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After talk : Swingers Discussion 210000101
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TOPIC: After talk
Created by: Jatins01
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hey everyone,

So the wife and I talk a lot about playing, expectations, what we're looking for, boundaries, etc. We haven't had a chance to play yet, but our approach to the lifestyle I believe is a good one considering we have discussed almost everything under the moon that can possibly be discussed and we're both extremely open with one another and confident that this is something we really are both on board with and ready to try.

The one thing that we hadn't really thought of until recently was the "after we've played" discussion. This came up when we were reading a particular couples cert and in it a lady had expressed how much she enjoyed the time she had with the male which was great but then she went on to mention how much bigger the guys "package" was in comparision to her husbands and how great it was. This completely blew our minds that she would publicly say something like because wouldn't that cause some issues in their own relationship?

This in turn got us thinking about what sort of discussion we should have with ourselves after we've played? Should we be as open as this lady was or should we stick to very superficial "it was good" "We really enjoyed/got turned on when we saw this or that" yada yada yada talk? Now we're not asking for answers to that particular question because well we're the only ones who know what we can handle/deal with in this regard, but we are curious as to how other couples who have played approach the "after play" discussions?

Are there areas that you personally just stay away from and recommend to all couples to do so as well, or do you just put all cards on the table and hope for the best so to speak that you don't just completely deflate your spouses or significant others ego?

We just want to know what your thoughts are and how you approach the discussion.

Thanks guys in advance.

Jay & Kris

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Sav, I wasn't there, so I can't say that anyone should have been insulted. The fact that the question was well received causes me to guess it was not hurtful, nor intended that way.

When a small child is asked, after a fun time with grandparents or friends, "Do you want to come home with us"? -- No one needs to take this too seriously. The child may consider the offer, but after a few seconds is truly happy to say goodbye and remain with his/her parents.

Flat Rock NC
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"was better than she and Dan had."

If you can't see what is wrong with that comment I can't help you nor can anyone else.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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I find no inherent insult in this description: "Dan asked Marilyn if our sex together (Marilyn with me and not Dan) was better than she and Dan had."

If the Mrs and I are watching a movie, and I'm gaga over the actress, she could ask me Would you rather be with her? -- Knowing full well, I'd not rather be with anyone else -- and it's a completely confident assurance, with no real possibility of anyone feeling insulted.

When swapping and sharing, we know people are different, in body type and function. Still it's good fun to know how and why one's mate appreciates someone else's embrace. It takes nothing away from how you appreciate one another; and in fact it's all enhanced.

Flat Rock NC
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A playful person doesn't seek a compliment based on insulting another. I am offended by that type of behavior. Leave your personal insecurities at home or with your spouse, don't bring them into my bed.....trust you will leave feeling far more inferior than you arrived. If that scares someone away I really couldn't give a rats ass. It is not my job to make you feel like a man, never mind a better one than my husband........in any respect. Any person who somehow feels "complimented" by a comment that references a negative about their spouse really should look into their issue with insecurities.

Mrs Sav, who is not so hungry for praise she will accept it in the form of a slap to your spouse.

Anniston AL
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The provocative question may have been a measure of the confidence these 2, Dan and Marilyn, had in their relationship. Neither had any motive to say other than kind words for anyone else.

It's a bit like a woman asking a man which orifice is more satisfying. It's not so much what you say, but how you say it.

A very comfortable environment allows for some playful talk. Fear of offending someone should not be your only motivation.

Flat Rock NC
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"Dan asked Marilyn if our sex together (Marilyn with me and not Dan) was better than she and Dan had. Her response was fitting and wonderful, as well. "

My response would be "time for you to go" I've been in situations where I have gotten comments that either "compare" me to their their partner or were insulting to Mr Sav at that point "playtime" is OVER . I will not tolerate any digs about your wife, especially those of a sexual nature and I will not indulge comparison questions or negative comments about my sexual relationship with Mr Sav. Call me a party pooper, Drama Queen whatever ...... it's ok. I will forever more refer to you as that arrogant ignorant so and so.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Why even ask a question like that?

Chesapeake VA
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Years ago while having a threesome with my two best friends, Dan and Marilyn. Dan asked Marilyn if our sex together (Marilyn with me and not Dan) was better than she and Dan had. Her response was fitting and wonderful, as well. No...not better....just different. Satisfied both Dan along with me...what a diplomat!

Albuquerque NM
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If you're always concerned about how you measure up to anyone else, you'll never measure up to the only person who should really matter. You.

Long Beach CA
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"This came up when we were reading a particular couples cert and in it a lady had expressed how much she enjoyed the time she had with the male which was great but then she went on to mention how much bigger the guys "package" was in comparision to her husbands and how great it was. This completely blew our minds that she would publicly say something like because wouldn't that cause some issues in their own relationship? "

As to the above comment some men get off on being demeaned and perhaps comments of this nature are part of their "play" ...lets hope so as I agree at first appearance it seems thoughtless and mean spirited.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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TOPIC: After talk