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Anyone else run into this problem and-or have any pointers on how to deal with it : Swingers Discussion 42824101
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsOpen ForumAnyone else run into this problem and-or have any pointers on how to deal with it
TOPIC: Anyone else run into this problem and-or have any pointers on how to deal with it
Created by: XFrequentC
Original Starting post for this thread:
I guess this is sorta a gripe but also would like to know who else runs into this problem and how they deal with it. We find that on a lot of occasions that either I or Craig end up in a play situation where one of us ends up feeling left out or undesirable. It's almost like the other is being tolerated just so they can get to one of us. It's becoming quite a problem lately. I also have to admit that i (Zoe) don't always pick up the early signs that this is going to happen. Any suggestions on ways to avoid this or early signs? How do you deal with this if it happens to you? Kisses Zoe and Craig
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This can be a real hindrance. Although we haven't had enough experience to say we've actually seen this happen to us yet, I make it a point to verify that both partners in the other couple are equally interested. And not just in the wife. If that ever happens and I feel completely left out during playtime, I figure I brought a girl who likes me a whole bunch so I really can't be left out to the point where it would bother me. One couple we met gave me the impression that while the female liked me, she was very uncomfortable with the concept of swinging and was going along with her boyfriend's wishes. Since I don't want to be a party to that kind of pressure, we politely declined. I figure I don't need to force myself on someone else's girl to get a little action, so why should I put up with playing with someone who'd rather be somewhere else? Nate

Rio Rancho NM
 
 
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zoe and Craig:

Waves Hi. I believe this issue stems from couples really wanting a FMF or FF and not FMFM.

Excuse me! I'm very picky regarding males. There is NOTHING wrong with Craig! There are so many new women wanting FF they will meet a couple and ignore the guy.

I've had this happen. I've been "tolerated" because my gf is with me. My gf is 20 years younger. She's very well built. When she drinks she is very open to strangers. I'm never open to strangers. I usually need to "know" them.

The last couple, at the farm. was funny. My gf let them into the room. They said she had her period. So she had to stay dressed. He said he had had too much to drink. His cock wouldn't work. They were both lying.

The female jumped on C and then me. I pushed her off. She had no clue what she was doing. She was acting like a starving dog licking a clean bowl. C was enjoying her attention while I laid with the guy and watched. It was VERY clear what was going on.

She wanted another "attractive" female so badly. He concocted a lie to keep from having to interact with me. They also assumed her period would stop us. I pulled the plug after a while. There was no way C was going to get off from what this rabid chick was doing. Still, C got her fun. I relaxed well aware of the dynamics. The entire thing was ridiculous.

Agree you can get the vibe ahead of time. If Craig ends up out of the loop, pull a plug on it. Go over and do him. Say very directly that you want to give your lover attention. There is only so polite I will be if I'm out of the loop.

hugs,

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
 
 
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The best early sign is to look at the initial reactions of the other couple. Particularly look at the reaction of the opposite sex and see if they give a "yummy I can hardly wait" or "oh is that all" sign. Look for a forced smile. A raised eye brow and wide smile would be good. Try to feel how attentive the other couple is. Is the male acting like a kid with a big crush who can hardly wait while the female is being docile in the corner letting the male do all the talking? Look for it the other way around too. Sex is the main goal so it stands to reason that their will be a strong reaction upon initial contact. Then follow the clues while you're getting to know the other couple. Remember his enthusiasm is not hers or theirs, it's just his.

If you're the one who doesn't have that desirable feeling toward a couple, it's best to just not get into sex that night. We all know this. It's your own fault if you do continue.

If the other male isn't into it, well that will physically show. But if you're instinct tells you that the other female is not having a good time, then I say, have sex with her anyway. This will make the female of the other couple re-evaluate why they are swinging in the first place and hopefully turn away any wannabees. Veterans should know better.

But I'm just cynical like that.

Valencia CA
 
 
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We always make time for eachother and i pay a majority of my attention to Craig even when we are playing unless of course there is another giving him attention. When we have run into these situations we usually find a way to let the other know that things aren't going all that well for us and we find a way to politely excuse ourselves. (That is if we are in a group situations) If we are one on one with another couple that is a little harder. We talk about it afterwards and usually don't play with the couple again unless we feel comfortable enough to bring it up with the other couple. This is definately not a case where one of us is not concerned with the thoughts, feelings, or enjoyment of our partner.

It's just extremely annoying. I would love for us to get together with a couple where i feel the female half is genuinely interested in my Craig. The ladies just don't know what they are missing. It's funny because we even state in our profile that we are a couple and want other couples who are equally interested in both of us. There is nothing like feeling you are being tolerated just so the other couple can get to one of us.

Kisses

Zoe and Craig

Mayfield PA
 
 
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its tough meeting where all four have the same high intensity or attraction.I thinik its common that one has more fun then the other due to this . You may have a stronger attraction to the male this time the next time he may have a stronger attraction to the female . This does not mean someone is taking one for the team it just happens. Not everyone is as creative and does the right thing every time.I woudl think it would be tough to have mind altering sex with other people all the time.Specially when your with someone that is not creative,fun or in tune with you 100% We have a rule that we always obey,. its a simple rule. every time we are with another couple we always make time for us to be together If you follow this rule never will anyone be left out of the loop .

Sarasota FL
 
 
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There may be some validity to the girl-girl play resulting in some guys being left out, at least at a club or a private party.

We NEVER have had anyone left out when we got together with another couple. Since Mrs. Valovers is straight, it's understood that when we swing with another couple that means we switch partners for playtime.

At house parties, on the other hand, there are just too many variables to predict what will happen. Even with essentially the same crowd, people dont' arrive in the same mood they were in at the last party. You can't assume that they will want to play with the same people they played with at the last party. Maybe they just played with those people last weekend. Maybe they want to try out a couple they haven't met before. Maybe somebody is sending out negative vibes that night. Maybe one couple had a fight in the car on the way to the party. Who knows why people choose to play with different people - or not at all - from one party to the next.

Both Mrs. Valovers and I have been to parties where one of us felt pretty much left out. It evens out over time.

Moral of the story: The Sun Don't Shine On the Same Dog's Ass Every Day!

We go to parties with an open mind. We don't see any reason why one of us should NOT play just because the other of us isn't in the mood to "settle" for his/her 2nd or 3rd choice that night. Sometimes Mrs. Valovers has a night of popularity. Other times she must send off signals that she's not much interested.

We're content if, at a party, we each have one really nice encounter with someone we really enjoy. If Mrs. Valovers is in a particularly good mood that night, she will usually play more than once. Occasionally even this old dog has a good night and enjoys the opportunity to play with more than one woman.

Swinging is pretty much what you make of it. People really do transmit signals about the mood they're in, and sometimes those signals are WARNING signals that someone is really not in a fun mood.

So parties vary, and they're all different, even if the guests are the same. But we've never had one of us feeling left out when it was just us and one other couple getting together.

South Riding VA
 
 
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I am very much in tune what hubby is doing or having done to him as it is more important to me that he is happy.

However, that can cause a problem with who I am with. If I am not concentrating on my partner at the time he feels left out.

We also have noticed that this lifestyle is taking a change. We see more and more of girls looking for girls and the guys are left out. Since I am not bi we are left out of the loop. They are missing a good time with us because other couples are looking for GIRL play only.

We also make sure this lifestyle if for US. We make sure the other one is always having fun and comfortable with the situation.

It is very hard to find 4 people compatible to play and because of that it seems someone is left out of the fun. I am very good at being the negotiator when playing with a new couple for the first time. We take a few minutes to see what the likes and dislikes are, as well as ask what their rules are. This can help stop any uncomfortable situations further into the game.

Welllllllllllllllllll this is the longest post I have written.....hope it makes sense.

Las Vegas NV
 
 
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First of all Zoe and Craig, I can't see how anyone can find either of you undesireable, and secondly, yes, we have been in the same situation. We go into every meet with this attitude... no matter what we both get satisfied, be it with the couple we are with for the evening, or with each other afterwards. During the play, if he senses that I am feeling left out, he always makes me a part of what is going on... he will bring me in on the playing.. I do the same for him. We make sure that the other couple knows in one way or another that WE are here TOGETHER... not just one of us! Kisses, C

Piedmont SC
 
 
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I guess this is sorta a gripe but also would like to know who else runs into this problem and how they deal with it.

We find that on a lot of occasions that either I or Craig end up in a play situation where one of us ends up feeling left out or undesirable. It's almost like the other is being tolerated just so they can get to one of us. It's becoming quite a problem lately. I also have to admit that i (Zoe) don't always pick up the early signs that this is going to happen. Any suggestions on ways to avoid this or early signs? How do you deal with this if it happens to you?

Kisses

Zoe and Craig

Mayfield PA
 
 
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TOPIC: Anyone else run into this problem and-or have any pointers on how to deal with it