O" twice in 20-30 minutes. " Anyone who's been with me is probably laughing at this too right now. whew.

Ok. My husband doesn't always cum either. Not necessarily by choice, but he does like to get the woman off a lot before he cums. And if it's late at night, very late, and he's worked that day, or drinking, or a LOT of foreplay for hours...that moment will pass. I do NOT see this as a "shortcoming" by any means, as the OP stated about men's shortcomings with this.

Yes, I am thrilled and excited too, when a guy comes hard and fast, b/c he can't control himself b/c I've turned him on that much. BUT. There are as many reasons why a guy didn't cum during sex as there are reasons why a woman does or does not orgasm at any given time. It usually has NOTHING to do with the woman, how sexy she is, how much rthe man is enjoying himself, how much fun sex is, how turned on he is...etc. Cocks seem to have a mind of their own sometimes.

And the more pressure put on a guy to "cum for me baby," the less it may happen. Take a break. Get some water. Have a conversation. Start again.

Or do what I do and ask the guy to masturbate for you, on you, with your help or without, if you find that hot (I do). I love to watch a guy's hand stroking himself. I know that's sort of off-topic.

IN another example, I orgasm pretty easily most of the time, and frequently (hence the laughter at the original paragraph), BUT, I rarely, and I mean RARELY orgasm from oral done on me. Just a difference. So, should a guy or girl continue to lick and suck on me for hours to keep trying to get me to cum from their oral skills? Hell no. I'd hate to put that pressure on someone.

When I was younger, I was insecure enough to think that if my guy couldn't cum pretty soon after we started fucking, then oh my god, I'm not sexy enough or turning him on enough, etc. No. That's self-centered wrong sort of thinking. It's about him. It's not a problem unless you make it a problem. And I've learned that if he (whomever) doesn't cum with me right then, then maybe he will later on, or another day, another situation, another place and time, circumstance, or with another person instead of me. No big deal. Really.

Sex should be fun, not the culmination of rigid expectations.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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HI! Interesting question, when its just me and my girl...she likes me to wait, and 'use me' to cum a few times herself and then will tell me then she wants to feel me explode in her...and she does a few different things and I do...and its awesome..

when swinging...I actually ask the wonderful lady or through the conversation before hand (its ok to talk about it right? lol) I ask what is their expectation because I do so like to please and always would like to cum before its all over... so I could do both, but like stated above once I want, I can wait a while..

Lastly, my girl loves to feel the cum...when she wants it... and to Sophia's point I love when the sexual play continues even after cuming...we have found lots of things to do...

Henrietta NY
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TOPIC: Can someone please answer this HARD question