Wife wants me to have sex with another woman: Swingers Discussion 138259

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TOPIC: Wife wants me to have sex with another woman

Created by: wolfinher Original Starting post for this thread:
Married 13 years and my wife is curious about women. I am ok with watching her with other women but not men. I do not want to have sex with another woman. In my mind if I agree to this she will want me to watch her with another man, which I do not want to do. After about 3 years of marriage she did cheat on me but I didn't find out until we was married for 7 years. She is younger than me and when she turned 21, 22 years we all know the party days are in. I was 24 and she was 18 when we married, I knew going in these days was coming and I told her this. In our 3rd year of marriage we did not seperate but did have a rocky ride. We talked about getting divorced. Most of the arguments was over her friends, most being single and lack of boundaries. I was trying to be reasonable and understand this phase of life we all go through. Now we are in another phase and I am working on boundaries with her wanting to play wiith other women. I am ok with the guys getting to watch the girls. I do not want to watch her be touched, kissed or have sex with another guy. Her playing with women is not the same as her playing with men, in my mind. I can't compare myself to women, we have different ways and tools that we use. Now her reasons for wanting me to have sex with another woman are: She likes watching people have sex and it would be a big turn on for her. Letting me do this so we can be even so to speak. I think she feels bad about what she did and thinks this will help in some way. She even told me to do this without her having to be there. Go get some pay back, she says. I do not want any pay back. I like the fact that I have never cheated on her since we got together 14 years ago. I do not feel like she is cheating on me with the ladies. I know about it, as long as the boundaries are not crossed I am ok with it. I know some guys would jump as this and make it a mission but for me it would take one special lady for me even to consider this. Still it would be a big IF. I would like to hear about experiences and some thoughts concerning what I described above.

Created by: wolfinher
Original Starting post for this thread:

Married 13 years and my wife is curious about women. I am ok with watching her with other women but not men. I do not want to have sex with another woman. In my mind if I agree to this she will want me to watch her with another man, which I do not want to do. After about 3 years of marriage she did cheat on me but I didn't find out until we was married for 7 years. She is younger than me and when she turned 21, 22 years we all know the party days are in.  I was 24 and she was 18 when we married, I knew going in these days was coming and I told her this. In our 3rd year of marriage we did not seperate but did have a rocky ride. We talked about getting divorced. Most of the arguments was over her friends, most being single and lack of boundaries. I was trying to be reasonable and understand this phase of life we all go through. Now we are in another phase and I am working on boundaries with her wanting to play wiith other women. I am ok with the guys getting to watch the girls. I do not want to watch her be touched, kissed or have sex with another guy. Her playing with women is not the same as her playing with men, in my mind. I can't compare myself to women, we have different ways and tools that we use. 

Now her reasons for wanting me to have sex with another woman are:

She likes watching people have sex and it would be a big turn on for her. 
Letting me do this so we can be even so to speak. I think she feels bad about what she did and thinks this will help in some way. She even told me to do this without her having to be there. Go get some pay back, she says. I do not want any pay back. I like the fact that I have never cheated on her since we got together 14 years ago. I do not feel like she is cheating on me with the ladies. I know about it, as long as the boundaries are not crossed I am ok with it. I know some guys would jump as this and make it a mission but for me it would take one special lady for me even to consider this.  Still it would be a big IF. 

I would like to hear about experiences and some thoughts concerning what I described above.

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User Details are only visible to members.	I'm sort of an exhibitionist...this is my room.
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (5609 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Scotty answered in his usual straightforward way (ok, I'm a fan of his, unabashedly). " Get a room!! lol
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23645 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Arrr ye be right thar me Cap`n always be needin' someone t' be lookin' up too maybe he be th' chosen one.....
Baltimore MD			Username hidden (2085 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I just had one of those "peanuts' moment. "she likes me she likes me" LOL. Hmmmm...thought that was Sally Field moment. Ha. I do like you...but the question is, do I LIKE like you? ;)
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (5609 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Maybe he should just take that hit for the team and have sex with another woman.... Thats how I wound up here.... LOL...
Logan WV			Username hidden (1022 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Gina. I just had one of those "peanuts' moment. "she likes me she likes me" LOL. thanks for the kind words.
Lake Worth FL			Username hidden (7209 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Jealous feelings do pop up here and there, but they are "minor" and dealt with by successful swingers. It's more a matter of...hmmm....I wish he'd do that with me, or well, she isn't usually that vocal with me, this guy must be doing something I'm not." Then the couple talks and deals with it, and it makes for an even stronger bond. Stuff like that. I went back and reread every post. No one was being intentionally rude to you. Obviously you are way too sensitive on this subject or you wouldn't be defensive. You accuse everyone in here of being closed minded, yet your original post and responses were very much so. These are experienced swingers responding to you from positions of authority on this subject, and have been through it, or have seen it happen, or know what to avoid...they are trying to be helpful, not hurtful. Scotty answered in his usual straightforward way (ok, I'm a fan of his, unabashedly). That's what you were looking for when you asked MEN to post in this. We know the ropes. Just because people tell you this isn't for you, they are not being rude. They are being honest. And, seriously, it'll save you a lot of grief. Good luck. Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (5609 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	If you have any jealousy issues at all, swinging will destroy a relationship. There are some "experts" who say swinging will destroy relationships period, but I don't buy that as there are people who have swung for decades and there are newlyweds in divorce court. It seems that the folks who want to "keep score" when they swing are really swappers more than swingers and some of that "Well, if she gets that, I will get this" mentality is not conducive to swinging. As a swinger you should want your partner to be happy and vice versa. Jealousy is a relationship killer. Even monogamous people get their relationships destroyed by it. Its puer poison in a swinger relationship.
Logan WV			Username hidden (1022 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	but some point they are going to want Mama's squeeze box stuffed with some cock." I have never heard it put like that but yes, I agree! Wolf, I am sorry that you are so frustrated. You must see where we are all coming from though. Like the others have said, you are the sort of couple that others tend to stay away from. Not that you aren't good people, but with our lives we do not get out enough to put up with such things. Again, you need marital counseling. I would not say you are an immature drama king. However I will say that, in my layman's eyes and from what I have read, your wife had an affair. She has not forgiven herself for it and thinks that by letting you "cheat" she is paying a penance for her sin. You, naturally, do not feel that you can trust her because when you did she fucked another man. Thats a natural reaction as well. However, what we are saying is you cannot handle such pain and issues by evening up the score. You need to see a therapist. They will walk you through the affair, the pain, the anger and your emotions. We aren't being assholes, we are being honest.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23645 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm changing my response to "let your wife stay at my house for a couple weeks." I'll send her back all fixed up ;)
Cocoa FL			Username hidden (645 post)

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TOPIC: Wife wants me to have sex with another woman

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