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After talk : Swingers Discussion 2100001011
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TOPIC: After talk
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I agree that we all have an insecurity about something of ourselves, no matter how hot, confident , smart or beautiful.....something somewhere inside you is a trigger that can momentarily make you question yourself. The art of good relationship and good communication is to understand what that trigger might be and avoid calling attention it. For instance if a husband knows his wife feels she has small breasts and is insecure about them I don't think it would behoove your relationship to go on and on and on about the rack on that broad. In the small manner a man who worried constantly he was merely average or even below average really doesn't need graphic details about how the size of last nights playmate made her drip with desire merely looking at it. I am by no means suggestion one lie or even underestimate the fun one had with something new to play with but I am suggesting one be mindful of any sensitive areas you know your partner has. Save the graphic details of the particulars to yourself if you KNOW something is potentially a "trigger" . One can discuss the fun one had, the pleasure one found, the beauty, sexiness etc etc of another without damaging another persons ego. Not all insecurities are physical of course nor are a few insecurities "dangerous" to the lifestyle.......we all have them to one degree or another. They become dangerous when we dwell on them , allow them to create drama or our partner plays into them by being "thoughtless" in their actions or words. One must "understand" their partner , their fears, their insecurities, jealousies etc and learn how to ease those issues in a positive manner and not add salt to an open wound. That being said not all partners want a blow by blow replay conversation of all the details of play . Only you and your partner can determine what works for you, what excites you both and what you are comfortable with. One experience will not seal the deal. As couple venture into the lifestyle they will stumble many times before they fine tune what works for THEM. I caution you both to think of your first few experiences as "learning sessions" never as mistakes . After each playtime discuss what you liked and didn't like( not just the sexual aspects) , what you'd change and how next time you might handle something differently. It's a learning process into new territory and if you're smart you'll use each encounter as a stepping stone to achieve greater results next time for both of you.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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if you as a husband are not secure enough to hear "I loved the way his cock felt inside me" from your wife without thinking this means she no longer will be happy with your cock you might want to look for a different hobby or just soft swap. Same thing if your wife can't bear to hear you say how much you liked some other womans pussy around your cock.

what are you going to do hold in moans of pleasure so that your spouse doesn't know your having a great time with someone else?

PG

Louisville KY
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You have to be prepared for the fact that there will ALWAYS be someone hotter than you, that will fuck your husband or wife, someone with a bigger/longer/thicker cock, tighter pussy, flatter abs, tighter ass, amazing personality. You seem to be intimidated by this very simple reality.

No one is comparing anyone to anything, at least not in this thread. Couples who are secure in themselves and their relationship are happy for each other, and actually enjoy seeing the excitement, and giddiness after the encounter. To call that a comparison to what you aren't is the equivalent of shouting, I'm insecure.

Common sense doesn't escape one's brain simply because they're swingers.

And if you have issues with the fact that you might encounters someone who has what you don't, I suggest you pull back completely and rethink swinging.

Think about that, instead of getting defensive.

Rumson NJ
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And a big ditto to everything jandscincy just posted

Windermere FL
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"it doesn't mean I want to marry it or live with it all the time."

Exactly!

Windermere FL
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"Those taking the stance of sure I don't mind being told i don't measure up to the person you just had sex with are either full of shit or far more secure than we will ever be."

Mrs.sav is indeed wise but I think you may have misinterpreted at least my comments. No one enjoys being told they don't measure up but no one here suggested you do that. Just because you are having sex with other people doesn't mean you check your common courtesy or common sense at the door. Revel in the after-talk, bring home tips and tricks but there is no reason to think that you will suddenly start to belittle the spouse that you love just because someone else had a spicy little extra that you liked or she found a particularly delightful package in someone pants. The variety is sort of the point. To pretend that there was nothing interesting or delicious about a swing partner you enjoyed just to spare your spouse is silly.

Cincinnati OH
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thats the key, we don't tell our spouses they don't measure up. Have I been with guys bigger then my husband heck yeah. Do we talk about the fact that he loved seeing me take a cock much larger then his or how much I liked it? Hell yeah. Do I ever tell him "I wish your cock was that big"? No. Because I love my husbands cock and yes while having a longer, wider, curved, pierced one now and then is a fun thing and can rock my world for a night (or even multiple nights) it doesn't mean I want to marry it or live with it all the time.

PG

Louisville KY
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@savanwin I think you may be the only one here that understood what we were getting at. We have no problem with discussing how things felt and things we enjoyed but I have to seriously wonder about the folks who seem so secure in themselves that being compared to someone is some how a good thing if that comparison could make them or their partner feel inadequate afterwards. Those taking the stance of sure I don't mind being told i don't measure up to the person you just had sex with are either full of shit or far more secure than we will ever be.


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*We kind of get the feeling that a lot of the couples who tried swinging and it destroyed their relationship were the ones that basically discussed nothing but the fantasy part of it and then in the end realized "hey maybe we should have talked a little more" But then again you guys no more than we do in this regard so perhaps we're wrong here.*

There isn't a SINGLE break up of a marriage due to swinging, not one!

Rumson NJ
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Ditto to pretty much everything already said.

Some people seem to think they must throw away their lifelong social skills and cultivate a new and different set of them for swinging. I don't get it. If you're at ease talking with someone at an art gallery or sporting event, you'll be fine bantering in the bedroom. If not, you won't.

Belle Chasse LA
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TOPIC: After talk