OOOh boy, so sorry to hear you two are going through this.. and yep i said you two.... not knowing what is going on with your spouse is definately an annoyance, but you can only solve this by communication with your wife, an outsider someone on the outside, though it sounds good isn't always the soulution... but is an option... Talk to your wife tell her point blank how she is making you and your children feel, don't hold anything back, and maybe she'll open up to you the real problem.. If she's sleepy all the time that could be a problem medicaly and maybe she should see the dr for that. But everything else...Talk Talk Talk.... comunication comunication comunication....! with out that it will fail..

"I can not fathom how people who once loved each other so much to want to spend a liftime together producing kids, sharing their most intimate selves with each other can just get up and go because life is too short. I just don't understand such coldness. -M " This blows us away too, but we have seen it so many times. We have a friend that is going through this now. One night without warning, her husband just did not come home. Talk about a blindside. They were married over 20 years. Another couple we know that were married even longer, came home from a month long vacation together and he unloaded his bags from one car and placed them in another car, said "I'm leaving you" and split. It just goes to show, you never know what's going on in someone elses head.

good luck and go into counseling with an open mind and heart!!

happy holidays to you and your family :-)

I appreciate all of your statements. We are scheduled to meet a counselor soon. We had a talk and I've found out several things wrong. Mostly the root problem is the family outside of what we created. But that's something else.

To the OP- Remember, everyone has their opinion- here's another one: Professional help is something to be considered. If neither of you are trained psychologists/counselors, attempting to go it alone is like attempting to be your own attorney in a courtroom (whether or not you are an attorney yourself), treating a life threatening disease with absolutely no medical training, performing a root canal on yourself, performing a major auto repair if you can barely manage an oil change, etc., etc. Professional counselors are trained to recognize underlying psychological disorders that may be affecting the relationship. Those underlying issues need to be addressed BEFORE any attempt at resolving the relationship issues. BOTH people have to be willing to work on the issues. It does absolutely no good if only one wants to work on it while the other makes no attempt. It took 2 to build the relationship, It took 2 to get into the situation, it takes 2 to resolve it. This situation did not happen overnight, and it will not be resolved overnight. It takes patience, and considerable effort by BOTH. A trained, outside, non judgemental third party (i.e. a counselor) will see things from all sides, and recognize underlying issues that you are unable to recognize, or diagnose. It is not unusual for things to get worse while seeing an outside counselor before things improve. Do a search for LMFTs in your area. Finally, this has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the intelligence of one or the other of you. Best of luck to you.

Could you honestly walk out the door today with absolutely NO emotion for her at all?? Could she do the same? i respectfully disagree. just because one has emotion doesnt mean that one should stay married. and honestly i think professional counseling is for those that either are not intelligent enough to evaluate themselves or honest enough with themselves about what is good for them, their spouses and/or their children. ultimately a decision has to be made and the idea of saving a "marriage" as if it is some institution in unto itself is an antiquated notion. at the end of the day the person involved has to evaluate his/her own situation and make a decision as to what direction his/her life is going. that decision has to be based on a variety of factors including finances, circumstances, children, emotions, love, etc. it is not a decision to be taken lightly i agree....

tbe I'm with M on this one, you need a professional. I am definately not a professional. However my heart does go out to you, to Pussy and all of the others who go through this. The one thing I can tell you is that there is an end to the tunnel. Keep your chin up and seek a professional.

I have been through a similar marriage in the past. Basically you have two options. The easiest one (although not easy) is to contact a lawyer immediately to get out with as much of your ass intact as possible. Tell him/her the 100% truth about what is going on including the lifestyle and take his/her advice as to how to conduct yourself to heart. Divorce can get NASTY! (Three people NEVER to lie to….priest, doctor & lawyer. They are there for YOU!) The second option is to get professional help for one or both of you and try and salvage the marriage. It’s not guaranteed that you will save the marriage (I didn’t) but it helps with closure to go on knowing that you tried everything possible. If option two doesn’t work out…revert to option one. I wish you the best of luck. You are in for a long tough road no matter which path you choose… Fair seas my friend! Chad

Actually, we've only heard one side of the story, yours. You may very well be compeletly honest and truthful, but there are still 2 sides to everything.
Counseling, professional help can determine if perhaps in some way you have contributed to the problem even if it was unintentional, or unknowing to you.

I sincerely wish you all the best and hope things work out for your family.

Utimately, we agree M. What is needed is professionals and he should be talking about all of this with his wife, not us. To solve a problem in your marriage one should never turn out of the marriage for the answer.